Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

rest.

A quick google search generates 206 verses on the biblical command to rest. Yes, we must work and toil and seek our purpose while here on earth, yet, in order to be truly effective, we must be intentional about rest. For me, rest can look like a Sunday afternoon nap or a walk in the woods or a necessary pause on the daily demands of a hectic life.

This summer, our family was in desperate need of rest after a demanding year. So, we cashed in airline miles, took a few extra Covid tests than usual (we typically test twice a week for filming so this is just routine for us at this point), and turned off our cell phones for two glorious weeks away in one of my absolute favorite places on earth: Italy.

We spent time in off-the-beaten-path villages where we practiced the melodic language, ate unforgettable meals prepared with fresh ingredients, kicked soccer balls in nearly-vacant piazzas, explored ancient cathedrals and marveled at the astounding handiwork of God as we took in the beauty of mountains and sea.

Every visit to Italy leaves me longing for more. I find the country, her people and the array of culture unendingly captivating. Watching this magical land woo my kids for the first time was sheer joy.

We truly disconnected while we were away and I found myself sleeping soundly through the night after only a few days. This felt monumental and was tangible evidence of how deeply my soul needed this rest.

I am forever grateful for this time away together. Like all things in life, the trip wasn’t perfect: we were the victims of a scam that I shared a little about on Instagram and the kids weren’t always well behaved but, gracious, I am so very thankful we took the leap of faith to get on a plane and see more of this glorious earth created by our really good God. We came home with full hearts, rested souls and a fresh rejuvenation to step back into the demands of life.

In case you’re looking for family-friendly resources in Italy, here are two of my favorites:

The best vacation rental in Massa Lubrense, just outside of Sorrento: (Daniela is the most generous and accommodating host. She became a friend during our stay and we are already planning her visit here to Arkansas, she arranged a private dinner – cooked by her mom!- and tours in the area with her father-in-law and our new dear friend who took such good care of us after the whole scam-apartment debacle in Siena, Mr. Giovani): VRBO listing HERE.

My absolute favorite tour guide in Tuscany is my friend, Rebecca (and her husband, Pierre). Dave and I met Rebecca 14 years ago on our first trip to Italy and have become friends over the years; we never miss an opportunity to taste wine and eat delicious food with Rebecca and Pierre guiding the way. This time around, she and her team prepared the most fun, educational, and family-friendly tours for our crew. We spent time with her sweet family and they just made us feel so at home during our stay. I can’t recommend her and her tours enough (also, we adore her wine club – we get our Italy fix delivered straight to our door!). You can reach Rebecca at Grape Tours, HERE.

Visiting one of our favorite wineries, San Polino. Char loved the vineyard pup!

A milestone.

The thing about having one for-sure, for-sure last baby is that you’ve done this all before and you know how quickly the itty-bitty-baby days and months fly by. You know that your sleeping newborn will soon give way to a busy six-month old and then in a flurry of sleepless nights and long days and snuggles and nursing sessions and milestones and “firsts”, you suddenly find yourself celebrating a full year with this little person who has positively rocked your world in the best possible way and stolen every fiber of your heart forever and ever. You incredulously watch as this little blob of baby squishiness transforms before your eyes into a running, climbing, laughing, talking, house-destroying, highly entertaining toddler with a personality all his own.

You desperately reach for the pause button because it all happens way too fast.

Alas, you know it’s as impossible to freeze time as it is to bottle up that fresh baby scent radiating off your newborn’s perfect little head. The stages blur together and the only way to try to capture every little adorable thing is to take a zillion photos and videos and simply hold on tightly for the ride.

Today, was one of the milestone days that required a zillion photos and videos.

Luke’s first haircut. (Covid-style: Daddy played the role of barber).

Be still my heart.

    His baby curls are gone and while I haven’t yet become the mom who saves his little locks in a ziplock bag, I seriously considered it. Sheesh I love this little man and I still can’t quite believe he’s mine. For God to give me the chance to do this whole my-baby-is-growing-up-way-too-fast-dance once again is just so ridiculously gracious of Him.

    Look at that big boy hair! Gah. I can hardly handle it. If you need me for the rest of the day, I’ll be trying to wrangle this busy little guy for a few extra snuggles. ❤️

    Happy Sunday, friends!

    birthday month.

    From mid-May to mid-June, FOUR of our five kiddos’ have birthdays. It was a month of celebration at our house. Balloons were permanent decor and leftover cake could be found on the counter on any given day.

    We not only celebrated a lot of birthdays, but they were big ones: the boys turned TEN (double-digits … I can’t even believe it…) and my newborn baby turned ONE! I have no idea how an entire year passed in the actual blink of an eye. Motherhood is a constant dance of embracing the beauty and joy and discoveries of each new season while simultaneously grieving the (too fast) passage of time. As they say, babies don’t keep.

    I’ve once again neglected this blog because I’ve simply tried to keep up with our crazy daily lives. Quarantine hasn’t slowed life down for us — right after we wrapped virtual school for the year, we celebrated our newly 6, 10, and 1 year olds all the while maintaining a business and a farm.

    With the strangeness of quarantine, I really wanted to ensure each of the kiddos felt extra special this year on their big day (I also am a huge fan of birthdays and my mantra is bigger IS better on your day). So, we hosted birthday parades (BEST thing to come out of quarantine, by the way), rode real-life unicorns, got new pets, had sleepovers and camp-outs and laser tag wars and had a weeklong double-digit birthday countdown for the boys. It was a FULL month of celebrations and sugar-rushes and fun.

    These days may be full and they may be flying by at the speed of light, but they are so very sweet. I don’t take for granted these precious little years. What a joy it is to be hanging on for the ride with this crew!

    All the Great Things He Has Done.

    This morning, I received some hard news about someone I love.

    Just to be honest, whenever I’m confronted with any sort of bad news, my natural tendency is fear. As I stood on the brink of fear and worst-case scenarios and googling, I chose to turn to prayer and Truth instead. Which is why I’m writing this post right now. I am not perfect and my faith is often pint-sized and my fear is often a Goliath. BUT, when I refuse to listen to the lies of fear, my soul allows space for peace to usher in. And, I think someone reading these words may need to be reminded of this, as well.

    As I turned to scripture for reassuring words or verses to pray and cling to, I surprisingly found myself in the book of 1 Samuel. The Holy Spirit had lovingly and gently led me to an unexpected verse:

    “Now stand here quietly before the Lord as I remind you of all the great things the Lord has done for you and your ancestors.” – 1 Samuel 12:7

    He invited me to recount His faithfulness in my life. Because, He has always been faithful and CAN be trusted.

    So, I sat on my back porch, steaming mug of coffee in hand and hurriedly jotted down line after line of great things He has done in my tattered journal.

    As I was writing, I turned on the radio to find worship music and the song “So Far to Find You” started playing. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to the lyrics. You see, I had played that very song over and over and over again during the years of waiting during our adoption process. I haven’t heard the song in YEARS, yet, the familiar melody struck an immediate chord in my soul. A reminder of His Faithfulness.

    Yes, He was faithful in the wait. Yes, He brought our girl home in a miraculous way. Yes, He kept her safe. Yes, He was right there through it all, never leaving or forsaking us. And, even now, I catch glimpses of His great Faithfulness every day. In big and in small ways.

    When she first came home, Sylvie was terrified of animals (to be fair, she was terrified of everything when she first came home). She had never seen an animal at her orphanage or foster home. I can only imagine the fear and confusion she felt when she first arrived at our farm full of four legged creatures.

    Just last night, Dave and I both remarked how quickly Sylvie has bonded with our new pups, Jack and Belle. This is the first time she has ever shown genuine care and interest in an animal. I find her and Charlotte in the pasture brushing and hugging the pups throughout the day now. It’s as though God has used these gentle giants to heal a space in her heart that had been held captive by fear all of these years.

    He is Faithful.

    And, therefore, I can trust in His faithfulness of my past for my future. I will cling to what I know to be true of God’s character regardless of the tension and uncertainties surrounding me.

    Friends, with all that’s happening in our world right now, I would encourage you to take some time this morning to recount His faithfulness in your own life. I can assure you it will be time well spent and the record of great things He has done will be a beautiful depiction of His trustworthiness.

    The well of grace.

    For the first time in my lifetime, humanity – with all of our differences and cultural realities – feels united. Albeit, by a terrible virus, yet united nonetheless. The world has changed and, regardless of how we feel about the quarantine, or our current fears or our uncertainties, we are all in this strange season together. Our quarantine routines and daily lives may look different than one another – some of us are strictly homebound, some are working as essential employees – yet, the thing that unites us is the fact that our cities and towns and “normal” daily lives have all drastically changed. 

    For Dave and I, this is a season of working (construction is an essential business) and planning and designing new projects while juggling homeschooling four elementary-aged kiddos and a baby. Needless to say, our closets remain unorganized, the “honey-do” list remains unchecked and the laundry piles are the only constant. For our family, the quarantine hasn’t been the total halt that is has for others. Yet, so much has changed. 

    Our jam-packed calendar has mostly cleared. So many good things – like field trips and sports games and art camps – have been cancelled. The normal busy spring schedule we maintain as a family of seven has slowed dramatically.

