Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

Tour Through Blogland {Because of Love}

I have introduced you to some amazing gals in this series. I consider myself extremely lucky to count these Kingdom-building, stepping-out-in-faith, inspirational ladies as friends.

Today, as we wrap up this blog tour, I am honored to share the story of my dear friend, Cat. She is the real deal. You guys, she is this huge burst of light. Even when walking through the dark and the hard, her light did not waver. My faith has grown stronger because of her.  Her friendship is a gift. {And, random and completely unnecessary side note: she is so little — God packed all of this passion and spirit into a ridiculously adorable, petite person. Which, makes me feel like a gigantic mammoth when I’m standing next to her. Hopefully that helps paint the whole picture for you. You’re welcome}. Now, read her words and be blessed.

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My name is Cat Besk. I am a native Californian. I live on the central coast, and I think 80 degrees is too hot. We have very mild weather here, and we like it. Our winters, are not winters, our summers, are not summers. It’s just always nice here. I like to be comfortable. Not too hot, not too cold. We were so comfortable. We had our 2 cute little girls. We were living in a little beach house, and life was just sweet and easy. Then, in January 2010, a horrendous earthquake happened in Haiti. We Californians can relate to earthquakes, but this was on another level. There was mass destruction. I sat on my living room floor while the girls were napping and I watched a CNN report on the orphan crisis in Haiti. I knelt there and wept. The devastation. The injustice of it all. I was crying out to God, and asking why and what are we to do?! When Kenny got home from work I showed him the clip, and bawled my eyes out again. We sat on the floor together and prayed about how we should respond. We knew this was different. We were being called to not just feel bad about it, we were being called to ACTION.

We were being called to adopt. This was not part of our plan. We had literally never discussed this as being an option before. We just knew that we knew that God was telling us to break out of our comfortable, safe little plan. This was uncomfortable. Scary. Overwhelming. Completely new. We said yes, and took a baby step forward. There were orphans all over the world. Literally millions of them. Now that we had started the conversation, we couldn’t stop. The only way I knew to face the daily unknowns of this new journey was to pray myself through each day. We signed our first piece of paperwork with our adoption agency on May 22, 2010. It was a 9-12 month process, after turning in all of your paperwork. We figured that sounded great, our child will be home by Christmas 2011, Maizie will be 5, and Lucy will be 2 1/2…….sounds, perfect…..right?

Christmas 2010, 2011, 2012, came and went. There was a hole in our family. We ached and longed to see our child’s face. We clung to Jesus. God told us over and over to keep living life, and try our best to be present and thankful. We had so much more to learn. In the Spring of 2012, we attended Orphan Summit in Southern California. We went to learn more about orphan care, prevention, and for fellowship with fellow adoptive families. We got way more than we bargained for.

We attended a session about human trafficking. The weeks leading up to Orphan Summit, my husband had been praying, “Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours.” A woman, named Carol Hart, got up and shared about the organization she and her husband had founded, ZOE International in Thailand. She shared about children being bought and sold into sex slavery. I wanted to run from the room and cover my ears. Kenny started crying and wrote me a note that said, “This is what breaks God’s heart. This is why I am in law enforcement.” Our eyes had now been opened to another part of the orphan crisis. The children that are not being adopted, are at risk of being SOLD. Little girls being raped multiple times a day. All we had to do was put our daughters’ faces into the picture and that was it. We knew it was time for action. God was calling us out of comfort, and into obedience. We were in the middle of our adoption, so we knew we couldn’t move…yet. After visiting the children’s home in Thailand, we fell even more in love with the children, and our passion was fueled to fight child trafficking. No child should endure such horror and hardship. Find out more about the work ZOE is doing in Thailand at www.gozoe.org.

Joy came in the form of a phone call in August of 2013. A 2 year-old boy, that we now called son. Our referral call had finally come. You can read more about that incredible day HERE.  He was very sick, but had overcome so much and fought so hard. We were completely head over heels in love. We named him Cruz. It was a time of celebration and rejoicing. I was just giddy. A son! Our sweet boy went into the hospital with pneumonia and never came home. His body couldn’t recover this time. He went home to be with Jesus. Forget comfort. Comfort was a long time ago. We were heartbroken. Distraught. Confused. We went to Ethiopia to lay our son to rest and say goodbye before we ever even held him in our arms. You can read more from my husband’s perspective HERE.

We came home and we were changed. We were never going back to comfort. What was that all about? I don’t want to live with my eyes closed. I don’t want to live each day in the safety of routine. I want to dive in the deep end where God has called me. Though the waters are rough and sometimes they try and take me down, the Lord will not let me drown.

We received our second referral call in October of 2013, a 3 1/2 month old baby boy. Matthew, our “gift from God,” came home to us forever on May 2, 2014. He is full of life and personality. We don’t know what we would do without him. We just put up our Christmas tree, and all 5 of us put our hands on Cruz’s ornament and placed it on the tree together. Now, the time has come. It’s time for us to join the fight against child trafficking.

