Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

Archives for 2014

my tambourine is packed.

Last weekend, I headed into the Created for Care retreat feeling weary, longing to hear from the Lord, aching to understand why our journey has been so hard and so full of heartache.

Going into the weekend, I journaled these words:

‘This year, I am at such a place of desperation for you, Jesus. I know that I can’t do anything on my own strength and I can’t place my hope in what I know or what I can see. Meet me here. Fill me up. Show me where to place my feet. Each step. Each moment. Help me to focus here and on you, not ahead and what’s to come.’

Beautiful print and precious letter written by Dave tucked into my registration folder. 
Such a sweet surprise and perfect start to the weekend. 

Today, I can tell you that I came away full. Full of His peace, assurance, sustenance.

Surrounded by precious friends. Friends who have carried our family over the past year and a half. Friends who have taught me so much about faith, encouragement and the power of prayer. Friends who have struggled on their own paths, shedding collective tears and shrieks of joy along the way. What a blessing these ladies have been in my life.

Showered in so much love… gifts greeted me from these sweet friends!

Our main speaker, Beth Guckenberger, spoke directly to my heart. Her words were like a soothing balm reminding me of the One in whom I can trust fully.

Three themes were impressed upon my heart during this time away.

1}. Sustenance. 


God will always provide. Strength. Peace. Joy. One moment, one step, one day at a time.

Like a Good Shepherd leading his sheep, we can trust that He will guide us to green pastures. We can keep our ears tilted toward Him, listening for the next place to place our feet. The next stop. The next fork in the road. Ours is meant to be a position of dependance on Him.

2}. The Story is Not Over Yet. 


God always writes the absolute best stories. And, our story is not over yet {can I get an AMEN?}! No matter what may come, I can trust in Him to write each page … culminating in a beautiful story of Faithfulness.

3}. Place Yourself in a Position to Praise. 


Take a lead from Miriam’s song in Exodus 15:20. Although she was being led away from everything she had ever known. Although she didn’t know where she was going or how long the journey would last. Although she had to pack up all of her belongings to leave and follow Moses out of Egypt. Amidst the unknowns, the uncertainty, and likely, the fear; she took the time to pack a tambourine.

A tambourine.

I  can only imagine that I would have thrown some clothes, shoes, extra food and water into a sack … but a tambourine? I’m not so sure that would have made the cut.

Yet, she had placed herself in a position to praise God, full of confidence that He would lead them and save them. After the Red Sea parted and made a miraculous way for the Israelites to escape, Miriam was prepared to sing a song of praise.

In Beth’s words, this is reckless faith: when you don’t know the when, the where, the why or the how … only the Who.

And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]! {Isaiah 30:18 AMP}

I’m packing my tambourine, friends. I want to trust so fully that the Lord will triumph gloriously in our family’s story, that I am ready to burst out in songs of praise.



**The super-talented, Courtney from A Faithfulness Told, is working on a little bloggity make-over for me ! I love it so far!!

let it go. for His glory.

I’ve been going through a process of simplifying {purging is a better word} trying to get a handle on the never-ending piles of stuff cluttering up our home.

Lately, I’ve been ruthless with my “organizing.” I’ve forced myself to let go of sentimental value and attachment to things. I truly believe that the less stuff I have to manage, the more time I’ll have to devote to the people I love.

I decided to go through the house, room-by-room, and let go of anything that I haven’t used in the past year. Oh my word. It was embarrassing … the amount of extra stuff in our home that we are not even using is just crazy. We even cleared out some extra storage out in our barn. You guys, we have been storing furniture that we haven’t EVER used in our home. Just storing it…you know, in case we need it. This is the epitome of first-world-problems.

I desperately want a home OVERFLOWING with joy and love, not possessions.

As I look back at journal entries from the past month, I see a clear theme: let it go. 

…What is God trying to teach me in this wait right now? I’m trying to trust and remain still but I am so impatient…

…I’m praying now that my heart is open to what God has in store for me and for our family. He is wanting me to learn something. Who He is. Faithfulness. Trust…

…Feeling overwhelmed with my “to-do’s” and everything around me. Piles of stuff with no place to be put away. A possible move. A garage sale {?}. Photos to be organized. So much “stuff” – none of it is of eternal importance, yet it consumes me… 


…I get grumpy and anxious and short-tempered. I miss moments. Instead of focusing on Him, I focus on the things of this world. I say I want to just sell everything, give it away…but, then, I’m overwhelmed with the prospect. What stays? What goes? Where do I start? I become paralyzed and do not act when I know the Holy Spirit is saying “This. This is what you should do. Let it go. Let go of your stuff. Your possessions. None of this defines you. I define you. You are a daughter of the King of Kings. Your riches in Heaven shine for eternity. Free up space around you. Declutter your things, your mind, your spirit…”


…I’m scared. We will have FOUR kids. Lots of stuff – gear, toys, clothes, mail, papers… I can’t just step away from it all…

Yet, today. Today, He showed me that each step forward in faithful obedience will be rewarded. Not rewards of earthly value, but a far greater reward – rewards of eternal significance.