    While we mourn the loss of so many good things, we are embracing and appreciating the slower pace at the end of each day. Not rushing into bedtime routines in anticipation of early mornings allows us to take long walks and play games and watch movies together. 

    Yet, we are desperately missing our people. By nature, our family is all about hospitality and opening our doors to friends. During a typical spring season, our home is a revolving shuffle of friends and family coming by for dinner or stopping over for coffee on the front porch. We love our people and we adore sitting around the table for hours of laughter and conversations and good food. 

    While I’m ready for life to return to “normal” in so many ways, I want to tuck away lessons from this season. I want to hold the words that have risen to the surface close. Words like simplicity, slow, and intentional. I want to hug my people and open my doors and fill my table once again. I want to linger over a delicious meal with good friends while the candles burn low. I want to continue to take long, unhurried walks while the sun slowly sinks behind the horizon. I want to continue to embrace gratitude for the mundane and the momentous. 

    I want to breathe deeply from the well of grace. I want to pray and live out this Sabbath prayer a dear friend read this morning on our church’s zoom call (from The Common Book of Prayer):

    Lord of Creation, 

    create in us a new rhythm of life

    composed of hours that sustain rather than stress, 

    of days that deliver rather than destroy, 

    of time that tickles rather than tackles. 

    Lord of Liberation,

    by the rhythm of your truth, set us free

    from the bondage and baggage that break us,

    from the Pharaohs and fellows who fail us,

    from the plans and pursuits that prey upon us.

    Lord of Resurrection,

    may we be raised into the rhythm of your new life,

    dead to deceitful calendars,

    dead to fleeting friend requests,

    dead to the empty peace of our accomplishments.

    To our packed-full planners, we bid, “Peace!”

    To our over-caffeinated consciences, we say, “Cease!”

    To our suffocating selves, Lord, grant release.

    Drowning in a sea of deadlines and death chimes,

    we rest in you, our lifeline.

    By your ever-restful grace,

    allow us to enter your Sabbath rest

    as your Sabbath rest enters into us.

    In the name of our Creator,

    our Liberator,

    our Resurrection and Life,

    we pray.

    Amen.

    Take a deep breath today, friends. Pray this prayer aloud and soak in the beauty of God’s grace and rest. Lay down your troubles and worries and fears for tomorrow. Trust in the firm foundation of a good God who is still on the throne and will never turn away or forsake His kids. He is only good. 

    In the words of Peter, “May you have more and more of God’s special favor and wonderful peace.” {1 Peter 1:2b}

    Right here, right now.

    I’ve been quiet in this space. It hasn’t been intentional. I’ve just had so much to share and absolutely no time to do so. My words swirl in my brain and often end up written in fragmented sentences in the small journal that rests on my nightstand rather than here. Having a baby and four (very busy) little people has kept me busy like never before. Not to mention the fact that we are filming a television show and remodeling homes…I’ve just been trying to make it through each day without dropping all of my precariously balanced balls from the air.

    One amazing thing about having a baby is that I have been forced to slow down. I literally have to sit down every few hours to feed him. I have to rock him to sleep at night, I have to alter my daily crammed schedule to allow for his needs. What a beautiful gift.

    I know that God gave us our littlest man in this season for so many good reasons…not the least of which is the perspective Luke brings to my life. While I so desperately want to always remember the feeling of his weight in my arms as he drifts off to sleep, I know from experience that I won’t be able to recall the exact feeling even a year from now. I find myself missing his “baby-ness” even as I hold him and stare at his perfectly puffed cheeks and long lashes and chubby wrists. I know this moment, this feeding, this belly laugh, this new discovery deserves my full attention; right here, right now.

    That’s the crux of motherhood – to live in the moment, to soak in every drop of these little cherubs, even in the midst of complete chaos and bad attitudes and sibling squabbles and messes and dirty rooms. Because, in retrospect, these moments that we think are exhausting and these days that seem to drag on will all certainly find the rosy glow of hindsight. These ARE the days. These 6,570 days of childhood (until they are 18) are the most beautiful, messy, hilarious, precious, glorious, treasures.

    When I opened my laptop, I had planned to write about the Coronavirus and fear and uncertainty. But, as I started typing, I realized the very thing we need to do right now is exactly what these last nine months have taught me to do every day – take a deep breath, look around, count my blessings and soak in this moment. Don’t think about the next moment (and the uncertainty looming) because while I’m focused on what’s ahead, I’ll miss what is unfolding; right here, right now.

    This is the most unique time we’ve ever experienced – school and sports and commitments are cancelled. Our calendars are clear for the first time, well, ever. Let’s use the time with intention. Let’s fix our thoughts on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, let’s think on those things when fear threatens to seep in. Let’s play boardgames and get out in nature. Let’s be smart and safe and informed while still remaining kind and loving and hopeful. Let’s not look to the uncertain days ahead with foreboding but rather to the certainty of this moment; right here, right now.

    Fear is on the horizon for many, I know. And, here’s the thing: I’m not a stranger to fear (I’ve battled this particular nemesis many times before – feel free to search “fear” on this blog and you’ll find words from years past on this subject) and I believe God works in and through us in all things. Therefore, I know that my past experiences with fear and uncertainty have taught me a thing or two about the faithfulness of God. I have first-hand experience with God’s trustworthiness. I know that my God hasn’t turned away and forgotten His people, I am confident in this: He is right here, right now.

    I am with you continually, so don’t be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to My hand. Keep your eyes on Me, enjoying Peace in My Presence. {Jesus Calling}

    The Lord said to me in the strongest terms: “Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you. Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear Him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.” {Isaiah 8: 11-14}

    always.

    Sitting at a stoplight this morning, tears pricked my eyes as the lyrics drifting in through the speakers transported me right back to the years of tears, frustration, anger, confusion, loss, waiting for two pink lines, adoption doors closing, endless doctor’s appointments and shots and blood work and medicine..

    I believe always, always
    Our Savior never fails
    Even when all hope is gone
    God knows our pain and His promise remains…

    Friend I don’t know where you are
    And I don’t know where you’ve been
    Maybe you’re fighting for your life
    Or just about to throw the towel in
    But if you’re crying out for mercy
    If there’s no hope left at all
    If you’ve given everything you’ve got
    And you’re still about to fall
    Well hold on, hold on, hold on

    (Building 429, Always)

    I wrote these lyrics in my little purple journal on July 19, 2009. The words served as a tangible reminder to offer up my tiny mustard seed of faith and trust that God would not leave me in my sorrow. I knew in the deepest recesses of my heart that it was God who had planted this desire in me to become a momma and I refused to give up hope that my prayers would someday, somehow be answered.

    Even still, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the road He paved for my family from that summer day to this one ten years later. I didn’t know about the pregnancy just up ahead, the scary preterm birth of the twins, their fighting spirit and NICU stay, the long adoption road to our Sylvie, the miraculous surprise of Charlotte…and, never, ever, would I have dreamt that He would bless us exponentially with yet another perfect little man.

    Those years of pleading prayers taught me to release control, to surrender my plans and to walk closely; clinging to my Savior. He used those years to prepare my heart for the decade to come. For the spiritual battles to be fought, for the gratefulness to be cultivated and for the ability to recognize His hand at work in my life.

    I turned the volume up and sang along, glancing in the rearview mirror at the five answered prayers riding with me in the car and offered up a prayer of immense gratitude.

    Happy two week birthday to our little Luke! 

    (These two weeks have flown by in a blink! Today was your actual due date but we are so grateful that you are here already!) 

    You have brought so much joy to our family. You love to snuggle and are so calm and easy going. You love when we talk to you and you really seem to understand what we’re saying, you have such thoughtful eyes. You are really noisy – you’re always grunting and growling – but you hardly ever cry. When you do, your chin quivers and you just break everyone’s heart.

    You eat and sleep really well and have eased into our family and our hearts so seamlessly, it’s as though you’ve always been here. God knew we needed you and I’m so very thankful for the gift of your life. What an immense honor it is to be your momma, little man.

    You are loved beyond measure. 

    Family photos: The Kindred Collective

    The best day…

    June 18th. My calendar has been marked for months. This day is highlighted, circled and there are plenty of exclamation marks — The Day We Meet Baby Luke!!!!!

    Change of plans… instead, today we celebrate Luke’s ONE WEEK BIRTHDAY!

    Last Tuesday, after I finished my post sharing Luke’s nursery, I took a quick shower and headed out to my 38 week appointment. Dave came along because we had a feeling Dr. D would want me to deliver sooner rather than later (but we weren’t thinking soon as in today).

    I had been in (and back out of) the hospital with contractions and a “this is it” feeling four times at this point and had spent six hours being monitored the previous Sunday when I really, really thought this is it! {I had even showered and blow-dried my hair at 4 am in preparation. Anyone who knows me, knows that blow-drying my hair is serious business and only happens when absolutely necessary}.

    After an NST and a quick check, Dr. D made the call and sent us straight to the hospital for me to be prepped for surgery. I had been having too many contractions and he didn’t feel like it was a good idea for me or baby to wait any longer. I had eaten lunch not long before my appointment, which meant we had to hold off on the c-section until 7:30 pm to ensure I had an empty stomach. {I honestly thought he would send us home to come back for an early morning delivery but he later confirmed that it was a very good thing we didn’t wait – Luke was ready to be born!}

    I was READY to deliver and finally meet Luke, yet, it all happened so suddenly and I was a little bit overwhelmed and slightly fearful at the prospect of surgery again. I sent Dave home to pack my bag and pick up the kids as I settled in to the room and spent some time praying and listening to worship music. Several friends were praying with me and I literally felt their prayers. By the time we headed into the OR, I was feeling peaceful.