We are selling what we own, and moving to Thailand. In fact, I just sold our bed frame today, and I’m sitting on a mattress on our living room floor because our table, chairs and couch have been sold. In a few weeks we are moving in with my parents to save money until we move at the end of June. You can join the fight with us. You can fight child trafficking from anywhere. You can join our team and support the efforts of ZOE. ZOE needs monthly supporters, one-time donations, and lots of prayer. Here is the link to the missionary page.

Prayer requests: 
~ That we would cling to Jesus and study God’s Word each day.
~ Safety and health
~ For our transition, especially for our children
~ Complete healing for Lucy’s asthma
~ Great communication in our marriage, that God would just bond us closer each day.
~ Fundraising
~ That all we do would be for God’s glory

This is our story of how God called us out of comfort, into the deep waters, and we are never going back. I blog over at Because of Love. Sign up for our newsletter to watch me as I sweat my guts out in one of the most humid places on earth. hahahahaha!

What is God calling you to do? Are you ready to take the leap?

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Y’all tomorrow is #GivingTuesday. I know Cat’s family would be extremely grateful for your generosity if you choose to support her family as they take this huge leap of faith.

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WHAT IS #GIVINGTUESDAY?

We have a day for giving thanks. We have two for getting deals. Now, we have #GivingTuesday, a global day dedicated to giving back. On Tuesday, December 2, 2014, charities, families, businesses, community centers, and students around the world will come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give.
It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more. Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving. Join us and be a part of a global celebration of a new tradition of generosity.  from #GivingTuesday

*You can catch up on this series by reading the other posts:  HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.


happiest of thanksgivings.

It goes without saying that this Thanksgiving is one of abundance for our family. We are seeped in gratitude for the way we have been overwhelmingly blessed.

The journey from that first photo to the second was soaked in love and grace and God’s faithfulness. It was also very, very HARD. It was scary and uncertainty loomed. Yet, He was always right by our side. He was working on our behalf even when we couldn’t see it.

Above all, we were taught invaluable lessons about who God is.  Friends, He is so very good. He is Sovereign. He is Mighty. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know that our double portion of blessing is a testament to His goodness and unwavering love.

I {finally!} finished reading Shauna Niequist’s, Bread & Wine, last night and the words in the final chapter seem especially appropriate for this Thanksgiving day. As we prepare to sit around the table with the ones we love, may we listen to Shauna’s advice to come and sit. To be present. To love and live fully and wholly.

“I want you to stop running from thing to thing, and to sit down at the table, to offer the people you love something humble and nourishing, like soup and bread, like a story, like a hand holding another hand while you pray. We live in a world that values us for how fast we go, for how much we accomplish, for how much life we can pack into one day. But I’m coming to believe it’s in the in-between spaces that our lives change, and that the real beauty lies there. 

…I want you to gobble life up in huge bites, tasting everything, trying every new flavor, remember every smell and texture like it’s the best thing you’ve ever had. I want you to live with wild and gorgeous abandon, throwing yourself into each day, telling the truth about who you are and who you are not, writing a love song to the world itself and to the God who made every inch of it.”

Happiest of Thanksgiving to all of you, sweet friends.

feed their tummies. {an update}

Life has been so full around here. I have all sorts of fun updates and photos to share … but first, I have to show you guys these photos. I received them from our team in Kinshasa early this morning and I just couldn’t stop smiling.

*In case you don’t follow our Feed Their Tummies updates, there have been some changes to our program lately. Check out THIS update to read all of the details…

To sum it up for you, we started feeding a new orphanage. The orphanage houses 26 girls who have been rescued from sex trafficking.

These girls had no hope. They were broken. They were alone.

Our partner organization, Mwangaza International, stepped in. Each girl is now living in this safe place, receiving an education, healthcare and counseling.

These girls are being taught who Jesus is.

There is healing.

They are learning their place in the Kingdom of God.

Truth is replacing lies. Light is pouring into the dark.

They are learning their true identity: treasured daughters of the King.

What an honor it is to walk alongside our Congolese friends in this important work. Feed Their Tummies has stepped in to relieve the burden of feeding the twenty-six girls. They had been eating once a day and now they will eat three warm meals every day.


Tummies are being fed. Hearts are being healed. Love wins.

*You can partner with us: HERE or local friends, HERE.

Tour Through Blogland {Lee, Me, and the Girls}.

Unexpected friendships are my absolute favorite things about the blogging community. McCall is one of the friends that I like to tell Dave “I met online” – because that sounds creepy and hilarious. I have been reading her blog for a couple of years and I don’t even know when she went from being “the girl who writes a blog I love” to “a real-life friend” but I’m grateful that she did. I’ll never forget standing in the driveway of our rented house at the beach when she called to tell me about this precious little girl whom she had fallen in love with. The waves crashed in the background as we talked through the fears and the unknowns of adoption in the DRC. At the time, McCall was fervently praying and asking for discernment but, in her heart, she knew. The little face looking back at her from the computer screen was her daughter. And, life would never be the same. 
I’m so excited to introduce you to my friend, McCall today. I just love her story and I know you will too. 
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Hi, I’m McCall! I’m a wife, mother, and former high school English teacher, I live in a tiny Mississippi town with my Chemistry-teaching husband and two daughters (Libby, 10, and Hollyn, 5).  We are currently waiting to bring our third daughter home from the DRC. 
Sometimes I try to be funny, but mostly I just love Jesus. 