After a couple of weeks of keeping my head down and taking one step at a time – one cabinet, one closet, one box – purging, simplifying, gathering donations and organizing…

Organizing all of the stuff…so thankful for all the helpers:)

He reminded me once again that joy is found from listening to His voice.

He loves so abundantly and wants good things for us all. What a joy it was to be a part of this small thing – a garage sale. Not a huge undertaking by any means. But, it will change lives in the Congo. 54 lives to be exact. 54 children that will now have full bellies for one whole month. In one day – God provided enough for one month of food for these children. And, we still have another day of selling tomorrow.

One month of full tummies and tangible love. All because I {and lots of friends – thank you all for the donations!} let go of a few dishes and chairs and clothes that haven’t even been used in the past 365 days.

Let it go, friends.

Breathe it out … let it go. Let go of what is holding you down and inhale His love. It really is a beautiful trade-off.

“…sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” {Matthew 19:21}

even if.

We spent some time yesterday with the absolute most adorable little lambs, ever. I now want one or two or three. Four kids…two dogs…a few chickens…might as well throw in a few sheep to round out the crazy!

As I look through these photos today, I am reminded that God tells us – me, you, my family, my S – that we are the sheep under His care. {Psalm 95:7}
Your God is coming! Yes, the Sovereign LORD is coming in all his glorious power. He will rule with awesome strength. See, he brings his reward with him as he comes. He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. {Isaiah 40: 10-11}

Today, I can’t help but be grateful for the fact that God has placed other mother sheep in my life to walk alongside me on this adoption journey in ways that very few people can. Mommas that are lifelines for prayer and encouragement and love. I talk/email/text/message with this group pretty much daily, depending on the season and circumstance. To even begin to describe my gratitude for this group of prayer-warrior, super-momma friends is impossible. They are blessing upon blessing.

This weekend, one of these precious friends received heartbreaking news. She lost someone she loves dearly. One of the most important people in her life. {She hasn’t shared all of the details publicly so I don’t want to share here…just want to give you the general details so you can understand the heartache…}
This was a shock and our little group has been shaken and heartbroken with her. We can’t understand this pain. We can’t understand why God didn’t heal this time. Or, why the son she loves isn’t home yet after a year of waiting. 
Then, this morning, I found out some very hard news. Again, I have to be cryptic because I can’t share the details here but I will say that we really thought we had a chance of getting our daughter home. I wish I could share more but know that we had bags packed and visas ready…we were waiting every day, in anticipation for the call that would change our lives. We thought this could be it. We thought this was the door that had been opened that no one could slam shut {Rev. 3:8}.
We waited. And, waited. And, waited. 
We prayed big, bold prayers. We placed our firm hope in Him. 
And, today, we learned that this isn’t it. She won’t be coming home now. Someday, yes, but not today. 
Our baby girl turns two in two days. Two-years-old. We first saw her face and fell in love with her when she was nine-months-old. We held her in our arms five months ago. 
We watch her grow and change in photos. We try to imagine what she is doing throughout the day. We pray for her. We long for her to be here. I know, with full confidence, that God called us here. I know, He clearly said this is our daughter. He placed a fierce love in our hearts for this precious little one. 
I don’t understand any of this pain. This pain as we wait for our daughter, this pain that my dear friend is enduring or the pain that so many of my friends are living through right this minute. 
I keep asking God what He wants me to learn from all of this. Asking how He can turn this dark valley, this heartache, for good. 
He has revealed Himself in new ways over the past couple of weeks. I have been trying to process the lessons He is teaching me. I know He is asking me to have a steadfast faith. I know He is asking me to place my Hope in Him alone. Yet, I don’t fully understand what it is He wants me to ascertain from this heartache. 
He gave me an image about a week ago that I have held onto…
My family: Dave, myself, Ben, Nathan, S and baby Charlotte, all kneeling at the cross. His arms encompassing us. Holding us closely. His whisper to my heart, “I’ve got you. I’ve got them. Let go. Trust.” 
He is holding us and protecting us and fighting for us. I trust this. In the same way a shepherd protects his sheep by drawing them close when they begin to wander and lifting them out of the crevices into which they might fall, our Shepherd is protecting and guiding our steps. 
Yesterday afternoon, after my doctor’s appointment {all is well with baby Charlotte! thank you, Jesus}, I revisited the spot where, over a year ago, I had prayed over that sweet photo of our S and asked for discernment about whether or not to say, “yes.” This time, I prayed that He would come near. That He would show me that He hasn’t forgotten us … I felt a nudge to open my Bible app and read these words…”You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” {Jeremiah 29:13}.
This made me smile. He is near. 