    The kids were overwhelmed and scared since they had thought we had another week before Luke arrived and they were confused because I had just headed out to a routine check-up. My mother-in-law helped prepare them before Dave arrived to pick them up. Meanwhile, my mom was frantically booking a flight and found one that would arrive at 8am the next morning.

    My sister in law and niece arrived with make-up and a curling iron and worked around the nurse putting in my IV to apply a little mascara and blush. It was hilarious and I’m sure the nurse thought we were crazy.

    Once the kiddos arrived, we spent time together and prayed as a family before I headed to the OR to meet our new little man…

    As they prepped me and administered my spinal tap, Dave waited (anxiously) in the hall. I HATE the feeling of my body going numb and started to feel pretty panicky until they finally let Dave come in and he did an amazing job helping me relax and breathe. He is always so steady and calm and I couldn’t begin to hope for a better partner in this life. I fell more in love with him that day; watching as he, once again, led our family and tenderly welcomed a new little life into the world.

    At 7:52 pm, our lives changed for the better. Luke Robert Marrs entered the world and we welcomed him with tears of joy and so, so much gratitude for a healthy and perfect little guy!!!

    When Dave was able to bring him over to me, Luke opened his eyes and looked right at me the instant he heard my voice. We locked eyes and everyone in the room remarked at the way he recognized my voice instantly. It was the most sacred moment that I will forever cherish. I ached to jump out of that bed and scoop him into my arms.

    I could NOT wait for his siblings to meet him and I made sure Dave waited until I was back in the room before the big kids {they all seem SO giant now! I can’t handle it!!} arrived. They were each enamored and positively beaming. Such precious moments…

    When it was time to go home on Thursday, we realized that the bag of extra stuff I had sent home with Dave earlier also had Luke’s going home outfit in it. So, in true 5th child fashion, he went home in a little Mercy hospital shirt, covered in a blanket we had to dig out of the dirty clothes bag. Bless his heart.

    Also in true 5th child fashion, he was greeted by an excited cheering section. They stormed the vehicle ready to welcome their little brother HOME! After all these months, it still doesn’t feel real. He’s here! And, he’s the greatest, most unexpected little miracle blessing. As the proudest big sister in all the land, Charlotte, would say, “Cutie Patootie Luke-y Boy, we love, love, LOVE you!”

    One more week…

    One week from today, we will meet our newest little love. (If not sooner, I’ve been having a lot of contractions and I’m exhausted and sore and tired of not knowing if this is the real thing or just false labor again … we should know more this afternoon after my appointment where I may or may not beg my doctor to push up the scheduled c-section…;)).

    For the first eight months, this pregnancy crawled by at a snail’s pace. It felt like I was going to be pregnant forever and ever and ever. Then, out of nowhere, warp speed kicked in. And, here we are. About to have a baby.

    A baby! I still can’t believe it!

    My bag is packed. The nursery is ready. All the preparations are in place. Now, we just wait and pray for a healthy delivery and a healthy little guy. Then, we soak up his newborn snuggles and the precious extremely fleeting first days together. Even if you can never really be ready for what life will be like when a new baby arrives, we’re ready. So, so ready!

    The nursery.

    When we first found out I was pregnant, I immediately lamented the fact that we wouldn’t have a nursery for this baby because we were at our max capacity for bedrooms. As we started to dream about and plan for the recent remodel, I was so, SO grateful we were able to carve out a space that will be solely Luke’s. It was so much fun planning this room and his little play space. It was a sweet part of the pregnancy and nesting process and I love having a beautiful space to welcome our little guy into!

    Because of the laundry room addition to the side of the house, we needed to lose the window that had been in this room (the same thing happened to the guest bath). Therefore, we needed to add on a room with a window in order to provide an exterior window for the bedroom. We could have made it a small closet but decided to actually maximize the space by converting it into a small playroom (since we lost the upstairs playroom when we added dormers to make the girl’s bedrooms).

    I wanted to keep the nursery very serene and calming and not too “baby-ish” so that the space could easily grow with him. For the playroom, I went with a little more whimsical and fun space – highlighting adventure and play and reading. All things every little boy needs in their life.

    • Dave made the bookshelves and table and they turned out perfectly!
      Exactly what I had in mind!!
    • I had mentioned to Dave how much I would love some handmade wooden toys for Luke. He surprised me with these on Easter morning. I love them!
    • Chiquita LOVES the teepee… ha!

    I hope you enjoyed the tour and I can’t wait to share photos of this room with Luke in it!! SOON!!!

    Nursery and Playroom Sources:

    1. Wall Color : Farrow and Ball, Green Smoke #47
    2. Trim Color: Benjamin Moore, White Dove OC-17
    3. Pendant Light : Lulu & Georgia, Sayan Pendant
    4. Crib : Dave Marrs (He has built every one of our kiddo’s cribs and I love them all!) 🙂
    5. Crib Sheets : Rookie Humans, Woodland Dreams (direct link below)
    6. Commissioned Art : Melissa Griffith
    7. Nursery Chair : Williams Sonoma Home
    8. Play Gym : My Urban One Nordic Wooden Baby Gym
    9. Nursery Rug : HomeGoods
    10. Cactus Print : Remedy Road
    11. Letterboard : Felt Like Sharing
    12. Table Lamp : Target
    13. Whimsical Cactus : 72 West
    14. Changing Basket : Lulu & Georgia, Olli Ella Reva Basket
    15. Changing Basket Insert : Lulu & Georgia, Olli Ella Changing Basket Insert
    16. Artificial Cactus : Target
    17. Dresser : Vintage
    18. Wall Map : Gathre, Midi+
    19. Hot Air Balloons : 72 West
    20. Play Teepee : Target
    21. Floor Cushion : Remedy Road

    The sweetest duo.

    I am working to get caught up on personal posts (because I’m several years behind on photo albums and my nostalgia-memory-recording self has kicked into overdrive with a baby on the way and Charlotte finishing up PreK so I need to record these memories somewhere!) and I realized I never shared these SWEET pictures!!

    Charlotte and Daddy went on a date a couple weeks ago during one of her off days from school (while “the kids” – as she refers to them – were at school). She was SO excited and told me all about her plans for the perfect outfit as I lay beside her in bed the night before. She had her hairstyle planned, along with exactly which bows and headband would complete the look.

    That morning, she woke up with such joy and excitement and starting quickly assembling her outfit. It required a very specific “twirly” dress as layer one and then her rainbow dress as the outer layer. The “piggy braids” had to have poof balls on the ends along with a hair bow and her sparkly gold headband.

    She made Dave stay in the kitchen with his eyes closed as she ran out and straight into his arms to surprise him for their day together…

    He said she looked like a magical princess and she BEAMED with bride.

    As they went off on their way, I stopped to pray for her future spouse. May he be as loving and kind and strong and humble and generous as her daddy. May he always treasure her like the beautiful, precious gift, big-hearted gift she is.

    And, may her identity be solid and firm because of the great big love of her earthly daddy and her Heavenly Father as she grows up in this unstable world.

    They had a super fun day complete with surprising ME by going to get me a new car (to fit all 5 kiddos!!) and Chuck E Cheese together. She was on cloud 9 for days afterward. And, I was super surprised and grateful for my big SUV!!

    I don’t ever want to forget these sweet moments… I know she will be off on dates with boys in the blink of an eye and I really can’t even deal with that thought! ha! I love these two so much!!

    this unexpected life.

    Two years ago, we took in a baby lamb in need of bottle feeding around the clock. I thought it would be fun and the lamb was pretty adorable so there was a zero percent chance of me turning her away. Trixie-the-lamb thought she was a dog and went on walks with us and slept cuddled alongside our lab on the porch. She grew up, we added a couple of friends and she had a baby.

    These days, we have twelve sheep (Trixie is the matriarch), a llama, half a dozen cows (with babies due soon!), a dozen chickens, three dogs and two kittens.

    Never, ever, ever did I expect to live on a farm with actual food that we produce and eat and animals that we care for each day (Did I mention the word NEVER??). Yet, here we are. Making it up and learning as we go (see photo example here of Dave’s first sheep shearing experience – bless it).

    Here’s the thing, life will undoubtably throw you all sorts of curve balls (God’s not surprised by any of them but we certainly can be) and you have a choice:

    Run and hide because you feel ill-equipped;

    OR

    step into the crazy and laugh and learn and make a lot of mistakes and ask a ton of questions and risk looking foolish along the way.

    I promise you, looking foolish is actually fun if you’re willing to not take yourself too seriously.

    I couldn’t be more grateful for the fact that we kept saying yes to the crazy and now have a pasture full of animals and we get the privilege of marveling as we watch brand-new mommas coax along their shaky-legged newborns to their feet. Or, for the sweet simplicity of lingering on the front porch with my love and a steaming mug of coffee, before the day begins, laughing together as we watch the kittens hide behind a tree to scare the llama.

    This is the (completely, unexpected and absolutely unplanned for) good stuff.

    a much-needed break.