Three years ago, we were ‘normal’. 
We lived a comfortable life with comfortable jobs in our comfortable town. 
And then, one day, I watched a Youtube video, and my life hasn’t been the same since. 
You see, I was living in a bubble. 
I had no clue about what was going on in Africa. 
It’s funny the ways God uses to draw us to Him and reveal His plans for us. 
But once my eyes were opened to this great need, to all of the children in God’s great big world with no families, I couldn’t UN-see it. 
And I had to do something. 

It wasn’t a hero-mentality situation.
I didn’t think I would single-handedly solve the orphan crisis.
But I also couldn’t stay home and do nothing. 
At least, not any more. 
So, I prayed. 
I researched. 
And I talked to my husband. 
Adoption and Africa were both on our radar. 
What we didn’t know then was that they’d never leave. 
I asked him if we could go– 
I NEEDED to be in Africa. 
I dreamed about it, thought about it constantly, and saw Africa everywhere. 
He agreed that if I could raise the money, we could go. 
So I did, 
and we did. 
We headed to Uganda to serve in a children’s prison that summer. 
(Yes, you read that correctly.)

We came home, and I knew instantly that it wasn’t enough. 
I had to do more for Africa. 
I had to be there.
God was up to something. 
So, I did the only *logical* thing I could do– 
I quit my job as a high school teacher and took an unpaid internship for a non-profit that helped provide clean water to the people of Malawi. 
And then, naturally, I went there too. 

And when I came back from Africa, 
the hubby and I agreed that it was time to adopt. 
We had the choice to either follow God’s call for our family or to say no. 
We said yes, and I’m so glad we did. 
We’re currently still waiting for our daughter to come home. 
And in the meantime, I’m still doing what I can to help spread God’s love in Africa, which led me to Rwanda this past summer, where I got to meet the women I’m helping to create jobs for while here in America. 

These people in this place– they are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 

And now, I’m so very honored to have the opportunity to set foot on their ground, soak in their culture, and sleep under their stars. 

I have no doubt whatsoever that I will continue to travel to Africa as often as possible until one day, when I’m old and grey, my daughters will sit me down and lovingly tell me that I’m too old to go back to Africa even one more time. 
My heart has been broken. 
My life has been changed. 
People think I’ve lost my mind. 
I’ve never been happier or more fulfilled. 
Saying yes can be scary. 
Stepping out of the bubbles we live in can be sad.
Leaving our comfort zones can be overwhelming. 
Adoption is hard. 
But God is good.
We’ve seen our daughter’s face. 
In fact, we’ve been staring at her dimples and watching her grow up in pictures for over a year now. 
I never imagined adoption would take this long or be this difficult. 
But God is in control. 
His ways are better than my ways, even when His ways don’t always seem to make sense. 
And these day, I am nothing but thankful.  
No matter how hard it is to be different, no matter how much my heart aches for the daughter I haven’t met yet, no matter how much I long to be in Africa,
 it’s better than living blind to all of the needs in this world. 
And while I can’t do everything, 
I’m working hard to do my little something, 
even if my something comes by the way of very long plane rides to the land I love far, far away. 
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See? Don’t you just love her?

{And, I love how her story and Catherine’s intersect in Malawi and the DRC — I didn’t even plan that}.

Happy Monday, friends!

*You can read the other posts in this series HERE and HERE.

weekend smiles.

A few things that made me smile this weekend…
1}. The chill in the air on these cool, fall mornings. {And, the way the morning fog drapes the landscape out here on the farm}. 

2}. An afternoon spent with friends. {These little ones have celebrated Halloween together over the years…it makes me smile to see the way they have all grown together…and a little misty-eyed too}.

3}. These works of art. {And, the fact that my friend, Leslie, is always brave enough for craft projects at her house…}

4}. This concert series created to feed little tummies. {And, the fact that we have a standing date night with some of our favorite old and new friends once a month}. 

5}. This stay-cation. {Our floors were being finished and we had to evacuate due to the smell. What a fun night it turned out to be: jumping on beds, sneaking in our pup in my purse, swimming, riding the elevator, breakfast buffet. All things magical to these littles}.

6}. This little love. {Because she just makes me smile. All the time}. 

7}. This girl carrying her pumpkin to the party. {Because, you can take the girl out of Africa, but you can’t take Africa out of the girl…}

8}. This Halloween celebration with dear friends and old neighbors. {Because I adore yearly traditions and miss our neighborhood pals}. 

9}. This photo. {Because, these two. She loves her daddy to pieces}.

10}. My little artists. {Because they have always loved to create. And, I have always loved to watch it happen}. 

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, also! 
I’ll start back up with my Tour through Blogland next Monday. Sorry about starting that and then just abandoning it for two weeks…my gals had some unforeseen stuff come up. But, these are worth the wait. They’re going to be good!!

under the stars.