This morning as I cried out, I felt Him saying that this is not about S. He has her. He will bring her home. He will be glorified. This is about me. My heart. When I pray for a miracle and praise Him for what He can do; am I praying and seeking Him because of the miracle He is able to perform or because I sincerely, genuinely want to praise Him out of an overflowing spring of love and humble adoration? 
This thought hit home. I feel myself striving more and more… seeking Him more and more… yet, I am constantly picking and choosing the lessons, the scriptures. I choose the ones that reveal His power and might. The biblical accounts of His miraculous works. Because, quite frankly, I need a miracle. 
As I drove home from dropping the boys off at pre-school this morning, I heard the song Even If. 
That’s it. That’s what I’ve been searching for. I remember when a precious friend said those words aloud to me, Even If. Painful words for my heart. I repeated them with tears streaming down my cheeks. 
“…even if, even if, she isn’t home in the next month or the month after that or after that…even then, I can hold onto hope. He will give me grace and strength to make it through each and every day. I need to take one day at a time and hold onto Him in each moment of waiting…”
Even if. 
God is still good. God is still the forever faithful One. 
“Sometimes all we have to hold on to 

Is what we know is true 



Of who You are 


So when the heartache hits like a hurricane 

That can never change who You are 
And we trust in who You are 


Even if the healing doesn’t come 

And life falls apart 

And dreams are still undone 
You are God You are good 
Forever faithful One 
Even if the healing 
Even if the healing doesn’t come”
{Kutless- Even If}
I will continue to wait in Hope. I will continue to bow down in worship and kneel before the Lord our Maker, for he is our God and we are the people He watches over, the flock under His care {Psalm 95 6-7}.

snow. and sun.

Dave just called to say that the water tank is frozen and we don’t have hot water in the master bedroom shower or kitchen sink. As a Floridian who wound up living in NW Arkansas {where the temperatures are usually fairly mild}, I had no idea this could even happen. And, let’s be honest, I’m grateful the boys and I decided to stay in Florida for an extra week.

They’re not laughing at you, daddy, they’re laughing with you….

Even though I spent yesterday leisurely reading a book under the warm Florida sun while the boys dug “a garden” {aka- a sand pit} in my parent’s backyard {you’re welcome, dad}, I have to share a few photos from our big snowstorm last month. These photos are to sympathize with all of our friends back home enduring this second big winter storm {this never happens in NW Arkansas, by the way, crazy!}.

My dad looks angry in this picture for some reason. ha! The boys had a blast with Papa riding around the neighborhood on a four-wheeler. Completely normal.

I’d hate to rub in the fact that I didn’t have to put on fifteen layers to walk out the door, so, instead, I’ll look back on our fun in the snow. And, when I say fun, I mean the boys had a blast up until the point where snow snuck into a glove or onto a cheek. At which point, we had to frantically rush inside to strip off the gazillion layers {I know, it was fifteen earlier but it felt like a gazillion at this point} as fast as possible {which is not easy when you are by yourself  — did I mention Dave was out of town that weekend snowmobiling with friends? — and there are two screaming 3 year-olds demanding immediate attention}. After the offensive snow gear was removed, the boys would race over to the fire to warm up their hands and faces. And, I’d be remiss to forget to tell you that this is a real wood burning fire – one that I had to keep going all weekend by myself – can we talk about stress and pressure? if the fire went out…how would we complete this song and dance?

{And, mostly, I finally have my computer back and am having fun walking down memory lane from the past two months as I upload all of these pictures off my camera}.

Nathan is obsessed with eating snow. It’s an issue. It took forever to walk anywhere because he’d have to stop and eat a little snow every few steps. 

Stay warm, friends!