    In the busyness of life, white space often feels illusive. Days are brimming with obligations and unread emails and making beds and renovation decisions and laundry and conference calls and soccer practice. I forget to plan ahead for dinner and find myself scrambling at the end of a long day to transform the meager contents of the fridge (grocery store runs always fall to the bottom of my list) into something edible for my family. I sign reading logs and practice math facts and ensure teeth are brushed and soap is used in the bath (why is it so difficult to remember to use soap? Is this quandary unique to my little people? Tell me it isn’t so…). I close my eye and smile as sweet voices lift up words of thankfulness for the little moments from the day before offering up innocent pleas for “a healthy baby brother” and “protection for our animals” and healing for a scratch or a sore throat or an “infection in my ear,” I kiss foreheads and tell stories and finally collapse into my own bed. Exhausted physically but so very full.

    Enter, Spring Break.

    The calendar for this entire week has been blissfully empty. A week specifically set aside for rest and laying down responsibilities. The weather practically showed off all week – sunshine, cool temperatures and chilly nights – perfect for exploring outside during the day and making bonfires with s’mores in the evenings.

    We have had our share of sibling squabbles, please don’t envision us sitting around singing and laughing all day through. Even still, the sweet moments have far outweighed the hard ones. After being cooped up inside for the long, dreary winter months, my little people have essentially thrown on their shoes in the morning and let their imaginations lead them on outdoor adventures throughout the day. The boys worked together for two days constructing a rock pathway from the house to the lake, the girls have rehearsed their ballet performance on “stage” countless times (stage=daddy’s equipment trailer or a large rock; any flat surface will suffice), a puzzle is in constant progress on the dining table, a tree fort design has been finalized with work commencing this afternoon, fish have been beckoned with reels and turkey dogs (no luck just yet;)), and underground caverns have been explored.

    As the remodel work on our house continues, and the countdown to the arrival of Baby Luke rapidly progresses (89 days to go!), I could not be more grateful for this blissful week of calm in the midst of our typically crazy lives. I feel like God has used this time to prepare my heart for the season we are poised to embark on.

    As we approach the close of our chapter as a family of six, I am at peace. If I’m honest, the news of baby #5 was not met with immediate peace and exuberance. It took me a minute to wrap my mind around the fact that my plans were about to take a major detour – a miraculous one, yes – but a detour nonetheless. I had just started finding my footing again after a really hard season of raising a whole lot of really little people (4 under 4 can threaten to make a sane person rather crazy), dealing with unsettling health issues caused by extreme stress and PTSD from our traumatized daughter’s behavior and subsequent attachment disorder (that’s a whole other post for a whole other time, adoptive mommas – just know, we are in this together and it is hard and secondary trauma is very, very real but healing is possible), and feeling whole again as I started to work more consistently and write and take up running again. All the things I had placed on the back-burner for a few years were, once again, bubbling at the surface and allowing me to feel like my old self.

    Charlotte will be starting kindergarten in the fall (somebody hold me). While I know I will be crying in a corner missing my little sidekick for a day or two (or three), I also had big plans for the new freedoms this would allow in my schedule. I could once again work at a more full-time pace and actually put my butt in the chair and start writing the book I have had swirling around in my mind for a couple of years. I considered training again for another long distance race (considered being the key word here;)) and started regularly attending a physically and emotionally rewarding pilates class. Dave and I started planning and dreaming about spending the summer back in our beloved South Africa and Zimbabwe as a family.

    The VERY unexpected two pink lines threw a rather large kink in my nicely laid plans. I may or may not have marched outside, stick in hand, to find Dave and lay the news on him. I walked out of the garage just as he was headed back inside and, as we intersected on the driveway, I took the opportunity to kindly relay the wonderful news to him in the form of a stick thrown to his forehead.

    It was not my finest moment.

    He reacted in the calm, cool, level-headed way he always does while I sat in the driveway and cried for thirty minutes.

    I’m so sorry, Luke. If you read these words one day, know that you are loved beyond measure and God has big, big plans for your life. He knew that despite my own selfishness, your life is the best gift He could have ever given our family. Your life was planned for this exact moment in the timeline of history. I may have not had you on my radar for 2019 but, goodness gracious, God did. And, God’s plans and timing are perfect and far greater than my own silly plans to run or work (two things I don’t even really like to do all that much;)) or “get my life back” – a lie straight from the enemy. My life has always been carefully and preciously held in the hands of my Father. And, even more importantly, my dreams have been shaped by God’s desires and are exceedingly better than they ever were ten years ago – before I had this loud, crazy, beautiful family of mine.

    I may feel too old to start over again. I may feel ill-equipped to manage the emotions and spiritual development and laundry and school registration forms of five little people. I may feel overwhelmed some days with the sheer amount of stuff we continually accumulate and sort through and donate. I may feel completely insufficient at remembering preschool snack days or keeping all the school dress-up days straight or remembering to attend the 10:00 ballet class on Tuesday mornings consistently.

    BUT, God.

    He knows these five little loves of mine don’t need an organized momma or a momma who greets them after school with freshly-baked-from-scratch cookies or a momma who gets it right all the time and never has to apologize for her bad attitude or unkind words.

    He knows they need a momma who loves them with a ferocity that could take on the very legions of hell. He knows they need a momma who will stand with them and be there for them no matter what life throws their way. He knows they need a momma who can’t “juggle it all” or live up to the standards of the world because she knows her need for Jesus and knows she is nothing in her own strength. He knows they need a momma to show them the upside-down Kingdom of God. He knows they need a momma who lives life with her plans surrendered in hopeful expectation of all God has in store. He knows they need a momma to teach them about life’s detours and the goodness of God in the midst of every unexpected turn.

    He knows.

    And, as we take our steps toward a new season as a family of seven, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I find myself awestruck that God would give so many good gifts to little ole’ me, someone who messes up all the time and is ridiculously undeserving.

    And, I think that’s the whole point. To make a regular habit of pausing, taking an inventory of my many gifts from above and to offer up praise to the bestower of each and every one.

    “I will bless you.”

    The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you…” {Genesis 12:1-2, emphasis mine}

    “I will bless you.”

    He will not burden you. He will not break you. He will bless you – the God of invincible reliability, the God who has infinite resources, the God who is insistent love.

    – The Greatest Gift, Ann Voskamp

    I first read these words during Advent of 2013. I clung to this promise like a lifeline as I longed and prayed for our daughter waiting for us in an orphanage across the globe. God’s blessings felt distant that Advent season. As I read through this same devotional this year, five Advents later, I can reflect on the beauty of that season of waiting. Advent, after all, is meant to draw us into a season of Hopeful anticipation. A season of waiting and slowing and lingering. We aren’t meant to sprint through the season, rushing toward the promised blessing. Instead, we are meant to pause. We are meant to quiet the noise of the world and dim the flashy distractions tempting us off-course. We are meant to draw near to the Giver of every good gift.

    This Advent season looks so very different than the one as I waited and ached for our girl. My house is full, my cup literally overflows and my calendar is jam-packed. Yet, still. I wait.

    I wait and I pray out of heartfelt gratitude. I reflect on the past ten years – the dips and turns and mountains in my path. My eyes blur with joyful tears. Laughter rests at the tip of my tongue, ready to burst forth at any moment. I sit in absolute awe at the feet of my Savior. For the gift of His coming. For the gift of the cross. For the abundant blessings He has bestowed upon my little family. For His insistent love.

    For the years of persistent prayers…He heard every single one. For the countless tears…He collected every drop. He kept track of my sorrows and He turned each and every one into praise. Four miraculous little lives…proof of His invincible reliability. And, now…

    Now, when I thought the chapter on building our family was finished. When, I thought we were moving on to new chapters and new stories. He surprises us with the most unexpected blessing. Yet again, He proves Himself faithful beyond human comprehension.

    Never in a million years did I expect to welcome another pint-sized Marrs into the world. In my disbelief, I have refused to celebrate the joy of this miracle in fear of reality rebuking my bliss. I have guarded my heart in doubt. It seemed too good to be true. Too miraculous to be real.

    Yet, reading these words, “He will not burden you. He will not break you. He will bless you,” pulled me back under His shield of Love, away from the arrows of fear. 

    Friends, I am THRILLED to share that Baby BOY Marrs will be here this summer!

    Is this not the CRAZIEST news?!? I still can’t quite believe it myself.

    Much love and Happy Advent to you all!!!!

    Don’t miss it.

    My days currently have the most unexpectedly sweet rhythm. Now that we’ve wrapped filming for our first season of Almost Home (and, by the way, the network is considering a name change for the show… I’ll keep y’all posted as soon as I learn the new name), Dave and I both felt an unmistakable call to intentionally slowing down and creating whitespace within our days. After eight months of intense filming and renovating ten homes, we were emotionally and physically exhausted. We approached this new season of purposeful rest with zeal and excitement, knowing God would use this time for something really good.

     

    So far, we have attended our fair share of soccer games (cheering on our boys from the sidelines is something I’ll never get over. I didn’t expect to love watching my kids do what they love so much…it really is yet another surprise of motherhood), been home every night to make dinner and help with homework (as much as I lament the fact that these little people are constantly wanting to eat and meal planning makes my head want to explode some days, I really missed cooking dinner for my people), been greeted with a running leap and hug at preschool pick-up every other day and resumed my place in after-school carline. I certainly have a newfound appreciation for the flexibility of my schedule prior to filming. All of the mundane things that I surprisingly missed so much when I had to turn over the reins to someone else.