Dave had recently suggested to the boys that they set up a tent and camp together in the backyard. Without fail, every day since, the boys have asked if tonight was the big night. Each day, there was a reason that the answer was “not tonight, maybe tomorrow.“

Our days are full. By the end of the day, we have either been out late or dinnertime has quickly ushered into baths and bedtime. This past weekend was busier than anticipated. School nights were not an option.

Days passed. Yet, the boys kept on asking.

Yesterday, Dave decided to make it happen. Even if he had an early morning meeting and knew that sleep would be difficult on the cold, hard ground.

The evening was a bit chaotic, Charlotte and Sylvie were both sick and the normal evening tasks seemed to be taking longer than normal. It was cold and wet outside. Dave was exhausted from a long day at work. It would have been easy to scrap the idea and try again another night.

That wasn’t happening.

Dave knew that the boys would have patiently waited for another night. He knew that it would have been reasonable to hold off on this seemingly small thing. Yet, more importantly, he knew that the biggest risk of waiting would be that the boys may stop asking. They may stop looking to their hero to join them in making memories. They aren’t going to be four years old forever. Time passes in a blink. These moments are what this life is all about.

So, they pitched a tent. They lit a fire. They sang songs. And, they huddled together under mounds of blankets and slept under the stars.

Magical moments.

This morning, they woke up early and drank hot cocoa in the tent. They came inside laughing and ran into my room right away to tell me all about their fun night through smiles and eyes shining with joy.

I’m so thankful to be married to a man who loves his family so well.

our first harvest.

I’m typing this post on the sticky-surfaced back patio table. The honey remnants from last night’s dinner have yet to be scrubbed off. I kind of like the way it still holds the tangible remains of an evening gathered around the table with friends and family enjoying the fruits of our labor {well, to be fair, I didn’t actually labor… but I did enjoy the fruits…}. 
We celebrated our first ever honey harvest. There is just something about a harvest that makes you feel a new connection to this earth and the way God created every little thing to work together so beautifully. 

Our friend, Mark, led Dave through the art of bee keeping this year and he was here to initiate the harvest. Thank goodness for Mark. For two specific reasons: 1) we have no idea what we’re doing and 2) Dave had an “incident” with the bees while mowing earlier this year that caused him to want to keep his distance during the actual retrieval from the hive.

We watched how he smoked the hive to calm the bees from a safe distance. See Mark and his son at work waaaaaayyyyyy over there??? 🙂

After the honey was loaded up into the cooler, we all moved into the barn to extract the honey from the frames. This was SO. COOL. Really. Bees are pretty awesome.

After the top of the wax {I think it is wax? I didn’t ask Mark what it was exactly…}, the frames went into this spinning contraption to extract the rest of the honey so that we could pour the sweet nectar into our jars. 

Mark had quite the audience.

I don’t know how else to describe the smell and the taste of freshly harvested honey other than heavenly.

Our bounty. This was all from one hive. Next time, we’ll have five. And that makes me giddy.

This is the face of a baby who was just told she needs to wait seven more months before she can taste this stuff.  I imagine her saying, “WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOO!!!!”

Warm yeast rolls dipped in the fresh, sweet honey drippings = divine.

Clearly, I’m not an expert on bee-keeping. {I am, however, an expert on honey eating}. Which means, if you’re interested in keeping bees, unfortunately, I’m no help to you seeing as I just swept in at the tail end to reap the rewards of Dave and Mark’s hard work.

The Prairie Homesteader, however, can help. She published a great post on how to get started with Honeybees.

Have a happy Saturday friends! I’m enjoying this perfect fall day by sipping hot tea {with fresh honey, of course} outside while watching my boys split logs and chop firewood in preparation for winter. Also, reflecting on the fact that this is my life. It’s all so unexpected that I sometimes have to stop to catch my breath and soak it in. Full of gratitude today…

never once.

As I stood in church on Sunday, singing the words to Matt Redman’s Never Once, reminders of the pain and the heartache that we experienced over the past two years flashed in my mind. Memories I had partially forgotten in these three months of struggling to find our footing in this new normal of hectic schedules, doctor’s appointments, healing hearts, jealous siblings, boundary setting, bedtime chaos, and pure exhaustion.

The tears began to fall as I recounted the ways God was there every single step of the way. How HE was faithful in the battle.

Now that we stand on the mountaintop, we can clearly see just how far we have come. We can see how His hand was on our family even when we didn’t understand what was happening. We can see how He worked all of the pain, all of the tears and all of the uncertainty for good. Even though there were many, many scars and struggles along the way, our hearts can joyfully say that never once did we ever walk alone.

“Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us”

Tomorrow is the three month mark of Sylvie joining our family here at home and I can still hardly believe that we are all here together. As I watch her become more and more comfortable in this new place, as her vocabulary continues to expand {she is talking non-stop!}, as I watch sibling bonds grow deep and as laughter continues to replace tears, I am grateful.

