Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

Archives for January 2013

an update & a birthday

please keep praying for baby Evan. the doctors have been running test after test and there is still not a definite cause for his illness. he was intubated and the machine is helping him breathe which is allowing him to rest. we are praying that this rest allows his little heart to heal on it’s own.

please pray that it does. that is the absolute best case scenario.

as with any infant illness, the scenarios are varied and each day presents a roller-coaster of emotions and prognosis possibilities. 


i’m praying boldly for complete and absolute healing. i’m praying for the doctors to be baffled by his sudden, miraculous recovery. i’m praying for God to work in such a mighty way that no one can do anything but give God glory and praise. will you please join me in this prayer?

i have had a hard time posting on this blog over the past few days. my thoughts are consumed with my precious friend and her baby boy. we have been trying to stay busy here in florida and the days are passing by in somewhat of a haze.

i did want to jump on here tonight to share a few thoughts on our girl’s birthday. she turned one on the 16th. you can read more here about how powerfully God reminded me that His plans are far greater than I could ever begin to imagine. they always are, aren’t they?

i was very thankful for that reminder on the morning of her birthday. to be perfectly honest, i was feeling so many emotions and the one that kept rising to the surface was ambivalence. more than ever, it felt like we were walking on a path that would lead to heartache. she felt farther away than ever before. i felt cheated. and alone.

and then, i just felt grief and sorrow. for her. for us. for all that she has lost. for all that we have missed out on with her. for the pain she has had to endure. for the uncertainty of it all.

i wanted to make the day special. we spent the afternoon driving to a park about an hour away to meet up with one of my dear adoptive-momma friends, jenna. jenna and i met at last year’s created for care retreat and have become close friends since. she will be bringing home her daughter soon {we are praying that it is very, very soon} and she has been such an encourager and prayer warrior for me during this journey.

my boys are typically more interested in snacks than just about anything. 

we had such a good visit and i loved being able to commiserate with someone who gets it. who has walked in my shoes and knows what i’m feeling even when i can’t find the words. i was so thankful God orchestrated our visit on that day, when i needed it most.

worst quality photo ever but i still love it.
we are going to take another one someday with our boys and our little girlies. 🙂

after nathan threw up on the playground {yes, this is just a normal occurrence…welcome to my crazy life}, we had to run out. mostly because it was slightly embarrassing and just gross. it reminded me of the time he cleared out the splash park and the time we were on the moving sidewalk in the penguin display at sea world. we still can’t figure out why he gets sick so easily and so often. doctors thought he would have grown out of it by now. needless to say, it put a little damper in our day.

after the park, we drove back toward my parent’s house and decided to meet the rest of the family for dinner to celebrate S’s birthday. the boys hadn’t napped and dinner included tantrums and crying. again, not exactly what i had planned.

after dinner, we walked around the cute little downtown winter garden area and redeemed the day with laughter and smiles.

i had planned to bake a cake with the boys for S, but that didn’t happen either. instead, we stopped in for some frozen yogurt. i really wanted to blow out a candle for our girl but we didn’t have one. so, we just sang to her and rested in the fact that next year, she will be the one to blow out her candles.

at the end of the day, i was reminded that my perfect plans in my mind are not real life. life is messy and imperfect. life is the adventure that unfolds when we just let go of expectations and appreciate the moments as they unfold.

and, gratitude flowed as i focused on the family and friends that have linked arms with us as we walk this journey.

such a beautiful text i received from a sweet friend.

“COME TO ME, and rest in My loving Presence.  You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you– now and always…relax in My Peace.  I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust.”  {Jesus Calling devotional; January 16th}

prayers needed!

One of my closest friends delivered her precious little boy a mere five days ago. Now, we are all on our knees begging God to heal this little man. There is not a lot of information to share other than to ask anyone reading this to please lift Evan James Clubine up in prayer.

Please pray for his medical team to find the cause of his illness. His little body is fighting so hard and there are no answers to what is causing his heart not to function properly. He was airlifted to ACH in Little Rock yesterday to receive the best medical care in the state.

I am hurting so bad for my friend, Katrin. Her entire pregnancy was wrought with fears of this very nightmare. We prayed over her and lifted her up so, so many times. She just was so scared of something being wrong with her boy. And, now, for this to be happening…it seems unfathomable. It isn’t fair. It doesn’t make sense.

