wordless wednesday {our littlest love}.
Archives for August 2014
at the edge of the sea once more.
We have all fallen hard for this place by the sea. This is our third year staying in this same home with it’s gorgeous views and steps down to the white sandy beach.
That first year here, we were in the thick of the seemingly never-ending wait for our referral…
{Before we talk about anything else, let’s just stop right now and discuss how teeny tiny my boys were… I had NO idea. I thought they were so big. They were just babies. Look at Ben’s curls. Oh my heart. Two years have passed in a BLINK}.
Last year, we arrived here anxious for Sylvie to come home. Hoping and praying that it would be soon.
“When we booked this vacation almost a year ago, we were certain that S would be home and this would be our first vacation together as a family of five. We were apprehensive about booking because we had no idea exactly when she would be home and if it would be too soon for a trip to the beach.
To be honest, it hasn’t been easy to be here now without her. I had so many images in my mind of what this week would look like. S and the boys playing together in the sand and surf for the first time as brothers and sister. Moments of bonding and trust forming. Joy and celebration.
Yet, I’m learning to embrace the story God has written for me and my family. Learning to rest in His timing and trust His sovereignty. Knowing that my plans are never something to boast about. Instead, trusting in His plans – which are far greater than I could ever imagine.”
To be honest, it hasn’t been easy to be here now without her. I had so many images in my mind of what this week would look like. S and the boys playing together in the sand and surf for the first time as brothers and sister. Moments of bonding and trust forming. Joy and celebration.
Yet, I’m learning to embrace the story God has written for me and my family. Learning to rest in His timing and trust His sovereignty. Knowing that my plans are never something to boast about. Instead, trusting in His plans – which are far greater than I could ever imagine.”
During that week, we learned of the devastating news about the exit permit suspension.
“… I’m choosing to remember the verse He directed me to and affirmed moments later as Beth Moore read the exact verse from the stage where she spoke.
There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.
{1 Peter 1:6}
I’m choosing to remember the One who called us to this path. He is faithful and good. S is His beloved daughter. We will continue to wait for her to be in our arms. We will continue to pray and hope.”
And, just to keep things interesting, the day before we left for this vacation last year, I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked…these plans were not my own … they were far greater and higher than anything I could have hoped for.
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Needless to say, this year, as we pulled into this familiar driveway as a family of SIX, I could not feel more blessed. Answered prayers abound in this place. The dark night has given way to the joy of the morning.
There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.
{1 Peter 1:6}
Wonderful, wonderous joy.
the gospel of grace.
The words shared on IF:Equip yesterday were a balm to my restless soul. In this season of nurturing little hearts and pouring into the basic needs of little ones, I am feeling weary and small.
My days are full of diaper changes, endless loads of laundry and piles of dishes, wiping noses, redirecting behavior, anticipating meltdowns, feedings, wiping tears, singing silly songs, picking up toys, sweeping floors {and turning on the robot vacuum – best purchase ever}, kissing boo boos, and a bounty of bonding and attachment work.
I have so many friends out in the world changing it for the better. Making a difference. Pouring themselves out for the oppressed. Loving on the lost. Physically making changes in the lives of others. I feel like I’m not living the life I was called to. A sense of restlessness…I should be doing more. I need to go and do.
Oh, friends. What a lie from the enemy.
As I was lamenting another friend going on an incredible trip to do life-giving work in a faraway, desperate-for-the-gospel land, my compassionate and convicting husband reminded me that, here and now, I am doing life-giving, life-breathing, holy work. As we were talking, I was feeding our littlest love. I was holding her in my arms, she was snuggled up against me peacefully enjoying the nourishment that my body was providing {really, that is just miraculous} when Dave reminded me that this work of raising and nurturing these little lives is my life’s highest calling. Time stood still in that moment. I marveled at the miracle in my arms. Tears filled my eyes. I saw the lies for what they were – the enemy desperately trying to belittle this holy work. My pride and arrogance attempting to take center stage … my desire to do something “big” for the Kingdom, something that I tried to convince myself was for His Glory, when in fact, was only a mask for my own selfish pride.
The gospel of grace.
“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ …” {Galatians 1:6}
As Jennie Allen and Natalie Grant discuss, we have to fight to live in the gospel of grace…
“There is nothing we did to earn this grace. It was done for us and on our behalf.
That is hard for people to receive. The mindset is, nothing comes for free. In our American culture, to succeed, you have to work for it. It takes humility to say ‘I’m not enough, but God is. That takes all of the glory out of my life and puts it all on the Lord.’
This is really easy to talk about but it’s very difficult to live out. It’s about what Jesus did for me. It’s about living in that grace and freedom.”
In my own life, this is a beautiful reminder that nothing I can do changes the fact that I am redeemed and I am free. I am free to live in His grace. I am free to enjoy these good gifts He has graciously given. I am free to let go of expectations and comparisons and guilt. I am free to rest in Him.
Soaking in His grace this morning and praying that you, dear friends, can do the same.
a first day.
Dear Ben & Nate,
Last night, I was feeling nostalgic and started looking through old photos and videos. I know you’re technically still little, but, oh my heart, you have grown so much lately. These past four years have been so full of laughter and joy … you first made me a momma and that privilege is one of the greatest joys of my life. I could not be more grateful for every memory we have created together.
As we have prepared over the past several weeks for today {your first day of 4-year-old Pre-K at your new “big boy school”}, we have all felt excitement and anticipation for this new chapter in your lives. Shopping for your school supplies {you are both SO excited to have a big boy spiderman backpack}, meeting your teacher and celebrating with dinner out with just momma & daddy {little sisters stayed home}, have all built up to this morning.
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| Organizing their backpacks and showing off supplies to Papa 🙂 |
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| Dinner out after meeting their new teacher |
You will now be in school three times a week for a full day. I’ve been so nervous about this – yet another big transition for you. We have had so much change lately and I’ve been so worried about how you will handle another adjustment.
But, you were both so excited this morning. You didn’t want any help carrying your heavy backpacks…you put them on your back and marched right into your school building. Heads held high. There were no tears or apprehension about this new place. You found your name and took a seat at your little desk next to new faces.
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| Nathan’s expression is cracking me up… don’t mess with this guy. |
As I look back over “first days” of years past, I cannot help but marvel at the boys you have become. You are no longer my babies or even my toddlers…you have become so independent and your personalities continue to emerge.
I’ve prayed over this new year…over your new school, your new teacher and your new friends. I’ve asked God to shepherd your hearts through the new experiences and lessons you will learn in this new place. I’ve asked that He use this time of learning to prepare your minds and, most importantly, your hearts for what is to come on this road of life. I’ve asked for your hearts to be kind…for you to reach out to new friends and to make others feel loved. I’ve asked that you exude His light in this new place.
What an honor it is to be your momma, sweet boys. I am so very proud of you and am anxiously awaiting the news of how your day went!
With all my love,
Momma