The fact that we went to the pumpkin patch as a family this weekend as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world is beyond me. Every “normal” thing that we do is extraordinary these days. These four little people being here together makes it seemingly impossible to take moments like this for granted.

Just a glimpse of her sass…the hand on the hip. It’s just too much.

He picked this one himself and was very proud, rightfully so. 

A family photo with all of us smiling is impossible. 

This morning, I was reading through my journal and these verses caught my eye. They were the ones that spoke to my aching heart as we waited in those final weeks for word on if Sylvie would be issued her exit permit. We knew God was moving. We knew He was in control. Yet, anxiety and fear were high. These verses were my lifeline in those weeks.

“…for I will fight those who fight you, and I will save your children. … All the world will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior and Redeemer, the Mighty One of Israel.” {Isaiah 49: 25-26}

Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself. I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel. You will again be happy and dance with tambourines.” {Jeremiah 31:34}

I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing. {Jeremiah 31:13}

I am counting on the Lord;
Yes, I am counting on him
I have put my hope in His word. {Psalm 130:5}

Everyone will see this miracle and understand that it is the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, who did it. {Isaiah 41:20}

Be silent before the Lord, all humanity, for he is springing into action from his holy dwelling. {Zechariah 2:13}

Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on my hand. {Isaiah 49: 15-16}

I continue to pray these verses for all of my dear momma friends that are waiting for their babies to be under their roof. I’m praying as their arms ache to hold their little loves who wait half a world away. The battle is not over yet. It is unseen but it is very much real. Please continue to pray for justice for the precious children who wait for their families. Thank you, sweet friends.

IF: Local {a guest post}

“WE EXIST TO GATHER, EQUIP AND UNLEASH THE NEXT GENERATION OF WOMEN TO LIVE OUT THEIR PURPOSE.”

I had the privilege of attending an IF: Local gathering recently. The event was impactful, beautiful, and Spirit-filled. One of my sweet friends, Nina, was one of the co-organizers of this event. I know that this was something that she has been praying about for a long time now — because I have been praying with her, for her.  We hadn’t prayed specifically around IF:Gatherings, but God has used this ministry to empower Nina to live out her purpose.  

You see, she had been fervently praying for God to use her to do His work. To fuel her passion for connecting women in our community and for sharing Truth in a transparent way. She has such a beautiful servant heart and I am honored and so very thankful for her friendship. 

I’ve asked her to share how God’s hands were all over this work in today’s guest post {because, if you were here yesterday, you know that I just love stories like this}…

“I have been trying to put IF: Gathering Northwest Arkansas 2014 into words. In our corner of the world, on-line and all over, God is doing something so amazingly fun to be a part of and to watch. He is connecting the hearts of women. When Jennie Allen and her tribe of ladies announced their plans for this vague event/movement/space I immediately thought, “I have no idea what this is, but I’m IN!“. And just like Jennie describes…

God puts a stone in the water for you to step on and you do. And then you wait for him to give you another stone. You loose faith for a second. You ask him for more and there it is… another stone. And then another. And pretty soon you realize you are walking on water. 

The short version of the back-story goes something like this: God took me and showed me more and more of himself. So much that I began having a crazy passion-like desire (picture Jerry Maguire here) to BRING MY PEOPLE WITH ME into the PROMISED LAND. (See?… already yelling like J.M.).

I watched most of IF: Gathering live from Austin on my couch last February during another snowy weekend. I was in the middle of studying Restless by Jennie Allen (life changing. not being dramatic) and her passion for Jesus is contagious. I wanted to gather my tribe and tune-in to IF: Gathering together but I needed a co-host. Someone to say, “You aren’t crazy to host an IF: Local gathering. It will change people. Let’s do it!“

Fast forward 5 months and I get a message from a local pastor who has a friend named Amy at his church who wants to plan an IF: Gathering NWA. He Googled that very thing and my name came up. I went all crazy replying “YES, I’m IN” and I am pretty sure he thought I was nuts with all of the enthusiasm. And because I gave my number to a complete stranger (in my defense I Googled him right back to make sure he was real). 😉

As women do, I met 3 ladies from the City Church at the park for a play date. And so it began. My God-sent co-host, Amy Barclay came directly from Austin with a passion for community and Justice and most importantly, Jesus.

Jesus. The one who knows every hair on our heads put a calling in Jennie Allen’s heart to “Gather and Equip our generation of women to serve Christ.” God put the dream to bring IF: Local Gathering to Northwest Arkansas in my heart and in Amy’s.

Then, He poured out His provision. He provided a space with beautiful decorations and an awesome praise and worship team. He provided food and childcare.

Seventy ladies showed up over the weekend to hear from Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Rebekah Lyons, Jennie Allen and more via video and some cool local chicas as well. We laughed and cried and shared our stories as most women’s events do, but something else happened on September 12-13th, 2014.

And that is still what I am having trouble putting into words.

But…I will try.

A community of women coming together from all different denominations. And some with no church home. Gathering to confess our questions, our sins, our fears. 




Unlocking each other’s chains that immobilize us and replacing them with Truth. Chains of self-hatred, comparison, inadequacies. 