    We are currently working on a couple of remodel projects (again, scaling WAY back) and are preparing once again to host our big Help One Now gala in a few weeks at the farm. This year, we have our beloved Zimbabwean partners for the Gatehouse Project, Pastor John and Orpah, coming to stay with us in order to be our featured guests at the gala!! Our whole family is so excited about this!


    Without really thinking it through, last Friday, we took in the most frightened and frail orphaned baby calf and named her Betsy. She fought us for a couple of days but quickly learned what the bottle was and now runs up when she sees me coming. Each morning, I fill her bottle, throw on my muck boots and coat, and walk down to the pasture to feed Betsy breakfast.

    As I go, I have three dogs running alongside me, two kittens mischievously darting around me, and six sheep running in excitedly from the other field.

    Just this morning, I start to tear up as I hold the bottle and look Betsy in the eye. I may sound crazy, but I see light where I once only saw fear. I know, she is a cow. But, I am telling you, her eyes look different.

    As she sucks down her nutrients, I laugh at the sights around me. A kitten jumping around a sheep, while the sheep tries to sniff her in what can only be described as confusion. Dora, the lab, stoically standing at the pasture gate, watching Betsy with intensity. She has been by Betsy’s side since day one, I like to imagine she is silently cheering her on. {Dora is our momma of the farm, she took Trixie the lamb in last year as one of her own, she watches over the kittens and corals them when the run too far, she stands guard over the kids when they’re outside playing. She always keeps a watchful eye on her domain}. My tears and laughter mix together and I can only praise Jesus for His goodness.

    I could have missed all of this. I could have stayed in my beloved newly built home in our historic downtown, living my comfortable life, focused more on the things of this world, than the Giver of good gifts. I could have refused to listen to the Holy Spirit prompting us to sell our home and downsize in order to move out to this farm. I could have stayed in that place of grieving a life that once was and allowed myself to continue to feel isolated and out of place, a girl raised in the suburbs of Orlando with cows and pastures as my new neighbors. I could have not seen this place as the holy gift it is. A place where we welcomed in a new baby and a traumatized toddler. A place where we have raged a spiritual war against an enemy who relentlessly attacked our girl, and consequently, our entire family. A place where God has shown up in real ways. A place where my boys remind me each night during their prayers; Angels stand guard, surrounding these four walls.

    Oh friends, don’t miss it. Don’t miss whatever it is God is calling you to. It may feel like the absolute craziest, illogical thing you could ever imagine. You may not be able to explain it to anyone without receiving honest-to-goodness concerns for your mental well-being. You may try to talk yourself into believing you didn’t hear God correctly. You will certainly start hearing lies from the enemy trying to distract you and throw you off course. Don’t listen to him. Lean in to the Holy Spirit and follow. Even if your knees are shaking and you’re grieving the life and the plans you thought you had so meticulously laid out. Especially then. Because, I promise, promise, promise you, God’s plans are infinitely higher and grander and better than anything you or I could dream up on our own. Take Him at His word. He’s ready to gush forth springs of healing and restoration.
    Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the desert. The parched ground will become a pool, and springs of water will satisfy the thirsty land. (Isaiah 35:6-7)

    Small beginnings.

    “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,” {Zechariah 4:10}.

    I’ve been mulling this verse over for the past couple of days, trying to wrap my mind around why it instantly grabbed my attention. I kept going back to meditate on it, slowly reading the words again and again. As I did, examples came to mind of small beginnings in my own life…times when I couldn’t possibly understand what the eventual outcome of the “work” would be. At those times, the small starting place in front of me seemed manageable even when the full scope could be overwhelming. Our adoption process, our non-profit work, our berry farm, our family travel to Africa…big, daunting processes and projects and life-changes…all of which began small.

    One email and one phone call led us down a path toward our Sylvie that we never would have had the strength for had we known how long, tumultuous and uncertain it would be.

    One small fundraiser started us on a path of non-profit work beginning by feeding a few dozen kiddos in a small orphanage in Congo and leading to feeding hundreds of kiddos and eventually to supporting a holistic, sustainable agricultural training center for orphaned teens in Zimbabwe. Truly, a path we never, ever, ever would have seen coming.

    One land sale leading to Dave’s vision for a blueberry farm…which led to the work in Zimbabwe and a church plant and an event center…Honestly, WHO would have imagined any of it?? We aren’t farmers or church planters or event planners. We are just an ordinarily family who gathered some friends together to plant small blueberry plants in a field one summer day.

    One purchase of airplane tickets for our family to travel to South Africa last year. It was such a small step but carried so much weight. It was the first step in a path the Lord had laid for healing for our little crew. A month of rest and immense joy. All of which we had never anticipated or expected. We just knew He was calling us to go. So, we went. And, the blessings were abundant.

    Yesterday, as I was watching my boys confidently walk across our yard together after an adventure (proudly carrying a bow and arrow — thanks for that, Daddy), I saw it. I saw the way God led us to this place years ago, unbeknownst to us, He led us here for moments just like this exact one. When we hesitantly said yes to a move to this little patch of land outside of town, it was a small beginning the Lord rejoiced in.

    He knew what was in store. He knew that this place, so unexpected, would allow our babies to have a childhood filled with adventures and whimsy and intention. A childhood we prayed they would have despite this fast-paced, screen-driven world of ours.

    Years ago, we had just built our dream home in our town’s historic downtown district. It was exactly what I had dreamt of – the boys and I could walk downtown to shops and restaurants. Our friends were all close by. Then, this farmhouse came along. We couldn’t deny God’s call to move it and restore it. So, we did the small thing before us. We restored the house, never intending to move into it.

    In fact, we worked on the restoration under the assumption we would rent the home out or use it for retreats or even as a weekend escape for our family. We couldn’t see past the horizon just before us – we had no way of knowing this home wasn’t simply handed over in a business exchange. It was a gift. A gift from a good Father who called us to a life of simplicity, to a new rhythm.

    This house would eventually become a home representing the most unexpected life I could have ever imagined. Never would I have dreamt up a life in a small town, living in an historic, quirky farmhouse surrounded by nothing but trees and ponds and cows (and sheep). I would have never believed that a season of drought and frustration and pain would have paved the way to a season of abundance and rest and healing. This old house isn’t just a structure with four walls. It is the evidence, the physical, tangible proof, that when we open our hands and say yes to small beginnings, we are free to accept the most surprising and generous blessings.

    F.O.U.R.

    I’ve unintentionally neglected this space. Life has been so hectic lately and I just haven’t had a spare moment (or an ounce of spare brain space) to sit and type any words. BUT, I had to jump on here because today we celebrate our Charlotte-girl turning FOUR.

    Four years old.

    Time really does make me crazy sometimes, it feels like I’m currently just clinging on for the ride with days and months and years flying past at warp speed. I honestly cannot believe we have made four trips around the sun since that life-changing day when we welcomed our teeny little girl into the world.

    I find myself wanting to bottle up these days right here, right now. I already know they are fleeting… I already know she will continue to grow and become even more independent and she will not always run into my arms at the end of the day and she will not always ask to snuggle when she is tired and she will not always come to my bed in the middle of the night after a bad dream and she won’t always think her daddy and I are her safest place from the world.

    I know it’s inevitable. She will go out into the world and make her own way. That’s the privilege of motherhood, after all. I have the great responsibility of preparing her heart and mind for this great, big world. And, then, when these few, precious little years under my roof have passed, I get to let her go and find the path God has prepared just for her.

    It sounds so simple and clear-cut.

    Yet, gracious. Motherhood is hard and messy and beautiful and full and overwhelming and shaky and guilt-laden and made-up-as-I-go and full of pleading prayers and sleepless nights and nostalgia and tears and oh-so-much joy.

    I can’t possibly think of a greater and more humbling calling on my life than to be a momma to my little loves. And, today, we celebrate my youngest love-bug all day long. She deserves extra donuts and a unicorn cake and presents and hugs and dance parties in the kitchen and “bacon” for dinner (her only request :)).

    When I think of Charlotte, I think of sunshine and butterflies and the brightest spring flowers. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. She loves big and cares deeply for her people and her animals. She is one of the brightest lights God placed on this earth and I can scarcely believe He picked me to be her momma. What an absolute honor that is.

    Happiest of birthdays, Char-baby. You are loved beyond measure! Today, we celebrate four whole years of JOY!! 

    When things change but really stay the same.

    It’s funny how much has changed since I wrote these words a year ago. Yet, in many ways, so very much is the same. At the time, life was hectic from an unexpected new role as a temporary homeschooling momma. Today, life is hectic due to an unexpected new role filming an HGTV television show (I mean, I still laugh when I type those words. Life is wild).

    Last year, I was lamenting the lack of white space in my days. This year, I’m lamenting the lack of white space in my days. Last year, I yearned for the lost art of lingering. This year, I yearn for the same.

    These exact words from last year ring entirely true today: “the balls I am attempting to precariously balance in the air are dropping left and right. Rapidly. I am behind on returning phone calls, paying bills, responding to emails…

    I’ve had a cathartic ugly cry and am accepting my limitations.