I know my God is a healer. I know He loves Evan and He loves Katrin and He loves their entire family. He is aching with Katrin right now. He is aching with Scott. He is also holding them up with his righteous right hand. He is ONLY good. He will NOT forsake His precious children. He won’t. He promises us this. His promises can be trusted.

Please pray for a miracle. Please pray.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26

january 16, 2012

yesterday was S’s first birthday.

before i can share how we spent the day, i had to first share something i just realized when looking back to this day last year…

you see, a year ago to the day, I wrote my very first post on this blog {you can read it here}. i started this blog to document our family’s memories and, most importantly, our adoption process. we had not yet announced our adoption plans {dave really wanted to wait until we were further down the path before we shared the news. meanwhile, i wanted to shout it from the rooftops the moment we applied to AGCI}, yet i had such a strong desire to start this blog even though i couldn’t yet write about our adoption. i didn’t know why i felt so strongly about it at the time. i had no idea why i felt like i needed to step out and just start documenting our life here. i did include a little teaser about what was happening in our family in that first post…

“I decided to start now as we embark on an exciting & overwhelming journey as a family.”

mostly, i wrote about fear in that first post. fear of starting this little space on the internet…

“The excuses all lead to one place: Fear.

Four letters that are SO powerful. Satan uses fear to hold us back and to make us stand still. Gratefully, Jesus breaks us free of fear so that we can move forward to glorify Him and further His kingdom.”
{i even included the fact that i was fearful of flying. which satan has used against me so recently to allow fear to grip me}. 
i love looking back to these words to see how {unbeknownst to me} they kicked off our adventure to our daughter…

“This life is not my own. I was carefully made by my loving Father in order to serve Him and to bring His light to the dark places in this world. He reminds me, “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15).

I love the Message’s version of that same verse: “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”
That’s exactly how I am feeling in this season of my life. Looking to my “Papa” to see what adventure he has in store for little ole’ me next!”

i’ve written so much about fear on this adoption journey. fear was the sole reason we almost turned away from fighting to get our S home. my words from that first post still resonate so deeply, one year later…

“I know that I am human and that overcoming fear and stepping out into a scary place is something that I will need to do again and again. Satan knows my “buttons” – he knows which ones to push and fear is a very easy one to start with. I am so grateful for my patient, loving Father who simply holds me in His embrace when I run back to Him time and time again crying out for help from the crippling effects of fear and worry.”

and, then, i wrote this…

“With all that said, I want to use this blog as a way to share our little family’s journey with our friends and family. As a way to share how God is working in our lives. As a way to document the seemingly small and mundane happenings of our everyday life, that I know I will someday look back on and realize were the glorious and beautiful moments that make this life so very special.”

and, i truly had NO idea how incredible this journey would be. i never fathomed that on the same date i hit “publish” for the very first time, our baby girl was born half a world away. 


a day that would forever shape our family.

it’s no coincidence that i took a first step in overcoming one of my fears on that day. God was preparing my heart for what was to come. only He knew what a beautiful story was being written. He knew that S would need us to lay down our fears and trust wholly and completely in Him. He knew that there would be hard days on this journey and i would need to run to Him again and again.

“So, here I am. Taking a very small step in the direction that my Jesus has asked me to go. This is not earth shattering by any means, I get that. But it is me (once again) laying my fears, my worries, and my anxieties at the feet of my Savior. I am writing the words on my heart for you all to read if you so choose.  That’s just plain scary in my book.”

i am once again in awe of how incredible the pieces of this life’s puzzle are intricately designed by my loving, patient, trustworthy Heavenly Father. 
oh, and i promise to share more about our day yesterday in another post. we tried our best to celebrate our sweet girl. mostly, i just ached to have her home more than ever. 

standing on truth.

I’ve been completely out of commission the past few days with a nasty sickness. I’m hopeful that I’m on the mend. As for the boys, Nate was sick first and seems to be feeling much better now with the exception of a nasty cough that’s hanging around. Ben seems to have faired better than Nate and I and his fever is gone so I’m hoping the end is in sight for all of us.