Empowering each other with God’s promises. That He is Enough. That His mercies never end. That His grace is sufficient. That He. Loves. You. And, once you jump into that Love you are never the same.

And once you are free, you want to go set others free. You want to grab all of your running partners and do life together. To seek His face with each other every day.

And THEN… you want to GO and BE the hands and feet of Christ to the hurting world watching you. Oh, that we don’t spend all of our days huddled up with other Christ-followers trying to solve all of our worldly problems while there are people ALL AROUND US who need us to look up!!! We will be brave together. We will do more for others.

Over the weekend we briefly introduced our tribe to organizations who are helping. Organizations who need us when we feel called. Help One Now. Cobble Stone Project Initiatives: Laundry Love, Cobblestone Farm. And so many others that are serving.

And then, we will get up tomorrow morning and do it all over again. I don’t want to paint an unrealistic picture of Heaven on earth. Nope, friends and sisters (can I call you sister yet?)… we are still HERE on this earth with each other. All fleshy and broken. And that is good news for two reasons:

1) it keeps me running back into the arms of Jesus and

2)  it reminds me that this is not our home. “

– Nina 

Visit www.ifgathering.com for more information. For the locals, connect on Facebook at IF: Gathering NWA and register for the February gathering HERE.

feeding tummies {an update}.

Feed Their Tummies has had a big week. We’ve had several opportunities to tell the story of how God is working through this little feeding program to bless kiddos across the globe and change hearts stateside. 
I have to say, there really is nothing better than watching God work. And, it is so clear that His hand is ALL over this program. Clearly, I am an unorganized mess lately with little time for anything outside of diaper changes and keeping all of these little kiddos in my own home fed every day. Thankfully, God has brought some amazing people alongside us to make this feeding program happen. And, He continues to give us a vision for what is possible through this work of feeding little tummies. 
Last weekend, we had a chance to drive over to Joplin, Missouri to take part in Mwangaza International‘s Victory 4 Congo event. Our partnership with Mwangaza was absolutely Divinely arranged. There is no other explanation. Tresor, the organization’s founder, has become not only a trusted advisor but a good friend, as well. The Mwangaza team in Kinshasa, led by Tresor’s sister, has led the efforts on the ground and continue to bless us by their dedication to this work and to the children of Congo.

This was a 24-hour event with worship music and prayer sessions happening continually. Because we had the kiddos in tow, we only attended a couple of the afternoon sessions and opted to skip the overnight hours.

Dave and I were asked to share the story of how Feed Their Tummies began and what our partnership with Mwangaza looks like. We did this on stage while trying to corral all of our littles {and, we had just come from a birthday party so they were all hopped up on birthday cake…}… it was entertaining and chaotic. One of Tresor’s friends told him that she liked us because we seemed “so real.” Hmmm… well, if nothing else, we can make everyone else feel comfortable because there is absolutely no pretense here of us having it all together.

It was a beautiful event honoring our daughter’s home country. A country and a people that we love and are honored to intercede for in prayer.

As if he hadn’t already had enough sugar at the birthday party, someone was enjoying the baked goods for sale…

To top off our weekend of Feed Their Tummies events, we had a chance on Sunday morning to accept an offering from the precious little ones at our church. The elementary kiddos have been taking up an offering each week in order to feed the tummies of their peers, here and abroad. Seriously amazing.

So, I haven’t really announced all of the fun behind-the-scenes stuff going on around here but I’ll let y’all in. Dave is working to turn our little piece of land that we call “the farm” into an actual farm. He will be growing blueberries and blackberries here on this property in order to benefit our feeding program in Congo and also to feed local kiddos in our foster system.

God has unfolded these plans slowly and with such clarity that we can’t not do this. We still don’t know all of the details of how this will look but we just keep taking one step forward in obedience and trust.

And, “Farmer Dave” was presented with a check from the “joy jug” offering that will go toward the purchase of about eighteen blueberry plants. I just love this so much. These kiddos have all offered to come out in the spring to help with the initial planting. Love in action, friends. Oh my heart. I could not love this more.

As if that’s not enough…

A new friend {whom we had never met before last week} decided he wanted to plan a series of concerts in our town that would take place at houses in order to have an intimate, casual atmosphere. Memberships to the monthly concert series would be sold and each month’s show would feature a new artist in a new location.

Because he wanted the proceeds to be donated, he asked if Feed Their Tummies would accept 100% of the profits. {And, we had never met him at this point!!}

You guys! I can’t make this stuff up. If you don’t believe that God loves the orphans of this world and really means it when He commands us to care for them, then, read this post again from the beginning. He just keeps opening door after door after door ….

So, someone handed me a microphone and I sort of went on and on and on about these kiddos in Congo. I don’t get out much and no one was interrupting me. I don’t know what they expected… it was sort of inevitable that I would not.stop.talking. {I told Dave to grab the microphone from me next time… ha!}.

Our family has been abundantly blessed by this program and the support of so many to make it happen. Kingdom-building work just makes my heart beat wildly. What an honor it is to participate in His work here on earth.

being intentional.