    I don’t like feeling inept.

    Yet, I’m leaning into the crazy idea Jesus presented that in my weakness, His strength is magnified. I am trusting that, somehow, He will use my inability, my unpreparedness, my lack for His glory.”

    Our schedule at the moment is honestly just crazy. Dave and I are both trying so hard to manage this craziness while maintaining intentionality with our kiddos. Any sliver of white space is set aside for much needed cuddles or movie nights or afternoon adventures.

    I’m continuing to focus on my intention for my babies. The childhood I want for them continues to be within reach, it has to be fought for, with time carved out for.

    Because, for me, the answer to this question remains most assuredly of the utmost importance…

    If I imagine my grown children in twenty years, sitting around a table with their friends, how do I want them to describe their childhood?

    I know I want them to have warm, fond memories of long days outside. I want them to remember dirt under their fingernails and laughter on their lips. I want them to remember the sensation of sunshine on their faces. I want them to remember the affection and responsibility they gleaned from caring for animals. I want them to remember a home with vases full of handpicked wildflowers on every surface and refrigerator doors covered in homemade Picasso’s. I want them to remember a childhood framed with sweet, content moments of lingering.

    6 trips around the sun.

    As we celebrated our Sylvie-girl turning 6 last week, it was not lost on me that this was the year we celebrated twice as many birthdays together as we had spent apart. The other day, I reread my letter to Sylvie on her 4th birthday and the injustice of those years apart once again came bubbling to the surface. Now that we are in routines and the normalcy of life, I had almost forgotten the persistent heartache and grief of those years an ocean separated me from my daughter.  Yet, every once in a while, on big days like birthdays, I’m reminded of the miracles that unfolded and of the mountains climbed and of the obstacles averted in order to bring her into our family.

    Looking back, I can clearly see the healing and the progress that has occurred in all of our hearts. We have forged our way together. Learning what family means and how to believe we are here for the long haul has been a journey for our girl. A journey full of resistance and fear and tentative hope. Her smile continues to brighten and deepen and shine. More and more each year. What an honor it has been to walk this broken, hard, beautiful path holding her little hand. I am ridiculously unqualified and endlessly grateful to be her momma.

    I’ve learned a lot about love from this precious daughter of mine. I’ve learned that love is selfless and vulnerable. It is intentional. Love is seeing the mess and the brokenness and stepping into the story instead of turning away. Love is getting up every day and doing the next thing. Love gives more than it receives. Love can be fireworks and wonder and awe but often, most often, it is quiet, gentle, and unremarkable. Love pursues. Love forgives. Love extends grace. Love can’t take away the pain of the past, yet, love can prove it’s steadfastness over and over and over again. Love never fails, it never gives up, it never leaves. It always perseveres.

    S.I.X. (six! how can it be?) deserves pizza and close friends and siblings and swimming. And, cake. Always cake. And, most assuredly, a laughter-filled, unabashedly joyful celebration of our brave, big-hearted, Sylvie-girl.

    2017. A look back.

    2017 was a full year for our little crew. As we prepare to usher in 2018, I can’t help but look back over the year in awe. When I think about the moments that defined our path, a few come to mind…

    South Africa

    Our time in South Africa changed our family. We all fell hard for the captivating country and God worked healing and restoration in our hearts during the time away. At the start of our trip, God gave me two very clear visions. We had been walking in a hard season for the past several years, and the weariness had really begun to weigh on us.  God is so gracious to call us away from our comfort zone, from our ordinary routines and draw us closer to Himself in order to reveal His heart. He did so for our family there. It was a holy time of rest and connection and renewal.

    Zimbabwe

    I wasn’t sure what God had for me in Zimbabwe. I simply knew He had asked me to go and I went. Obedience brings blessing and life.  God was so very near during my time there, freedom and peace were the overarching themes for that trip. A new path was forged for our family there and we now can see why I needed to go.

    The Berry Farm

    Now we know, Zimbabwe and the Gatehouse Project are tethered to our family’s work at the farm. We launched our first harvest season, benefitting the boys in Zim. We renovated our barn at the farm and hosted friends to hear the stories of the good work being done around the world. We open the doors of our little barn on Sunday mornings for a humble and holy gathering. God told me the farm would be so much more than just a farm. And, it truly is.

    Barn Church

    The humble gathering on Sunday mornings was born out of a year of study and prayer. God drew us, along with a few close friends, on a journey of learning more about His heart and deconstructing everything we have learned about religion. Everything about this journey has been unexpected and beautiful. We are a ragamuffin little crew, admittedly broken and messy, with a longing to know Jesus and to live our lives in a way that reflects His deep love and unreserved grace. It’s been a privilege to open our barn doors and welcome in old and new friends to worship and study together on Sunday mornings.

    Our Summer Road Trip

    After one of the most intense months of the year, our little crew needed to hop in the car and get away for an adventure. We drove many, many miles, laughed with old friends, visited family, made memories and rested. It was the sweetest few weeks. And, so, so good for our hearts.

    A New School

    This was a milestone year for our littles. The boys started a brand new school (which has been the biggest answer to prayer – we couldn’t be more grateful for the blessing of this school and their teachers), S started Kindergarten and C (my baby!! where does the time go?!) started PreK for the first time. We’ve had growing pains and tears, but, undoubtably this year of change and transition has been so very good for my little people. They are all thriving and my heart soars when I think of how far they’ve come these past few months.

    Almost Home

    The most unexpected and wild ride this year has most definitely been our work with HGTV. The show was a part of the entire year – we learned of the next step of a sizzle reel while in South Africa, filmed for a couple of days in February, in April we learned the news of a green light to film a pilot, filmed in June and the pilot premiered in November. It has been a crazy ride that we still haven’t quite wrapped our heads around.

    We’ve had some big changes and big moments define 2017 for our family. Yet, life is funny. The big moments aren’t the most important ones. The little, everyday, ordinary moments really are the ones I treasure the most. My heart is full of gratitude as I look back on the year. 2018 has big shoes to fill. <3

    the wild and mundane.

    I can’t help but laugh at the wild and mundane craziness of my life at the moment.

    I mean, y’all. In this last week, we hosted Willie and Korie Robertson at our house (Korie is on the board of Help One Now and they are an amazing couple- so humble and generous and down to earth!), along with 360 friends at the Berry Farm, hosted six of our favorite out of town houseguests, announced the HGTV pilot we are launching on November 7th, and still have all of the normal parts of life like laundry, and wiping noses and carving pumpkins taking place.

    My brain has been in overdrive preparing for the big Help One Now fundraising dinner we hosted at the farm on Thursday night. It sort of felt like planning a wedding. There were so many details and decor decisions and friends traveling in from afar…and then, the night came and went in a flash. I hugged so many necks and lost my voice from talking and my cheeks hurt from smiling so big. My heart is still FULL from the evening. The only way I can think to describe it is with one word: magical. The weather was perfect and the ambiance was perfect and we all gathered to learn more about loving our neighbors around the globe really, really well. I loved, loved, loved having so many friends and family in one place hearing about the good work being done by our dear friends at Help One Now. I just can’t stop smiling. We have an incredible community here in our little corner of the world – a community of people who are passionate about justice and are full of compassion and who realize that this life is not our own.

    I didn’t take a single photo all night. My friend, Brennon, was the official photographer of the night and I just left the photo-taking up to him and soaked up the time with my people. He’s traveling now but as soon as he shares photos from the evening, I promise to share some here.

    I took this the night before the event after we finished setting up the outside lights. More to come! 🙂

    In the midst of the planning, we were given the green light to announce this giant secret Dave and I have been keeping for over a year. We filmed the pilot episode of “Almost Home” this past June and couldn’t talk about it online until now. It’s pretty wild. I don’t even know where to begin with this chapter of our lives. We have been working on the development of this potential show with HGTV for so long and then we filmed and now we’ve waited for an air date … so it’s just been a part of our lives this whole time and felt sort of normal. But, now we were allowed to tell people about it and we realized that it is, in fact, not normal. Ha!

    We haven’t watched the episode yet – so we will be viewing it for the first time with everyone else on November 7th. My palms are sweating just thinking about it. (I’m going to be a nervous wreck that night).

    Everyone has asked for the backstory about how on earth this happened. We were approached by the network last April. They were in search of unique small towns and a couple doing the work of renovation and restoration of homes. Through friends of friends, they were led to Dave and I. We went through an extensive “interview” process and were SO torn throughout it all as to whether or not this was even something we wanted to do. We went into it very prayerfully and did have close friends praying with us. Here’s the thing – yes, this is fun and exciting – BUT, if it is not God’s will for our family, we didn’t want to do it. Our first priority is following God’s path for us, not a television show.

    This is tricky – I want to be careful not to make it sound like we aren’t grateful for this opportunity because, gracious, we are. We just didn’t want to get swept up in the excitement of it all without stopping to pray and be intentional about seeking wisdom before we decided to proceed.

    Of course, God doesn’t comply with my requests for a detailed email explaining what we should do, SO, we resorted to just doing the next thing in front of us (my motto for all of life). We said yes to the conference call. We then said yes to the Skype interview. We then said yes to the crew flying in to film a “sizzle reel.” We then said yes to filming a pilot. We just keep on praying that God will guide us and He will close the door if it isn’t His will. We have ZERO expectations for all of this and have honestly been blown away by the kindness and encouragement and support of all of our friends (and strangers) when we made the announcement.