We are getting cabin fever around here. Let me tell you, once everyone goes to work and you are feeling like you’ve been run over by a mack truck and are left alone all day with two sick kiddos, there is a whole lot of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” and “Bob the Builder” rewind-and-play action. We’re definitely not enjoying the gorgeous January Florida weather right now.

{Don’t be fooled. We were not going swimming, this is just how I found them this morning when they were out destroying playing out on the back patio…}

Besides disinfecting every surface of this house, I’ve been sort of freaking out about the fact that I am going to be in charge of THREE little, impressionable humans {hopefully} very soon. The boys have been extra special needy because they don’t feel well {sick Nathan is SO sad when he says, “momma, hold me! hold me!} and I keep thinking that I won’t have enough arms to go around soon enough.

Doubt. It creeps in slowly, doesn’t it? And, soon enough, it turns into fear. Fear that we have made a huge mistake and we are about to disrupt our seemingly stable family unit. Fear that we will never get a decent night sleep again. Fear that the boys and S won’t get along. Fear that S won’t like any of us. Fear that attachment will be harder than the hard stories I’ve been reading.

Whew. Satan knows exactly how and exactly when to attack. He’s conniving and smart. He knows that the perfect opportunity to plant seeds of doubt and lies is when I’m feeling exhausted and vulnerable.

I’ve mentioned before that I have felt under attack during this adoption process. I know this may sound completely loony to some, but I firmly believe that we are battling a very real enemy by stepping out and following God’s call for our family to adopt S.

“By adopting, your family is storming the gates of hell, and rescuing little, lost souls to bring them to safety and the light of the truth. Your only weapons are prayers, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the knowledge of God and His word.” *

Paperwork set-backs, sending checks for the wrong amount, so many seemingly little things have continued to make our path rocky. And, lately, health scares and illness have made us vulnerable.

Fear truly is such a powerful tool used by the enemy to attack and devour. When Dave was flying home from Florida last week, I was quite literally gripped by fear when I received a text message from him in-flight.

“Something’s wrong with the plane. Nose dropped and we are turning back to Orlando. I love you.”

I could not breathe or see straight as I read his words. He has never, ever texted me something like that when the plane was having troubles. Ever. I knew this was serious.

Then, I heard from him again, “can’t land yet. need to burn more fuel.” That was the last I would hear for the next forty minutes.

All I can remember clearly is falling to my knees in the grass in front of my parent’s house and shouting out to God. I am so thankful my sister was home to watch the boys so that I could go outside to frantically text and try to call him and cry. I can’t adequately describe the emotions I felt. I could not see past my fear. I felt helpless. I prayed hard. I didn’t stop praying until he called to tell me they had landed.

Relief soaked every cell in my body after that phone call.

And, I saw the situation for what it was. An attack. A spiritual attack. And, then, I could clearly see and praise the one who continues to go before us and fight on our behalf. Our King. Our Savior. Our Father.

Each day on this journey, I’ve clung to His promises and I’ve been reminded again and again that He is on my side. He is holding our family close. He will NOT forsake us.

When the enemy places doubt in my mind {over and over again} about how I will handle mothering another toddler, I pray.

And, I’m reminded that God has this. Not me. I can’t do anything on my strength alone.

I can choose to trust in Him. I can choose to savor the moments He has given me. I choose to laugh with these little guys and dream of the day another voice of laughter will join in with them. I can choose to pour love into my children and pray that His grace covers the rest.

I recently read this post by Beth that left the hairs standing on the back of my neck and opened my eyes to how real this battle is. Take a few moments to read her powerful testimony. I love her transparency and words of truth:

“spiritual warfare is literal… we are more than conquerors through Christ… we must arm ourselves. we should expect this… do not believe everything you think. if it does not come from God, toss it.”

And then again, just today, I read this post by Andrea speaking about the battles she has seen God fight on her behalf.

“He will fight for you. He will go before you. Whatever you are facing–as you get in the game…know that He’s got this. You are just called to sink your feet in, trust in God, and stand firm.”

Their powerful words have encouraged me and reminded me that I’m not alone in this fight. I am choosing to stand firm on truth trusting in His mighty power.

“10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
{Ephesians 6: 10-18}