When we first moved to this old farmhouse in the middle of a bunch of trees {and not much else}, I felt pulled toward a more simplistic way of life. I clearly wasn’t going to turn into Laura Ingalls, but I did want to slow down and be more intentional with my time, my resources and my energy.

The natural tendency for my personality is to over-commit, over-schedule and over-exert. I have a hard time saying no. Yet, all of the striving and running left me feeling burnt out.

This move gave us a chance to step away and re-evaluate our priorities.

Even the fact that we were reducing our square footage energized me. I knew this meant a clean sweep of stuff. Because, we have way too much. In my pregnancy-nesting-get-rid-of-everything mode, I was able to donate, give away and sell a vast majority of unused items. Everything else ended up in the barn to be stored for months until this weekend when we cleared a ton of it out also. {A friend will be hosting a Garage Sale for Orphans and we couldn’t think of a better place to donate our things}.

We looked like the Clampett’s driving down the road… 

With all that said, lately, we have stopped being intentional. We have gotten caught up in schedules and commitments and just the busyness of life. The past couple of nights have been all-night-all-you-can-eat-buffets for Charlotte so I have felt drained during the day and unable to be “productive.” The guilt associated with a lack of productivity has caused me to step back and stop to think about what is most important.

I’ve been reading Tsh Oxenreider’s “Notes from a Blue Bike” and have been convicted to slow down. To be intentional. To love well. 


Because I want to hold myself accountable, I thought I’d write out a few ways to live and love intentionally {particularly in this season with littles and a newborn}…

1. Prioritize my to-do list and select the one most important thing to be done today. Allow myself the freedom and grace to not choose anything from the list some days. Instead, use that time to sit on the floor with my little loves to build puzzles, read books or build spaceships with legos.

2. Date nights: make them happen. Even if they consist of a bottle of wine and conversations on our front porch swing after the littles have gone to bed.

3. Call friends to come hang out for the afternoon. Even if the house is messy or the construction projects are never-ending and they need to step over a few boards and a pile of bricks to enter.




4. Travel. When Dave and I first moved to Arkansas, long before kiddos, we used to take turns planning little weekend’s away to explore our new state. Even if it just meant a long drive and a hike and picnic in the afternoon. We’d also regularly travel the country and the globe to explore new places together. I miss those adventures and I want to cultivate a love for travel in my children. Travel is in my DNA and Dave and I dream of the days when we will all hop on a plane together to explore a new city or a new country {that may have to wait a few years with this crew} but, for now, we can plan little outings for our Saturdays. We can explore new places by hopping in the car and going for a drive. There are so many cute little towns or awesome hiking trails within a short drive from our home. 

5. Say no {when it’s appropriate}. Be protective of our time together as a family. This time is not only rare, it is precious and deserves to be fought for. Even if this leaves me feeling guilty for not being able to commit to as many things as I would like to in this particular season.

6. Turn off the TV. Cartoons can quickly become a babysitter when I’m nursing or trying to get something accomplished {like this post or the dishes in the sink or dinner…}. A little TV watching is fine in our house and movie nights with freshly popped popcorn are one of our favorite traditions but I need to be better about helping the kids foster creativity instead of sitting in front of a TV screen.

This is happening while I type. Creativity in action. 

{I stole this next one from Tsh because this weather is perfect for being outside and we have the perfect little spot for a blanket overlooking the pond:}


6. “Do what you’d normally do with your kids—read books, sculpt play-doh, help with homework—but do it outside on a blanket.”

For more awesome ideas on how to live and love slowly and with intention, check out Tsh’s post, The beauty of living…slowly.

to be still.

As I sipped from my steaming mug of coffee and watched the sun rise over the mist-covered fields yesterday morning, I felt grateful. Grateful that instead of turning over and pulling the covers up high, I grudgingly forced myself to get out of bed early {too early, thank you coffee}. In return for the obedience of rising early, I received the rare gift of a few quiet moments to read my Bible and soak in the beauty before me. The neighbor’s cows quietly grazing, the sun’s rays shining through the trees, the mist slowly lifting over the still waters of our pond.

I was reminded of Jen Hatmaker’s words from the IF: Gathering Local I attended this weekend, “serving does not equal striving.” At times, we need to rest. We need to be still in Him. Even if we have to steal brief moments of solitude in between diaper changes and feedings and laundry and dishes stacked high.

I have to choose to rest at His feet. 


Particularly in this season, when I am completely worn out by the end of each day. In Jen’s words again, “you may be broken and poured out for the redemption of someone under your own roof. You don’t have to go far.” This is true for me in these days. Sylvie’s heart is healing. I am stepping into her pain and I am constantly asking for a change of my heart to reflect Him. And, you guys, it’s exhausting.

Which is why I am thankful for moments of rest. Moments to be still in order to be filled up again.

Reading Emily Freeman’s post: Why Rest Takes Courage was a balm to my soul.


The details of soul rest may look different for each of us, but probably includes some combination of silence, solitude, nature, your people, and the willingness to come into the presence of Christ and simply be ourselves.