    I have to share a few behind the scenes sneak peaks with y’all. Every so often, I would sneak away and grab my phone and take a photo to send to my mom and sisters. It most definitely felt surreal and I wanted photo proof that this was actually happening and not some strange practical joke. We had the absolute most fun, amazing, hilarious, and kind production team here with us. They’ve become like family and we even stopped by to see them and hug necks during our whirlwind family road trip this summer because we missed them all!

    Dave Marrs in action. 🙂

     

    Driving and being filmed at the same time is AWKWARD. Just saying.

    Our “sizzle reel” crew.

    WE ARE WATCHING! Ha!!! (See? AWKWARD).

    These are the types of texts I would get from our producer throughout the day if we were in different places. Love her.

    We can’t say enough about the people in this photo. We absolutely adore each one.

    My girl, Rachelle. We think alike and complete each others sentences and working with her is a JOY.

    Lori, our show runner, looked at me and asked, “Jenny, if this were happening in real life and we weren’t here filming, what would you do? Would you get up on the roof with Dave?” My reply: “No, no I would not.” I stayed safely on the ground and took a photo instead. (Refer back to my parachute ripping 13,000 feet above the earth story for the history of my fear of heights.)

    Of course, our little helpers were at the house with us most of the time. 🙂 Here, they were finding “treasures” per the usual. We now have a new/old remote control, a bunch of wire, and masking tape. Awesome.

    Don’t forget to watch the pilot next Tuesday, November 7th at 11 eastern/10 central. Also, we’re told it’s best to watch live, rather than recording and watching later as far as metrics are concerned. Because so many have asked, I want to clarify that this is a pilot episode and depending on the performance of this episode, the network will make a decision as to whether we will move forward to a full season. We’d love for you all to watch and tell your friends to do the same! We hope you like it… I have no idea what made the cut and what fell to the editing room floor but I’m sure there will be plenty of laughs involved. 🙂

    Have an awesome week, friends!

     

    ** If you are looking to find the episode to schedule your DVR, it isn’t showing up just yet. The network is aware and the schedule will be updated by the end of this week! Thanks for being patient!

    *** Also, folks have asked about watching online. The episode will not be online on the HGTV site (because of deals with cable companies..) but if you have a service that lets you stream HGTV (like DirectTV) you can watch that way. OR, just tell your friend you are coming over to watch and bring some wine and chocolate with you:). Perfect excuse for a girl’s night after the kiddos have gone to bed!!

    3 weeks. 4,000 miles. One minivan. And, nostalgia.

    I’m feeling all sorts of nostalgic today. We’re back home, settled into our space and looking to the big week ahead – the start of a new school year.

    A first-time pre-schooler who is momma’s shadow and favorite snuggle bug.

    A first-time kindergartner who I already lost too time with in her earliest years.

    Two boys who will be starting a brand new school after spending the last few months partnering with a fledging and unprepared temporary homeschooling momma.

    Milestone moments like these always make me a bit weepy. I realize time is moving forward at a break-neck pace regardless of how desperately I try to slow our schedules or create white space in our days or relish slow mornings or encourage wild and free creativity without structure or rules. Time still zips along.

    Every so often, in moments like the ones we spent together on our little getaway, days move along slowly and I have time to pause, catch my breath, and look, really look, at my little loves. Time feels suspended in the best possible way. {I’m a very recent momma of two preschoolers, one toddler and one infant – I also am very aware of the fact that some days move slowly and trudge along in the exact opposite of the best possible way}. I realize how very much I enjoy these little people of mine. I love watching their personalities shape the way they see the world. I love hearing their thoughts and listening to their unique perspective on things. I love running through the rain together and laughing until we’re breathless. I love seeing their relationships with one another deepen as they interact and play and create a whole imaginative world only the four are privy to.

    They’re ready to face a new year. They’re brave and strong and kind.

    I’m a whole other story. I feel like I’m grasping at these last remnants of summer frantically, wishing I could bottle up this sweet stage we’re in. These four are no longer dependent on me for every little thing. They’re all sleeping through the night and wiping their own bottoms and able to get snacks on their own (and help their littlest sister too). They’re big enough to play board games at night and watch non-animated movies. We can listen to the audiobook of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe in the car, mesmerized by the tale together. We can plan dinners as a group and grocery shopping has evolved into a fun outing rather than a dreaded chore. We work together to return clean clothes to closets. We go outside and seek out adventures and stumble upon new places to explore.

    And, best yet, they’re not too big. They still want to sit on my lap for snuggles. They still need momma to drape blankets on just so at night. They still need my opinions and direction and advice. They still need bedtime stories and prayers and songs, laying together in the dark before drifting off to sleep. They still hold a unmistakable innocent outlook on this great big earth. They still shine with joy and goodness. They are quick to forgive when my temper is too short or my words are sharp. They bestow mercy and love and so, so much grace.

    We have a handful of days left in this lovely summer of 2017 and my little crew is set on making the most of each moment. See you next week with an overload of meet the teacher/first day photos:)!

    But first, one last ‘Charlotte and the Kitten’ series (if you’ve seen my instagram or FB feed…this was a theme for our time in Minnesota:)). This sweet kitty is likely very relieved we went home! 🙂

    Packing Tips {How I pack for 6 people for 3 weeks in ONE suitcase}.

    Good morning from Michigan!!

    A summer stop in Michigan has long been on my travel bucket list and we are finally here! We are all looking forward to a relaxing, slow-paced, water-and-sun-filled-but-not-scorching-hot week.

    When we planned this whirlwind road trip, we knew we would go to Florida to visit family (and for Dave to hop down to the keys for the opening of lobster season, something he looks forward to with intensity all year long :)), then we would finish up in Minnesota for a wedding. That was honestly the extent of our planning. Normally, I am a fairly organized, detailed planner for our trips but I found myself burnt out from homeschooling + blueberry farming + a huge design/renovation project + all.the.things as this trip approached. So, we hopped in the car, bought an old school Atlas (so we could visualize our routes -> highly recommend!) and headed on our merry way.

    Our first thought was to go up the eastern coast after leaving Florida with Niagara Falls as our main destination, then a quick stop-over in Michigan before finishing the trip in Minnesota. This itinerary would have meant something like 45+ hours of in-the-car time and zero down-time. No bueno for this crew.

    So, we switched it up and came straight to Michigan from Florida. Because I tried to book a place to stay just last week, I had a really hard time finding anything reasonably priced and in a good location. I searched and searched and finally scored a cute little cottage on a canal (not right on the lake but at least we have water in the backyard so the boys can fish) on VRBO.

    We drove into town last night right as the sun was beginning it’s slow descent. As we passed harbors full of sailboats, water glistening under the orange-hued sky, we fell hard for Michigan. I’m fairly certain we’re all going to like this slice of America.

    I snapped this photo of our dock last night right after we arrived. After 13 hours in the car, we all RAN to the backyard to check out the water and our view.

    ***

    I received several questions on Instagram after I posted a picture of my favorite packing cubes (along with the fact that I only packed one suitcase for six people for three weeks), so I thought I would do a quick post on my packing tips for road trips.

    Pack for a week.

    No matter how long we are gone (four weeks in South Africa, for example), I always pack for one week per person. We are traveling for three weeks on this trip and each kiddo has 5 shirts/shorts or dresses per person + 2 swimsuits. Charlotte is the only one who has specific PJ’s because she refuses to wear “day time” clothes to bed. Everyone else has comfy travel clothes that can also serve as PJ’s.

    Washing machines are a must. 

    We stop over in hotels for a night or two during long haul drives, however, the majority of the time, we stay in AirBNB or VRBO houses/condos at our destinations because hotel rooms become quickly cramped with six people and we need our space. I always make sure the house has access to a washing machine. (A dryer is a bonus when traveling internationally and never expected). This is critical and helps keep clothes packing to a minimum!

    Skip the extra shoes.

    For summer trips (including our South Africa trip), I pack one pair of slip-on shoes (flip flops and/or crocs/tevas for kids) and one pair of sneakers. That’s it. For this trip, I did include a dressier pair of shoes for Dave and I for the wedding we will attend. Shoes can take up a lot of extra space and I’ve learned that, 99% of the time, my entire family will only wear the easy slip-on, comfortable shoe option. Flip flops are great for in the car, easy to take off and put on for quick bathroom stops while driving.

    Packing Cubes are your friend.

    Each person has one large and one small packing cube. Large cubes contain all shorts, shirts, and dresses. Small cubes hold swimsuits, undies and socks. I have a fairly large suitcase that holds all of our cubes and I simply throw the cubes in, zip it up, and go. When we arrive at our destination, cubes either come out and go into dresser drawers (I keep clothes IN cubes during the trip to minimize repacking time – after laundry, clean clothes go back in appropriate cube), or they remain in the suitcase depending on the set up. In the current house we’re staying in, there is a large walk-in closet big enough for the suitcase to be open on the floor with cubes stacked inside. Super easy unpacking and re-packing! (I use these cubes).

    Pack a cooler.

    We pack a cooler for road trips full of water, grapes, cheese sticks, pj&j’s and other essentials for the drive. The cooler does double duty when we go to the beach for the day – we can pack waters and snacks for the beach.

