Sitting at a stoplight this morning, tears pricked my eyes as the lyrics drifting in through the speakers transported me right back to the years of tears, frustration, anger, confusion, loss, waiting for two pink lines, adoption doors closing, endless doctor’s appointments and shots and blood work and medicine..
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains…
Friend I don’t know where you are
And I don’t know where you’ve been
Maybe you’re fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you’re crying out for mercy
If there’s no hope left at all
If you’ve given everything you’ve got
And you’re still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on
(Building 429, Always)
I wrote these lyrics in my little purple journal on July 19, 2009. The words served as a tangible reminder to offer up my tiny mustard seed of faith and trust that God would not leave me in my sorrow. I knew in the deepest recesses of my heart that it was God who had planted this desire in me to become a momma and I refused to give up hope that my prayers would someday, somehow be answered.
Even still, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the road He paved for my family from that summer day to this one ten years later. I didn’t know about the pregnancy just up ahead, the scary preterm birth of the twins, their fighting spirit and NICU stay, the long adoption road to our Sylvie, the miraculous surprise of Charlotte…and, never, ever, would I have dreamt that He would bless us exponentially with yet another perfect little man.
Those years of pleading prayers taught me to release control, to surrender my plans and to walk closely; clinging to my Savior. He used those years to prepare my heart for the decade to come. For the spiritual battles to be fought, for the gratefulness to be cultivated and for the ability to recognize His hand at work in my life.
I turned the volume up and sang along, glancing in the rearview mirror at the five answered prayers riding with me in the car and offered up a prayer of immense gratitude.
Happy two week birthday to our little Luke!
(These two weeks have flown by in a blink! Today was your actual due date but we are so grateful that you are here already!)
You have brought so much joy to our family. You love to snuggle and are so calm and easy going. You love when we talk to you and you really seem to understand what we’re saying, you have such thoughtful eyes. You are really noisy – you’re always grunting and growling – but you hardly ever cry. When you do, your chin quivers and you just break everyone’s heart.
You eat and sleep really well and have eased into our family and our hearts so seamlessly, it’s as though you’ve always been here. God knew we needed you and I’m so very thankful for the gift of your life. What an immense honor it is to be your momma, little man.
You are loved beyond measure.
Family photos: The Kindred Collective
