I used to consider myself a perfectly sane person. I really did.
But, let me tell you, between this adoption roller-coaster {and the unknowns and rumors and red tape and emotional toil} and the two miniature Evil Knievel / Dennis-the-Menace impersonators living under my roof, I’m starting to lose it.
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| It’s funny because it’s true. |
Let’s take just the last 24 hours as an example.
Adoption Roller-coaster:
I spoke to our adoption case manager again asking for an update on court. She believes we have passed and are in the 30 day wait prior to guardianship, yet, she can’t confirm it because the paperwork had errors and she hasn’t seen any documentation to prove that this is true. HIGH: I was beyond excited {ready to shout from the rooftops} because we passed court. LOW: well, there’s the teensy detail that we may not have actually passed just yet, it’s hard to believe anything until there is proof.
Dennis-the-Menace impersonators:
While trying to enjoy a perfectly lovely play date at Barnes & Noble yesterday {why hello, awesome train table for kiddos and abundant magazine selection for mommas}, Nathan decided to have a complete and total emotional breakdown. I can’t even remember the reason for the episode but I can assume it had to do with a train that Ben had and he wanted. Luckily {sarcasm}, after he calmed down, he had an accident {we were braving big boy underwear out in public, I was a nervous wreck all morning waiting for this moment} and decided that instead of doing the rational thing of changing into the extra pants I brought for him, he would strip naked and scream bloody murder. In the STORE. Naked. Screaming. I was so proud.
Adoption Roller-coaster:
Dave and I have been praying like crazy about whether I should try to go to visit S with a group that will be traveling at the end of the month. After much discussion, debate and prayer, we spoke with our agency and they laid out several very rational reasons to skip the trip. I have been an emotional mess over this decision and I still do not feel complete peace about what I should do. Yet, it is looking like I won’t be getting on the plane even though my heart is longing to and the tears won’t stop flowing when I think about not going.
Evil Knievel impersonators:
While enjoying a much-needed girl’s night out to celebrate my sister-in-law’s birthday, I glanced down at my phone to see a missed call, voicemail and text message from Dave. The text said, “Call me ASAP.” I panicked and dialed him immediately. Turns out, the boys had brought a chair into the laundry room while Dave was cleaning up dinner dishes. Dave heard a muffled scream and some laughter and ran into the laundry room to see what they were up to. Ben had crawled into the washing machine. Nathan was sitting on top. The washer was turned ON. The lid was locked. Ben was INSIDE.
Seriously. I’m still shaking typing this. I have run this scenario in my head a thousand times since I talked to Dave and heard it for the first time. I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if Dave had gone out to water the garden or take out the trash. I can’t think about what could have happened if he hadn’t been right there, ten steps away from that laundry room.
I have decided that these two boys cannot leave my sight. Ever. They are schemers.
Case in point: this morning, Nathan went to use the potty and Ben went in with him. I heard laughter and went in to see what they were up to and let’s just say that Nathan’s aim was way off. On purpose.
So, here I am, trying to enjoy a nice quiet nap time and regain my composure and some semblance of sanity. Trying to rest assured that I’m not the only momma in the history of time to ever feel like I need to run far, far away to escape all of this chaos for a little bit of peace.
Until then, I will remember the words of Paul.
“Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” {1 Thessalonians 5:16-18}
Even in the midst of the chaos. Even when I reach the end of another long, exhausting day and recount the accomplishments of that day and find few. Even when I have to dig deep to find the well of gratitude.
Even then. In the midst of it all. I will be joyful and thank the One who sees it all. The One who loves abundantly. The One who offers peace in ALL circumstances.
And, I’ll look at photos of these loves and be thankful that I have all of this chaos in my life in the first place…