    Travel Bags for littles.

    I have tried everything for packing car-entertainment-essentials for the littles. Cubbies, plastic totes, backpacks… you name it. This time, I snagged little pull-top bags from the Target dollar aisle and they’ve worked perfectly! I fill them with coloring books, crayons or markers depending on the child:), non-stick non-drying molding clay, books, tablets, stuffed animals, and notebooks. My big kids have had so much fun keeping a journal of where we’ve been in their notebooks. Each time we drive through a new state, they get out their notebook and write down the state name. I also encourage them to write additional notes and/or draw pictures of what they see. But, let’s be honest, that typically doesn’t happen. They love making the list of states though so I’ll call it a win. 🙂

    Happy road-tripping, friends! We’re off to soak up these last precious weeks of summer!!

    summer road tripping!

    Because our summer officially started in July, we decided to hit the road and get on with summer vacationing already! After a mere 18 hours in the car (insert emoji for I’m-going-to-lose-my-mind), our trip began here in my hometown of Orlando, Florida. The week has been full of visiting family and friends. It’s always fun, yet crazy busy, when we’re back in town. Anyone who has moved from their hometown (where family & friends still live), understands the challenge of packing in quality time with loved ones + downtime for the kiddos + doing fun things. It’s a bit hectic. And, there’s never enough time to see everyone and do everything.

    Because we are here in the summer, we aren’t visiting Disney or any of the theme parks. I realize now how much I took the parks for granted as a kid. We would go on field trips to Disney or Sea World and my sister and I spent countless afternoons park hopping throughout the year after school. We always had friends or family members who worked at the parks and we would get in for free. Now, I refuse to pay for the parks – they’re insanely expensive, HOT, and crowded! I’ve turned into an old grump. 🙂 My kids have never been to the Magic Kingdom and they’ve never asked to go, so I’m holding off as long as possible.

    Last weekend, we did stay at a hotel in the Disney area with my parents, siblings and niece and nephew. The hotel had a lazy river and water slides which kept everyone entertained and worn out by the end of the day. We also celebrated my mom’s big birthday coming up in a couple of weeks which I was thankful to be here for. These are the big moments we often miss living far away. It was so nice to be here as a family to celebrate my momma and the best Nana of all time.

    My sister and I took the girls to a little Princess Tea Party and I had to share a few of the photos here because I cannot even handle the cuteness! My girls were mesmerized and on a major sugar high when we left. This tea consisted of cupcakes and cookies and macaroons and all things sugary and sweet. A little girl’s dream…

    Next up, we are heading to the shores of Lake Michigan. Being a Florida girl, I had never considered the beaches of Michigan for a summer vacation yet I’ve recently been enamored by photos of what looks to be a magical place and I cannot wait to visit and unwind by the water’s edge.

    Have a wonderful weekend, friends!

    summer days.

    July officially kicked off summer for our little tribe.

    I knew in advance June would be insanely busy — thank goodness Nana came to town to watch the littles while Dave and I put in long hours on a big building/design project and we launched The Berry Farm. I kept saying, “we just need to make it to July…” over and over. Once July rolled around, we were READY.

    July has been full with days at the pool, VBS (I shamelessly signed my people up for VBS all over town…), friends visiting from out of town, trying to stay cool in the 1 billion degree heat, swim team, camping… all the things. We have been simultaneously relaxed and exhausted. My little people are either playing and laughing or melting down and bickering. There seems to be no in-between. Is this the case for households everywhere during the summer months???! While the days fly by quickly and the beginning of school is approaching rapidly, the minutes seem to creep along some afternoons. Such is life with littles.

    Swim Team.

    The boys had a short swim team season, as we are heading out to visit our family in Florida later this week and they’ll have to miss the rest of the season. I would argue that swim team is the absolute best sport for little people! It’s only a few weeks long in the summer and the meets are so fun. We have loved it and look forward to Sylvie joining the boys next year.

    Camping. 

    Oh, camping. I am not a tent camper, you guys. I’m sorry, I know some people love to camp and pitch a tent and be in the wilderness. I am not one of those people. I like running water and flushing toilets. A lot. I realized how much so when we decided to camp out last weekend in our super-old-rickety-Craigslist-purchase-by-Dave-RV (you can guess how I felt when he drove that beauty home, stepped out, and quoted his favorite line from a movie, “That there’s an RV, Clark” Oh, Dave).

    A certain child who will remain nameless likes to push buttons, literally. She will push any and every actual tangible button that she is asked not to touch. Thus, she pushed the water pump button after Dave made a proclamation that no one – under any circumstances – touch it. It wasn’t working right for some reason and when this sweet-angel-child decided to push the button (because she was told not to, obviously), we didn’t realize it until the entirety of the water tank had emptied itself INSIDE the RV.

    Puddles and puddles of water filled the lovely carpeted floor.

    Ta-da! No more running water. Epitome of First World Problems, people.

    Even still, we had the most fun and relaxing – best of all, completely unplugged – weekend. We grilled out and roasted marshmallows and swam in the lake for two days. Friends came out to visit and swim and laugh with us at the water’s edge. Even without running water, it was pretty perfect.

    This shirt. This was the shirt we had made for Sylvie during our adoption process. Now, it fits Charlotte. What a visual reminder that God will truly do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

    Dave purchased this lake-front property years ago at a tax auction. Because it sold for pennies, we assumed it either didn’t have lake access or we couldn’t build on it. He just bought it because 1) he can’t help himself at an auction, and 2) he figured we could use it for camping. When we visited the lot for the first time, we were shocked. The lot is fairly flat, has lake access and is surrounded by state-protected land that can’t be built on. It is secluded and so beautiful.

    We decided to build a little cottage (think 1,200 square feet with every nook and cranny optimally maximized) on the land. Because we work on it in the bits and pieces of time our schedules allow and Dave is doing 99% of the building work himself, it’s taking approximately forever to finish. The exterior is mostly complete, so we used the deck for grilling and relaxing. It looks like a completed house from the outside. A mirage! The interior is far from finished. Someday, someday. We will have this place to stay and relax and invite others to do the same. Until then, we are out there making memories as often as we can anyhow!

    Happy Summer, friends!! May we all soak up the sunny days and free time to explore and let imaginations run wild this week!

    the raging storm.

    The storm raged under the cover of night. We awoke to hail battering the glass window panes, gusts of wind howling and the violent clapping of thunder. Dave leapt out of bed and turned on the porch light, surveying the storm. I reached for my phone on the nightstand and flipped through my tornado warning and weather apps – eyes peeled for tornado threats. The radar was clear of any turbulent activity, other than the raucous storm outside. No tornado watches or warnings. No sirens.

    We said a prayer for protection and drifted back to sleep under the illusion of safety.

    I was awoken again an hour or so later to the sound of a baby crying out. A baby lamb, mind you. Dora, our lab, had managed to open the garage door where Trixie was tucked away from the storm and let her inside the house. Trixie must have followed Dora upstairs once she came in. I found her at the top of the staircase, crying loudly. She was stuck, unable to descend the stairs. After moving her safely back to her improvised bed in the garage and checking the radar once more, I dozed off again.

    The storm continued to rage outside.

    We awoke to find dozens of huge trees ripped, twisted, and uprooted. The fence around the cow pasture, destroyed. Debris, wet leaves, pots, fallen limbs scattered everywhere we looked. Dazed, we walked the property as the steady patter of rain continued.

    The path of the storm was clear cut – a straight line of torn down trees and ripped apart branches. Although we received no warning, we are fairly certain a tornado hit our property. We praised our Father for His protective covering over our home, and most importantly, our four precious treasures inside.

    If the cyclone had moved a mere 25-30 feet to the left, it would have passed right over our home. We have no doubt that it would’ve ripped the roof off. The roof covering our babies, sleeping soundly in their beds on the second story.

    “What if.” I’ve grappled with this for nine hours now and my breath still catches when I go there. I can hardly praise God enough for the way He protected my loves. I have no doubt His hand was over our family last night.

    I’m reminded of the story of Elisha. Of the mountainside full of horses and chariots of fire, of angelic hosts surrounding and protecting the city.

    Early in the morning a servant of the Holy Man got up and went out. Surprise! Horses and chariots surrounding the city! The young man exclaimed, “Oh, master! What shall we do?”

    He said, “Don’t worry about it—there are more on our side than on their side.”

    Then Elisha prayed, “O God, open his eyes and let him see.”

    The eyes of the young man were opened and he saw. A wonder! The whole mountainside full of horses and chariots of fire surrounding Elisha!  {2 Kings 6:15-17, MSG}

    As the storm raged and winds shrieked outside in the wee morning hours, angelic hosts surrounded and protected our family.

    I am not light-heartedly sharing these words, I realize many reading are walking seasons of grief and hurting or are in the valley of waiting. Waiting for healing, waiting for a child, waiting for redemption.

    I know that bad things happen all the time. Scrolling my newsfeed, I am continually assaulted with the reality of evil as well as stories of horrific tragedies happening to good people. God’s own. I don’t understand why bad things happen or why we were tucked safely under the hedge of protection last night. I only know God is mysterious and only good.  And all I can offer in response, is my humble, wholehearted, ‘Thank you, Jesus.’