I apologize in advance. This post is going to be all over the place, I just know it.
The thing is, I have been feeling all kinds of unsettled lately. I know God is stirring in my heart. And it is causing me to have a hard time focusing on much of anything. I find myself paralyzed by the overwhelming needs and injustice in this world. By the overabundance of our comfortable-living-the-American-dream-life that is in stark contrast to the extreme poverty across the globe. I have been praying for guidance and direction on where to serve and how to serve.
There are so many ways to help. So many wonderful, life-giving organizations. People that are living out the commandments of Jesus. I read books and blogs and wonder where to begin. Again, I find myself paralyzed by the options. Options for giving of my time and my resources. Options to use my gifts toward growing and sharing the Body of Christ.
I don’t even know what words to use to describe what I’m feeling. For example, just yesterday, I felt guilty about planning a birthday party for the boys knowing that the money could be used toward something more important. And then, I felt protective – my mama bear came out and knew that a celebration for my little cubs is important. Then, I felt heartbroken for all of the precious ones who do not have a mama bear to wrap them in love or fret over details of a birthday celebration in their honor.
See what I mean? I’m a mess.
Here is what I do know:
I do know that my life is to be used for a greater purpose.
I do know that how I choose to spend the 24 hours I’m given each day matters.
I do know that, as we approach Mother’s Day this weekend, I’m feeling heartbroken for my daughter’s birth mom. I do not yet know her or her story but I know that it will be consumed by grief and loss. She will be making the most selfless decision a person could make and it will undoubtedly bring her unprecedented pain. I pray for her constantly. And, even in this, I do know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him.
I do know that I want my boys to know compassion and love. I want them to walk with Jesus. I want Dave and I to be their examples and teach and guide them through their childhood and I want them to become men of God.
I do know that our God is faithful. This morning, the verse of the day in my Bible app was a reminder of this; “Praise be to the lord, who has given rest to his people Israel as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses.” 1 Kings 8:56.
|Quote above from the AMAZINGLY talented Stephanie at Homegrown Hospitality!!!|