I encourage you to read it and to choose rest, even in the midst of your busy days. We can’t all step away from the demands and needs vying for our attention. Yet, we can create margin in our lives that allows for rest and restoration, however briefly these moments may last. 
How do you carve out moments in your day for rest? I would love your ideas…

two months.

For two full months, all of my children have been under the same roof. The miracles that unfolded to make this possible are not lost on me for one second.
Getting a photo of all four together? Well, we may need another miracle to make that happen. 
{This is the kind of stuff we’re working with here, folks…}

Bahahahahahahahaha!!! I may frame these. They make me smile.

This girl:

These past two months have been so very full. You guys, she is so, so smart. I love watching her little mind work as she figures out a new toy or “reads” a book or plays on my phone {seriously – she is a tech whiz. I have to hide my phone during the day because she will snag it and send emails and take photos}.

Her language is expanding daily. She understands us perfectly and has started not only repeating words, but using them in the correct context. I am in awe at how quickly she is picking up english. We have really not had any issues communicating since she has been home. I can understand her french-lingala-english-toddler speak perfectly. 🙂

She has made so much progress…

She is no longer afraid of grass or trees or our dog. She now gets excited when she sees daddy and wants to be near him. She no longer needs me to be in her line of sight at all times. She no longer needs me to carry her whenever we are outside of our home, she happily walks along with her brothers or is content to hold my hand. She no longer shuts down when someone new comes into our home or talks to her when we are out and about.

It’s been amazing watching her full personality come out. She is hilarious and fun-loving and so very sweet.

These two:

They are adorable together. Sylvie is such a great helper with Charlotte. She loves to help care for her and is always is the first one to jump up if Charlotte starts to cry. She has several baby dolls that she will feed, burp, rock and sing to while I’m feeding Charlotte. There is typically a “baby” in the swing or rock-n-play whenever I go to lay Charlotte down. This sister-love isn’t one-sided either, Charlotte loves to watch Sylvie and she giggles at her sister all day long. Sylvie lights up when she makes Charlotte laugh. I love when she yells, “mommy! baby!” to get my attention in her french accent. It’s ridiculously cute.

Now, I know I haven’t posted much on this blog about what our transition has looked like. I realize that if you read this blog or follow my Instagram posts, you will get the impression that life is peachy and everyone is happy-go-lucky around here.

Here’s the thing: I am all about transparency. I would never, ever want anyone to jump into adoption expecting ONLY sweet airport homecoming photos and silly videos and lots of snuggles and laughter. Those things are wonderful — incredible, actually – but they aren’t the full picture.

The full picture is hard. Adoption, at it’s core, is about loss. Our girl has lost everything and everyone she has ever known and loved. She has never had a chance to trust. She has learned that everyone leaves. We are working hard to build a foundation of trust and love and safety. We want her to know that we are not going anywhere. We want her to know that she will have food and water and she doesn’t have to be scared that it will run out. We want her to know that she is loved.

Yet, I don’t want to share all of the details here because I want to protect my girl. She is dealing with a lot of hard, hard stuff and not everyone {well anyone, really} needs to know all of the nitty gritty details.

Still, I struggle because I absolutely do not want to paint a false picture. I want y’all to know that we are seeking God’s grace and wisdom each day. We are learning more in this season about His redemptive love than ever before.

We have had an incredibly intimate glimpse into God’s deep love and abundant grace for us. I’ve been gently reminded that I too have run from His love. I too have tried to control my own life and resisted His leading {even when I know that His plans are for my good}. Yet, He has been there. Steadfast. Even when I turn away.

Undeserving, magnificent Grace.

*********************************************************************************
Now, just in case you would like a little peek into our crazy, here is a photographic proof of the ridiculousness that occurred last week when I just wanted my one family photo at the beach. Is that too much to ask? Why can’t everyone just get together and smile for Pete’s sake?!!? 
So, I gave up on photos actually on the beach. The sunsets brought out the tears from exhausted, water-logged kiddos. We gave it one last valiant effort on the patio of the condo. It was an epic failure. 
{I stand in awe of families that are able to manage beautifully poised, smiling family photos on the sand. Complete with matching outfits and mommas with hair brushed and make-up on. Amazing. I can’t even. We will clearly never be that family}.
This is classic – Nathan is throwing a liiittttlllleee fit {and, clearly, my mom doesn’t realize she is in the shot and we didn’t take the time to clean up the chairs behind us… details…details…}:

I’m giving him the “you better stand up and smile right now” face. Meanwhile, my nephew is trying to sneak out {nana trying to restrain him}:

I give up.

Yep. This is my life. I think I will frame this one:

Nathan’s face is classic. Bottom-lip pout:

Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV)
I hope y’all have an awesome week! We are slowly getting caught up on laundry and mail and bills and emails. It’s so great to be home and I’m REALLY looking forward to fall… I’m ready! This summer was an amazing whirlwind but I am craving chilly mornings, beautiful fall colors and pumpkin spiced lattes. 😉

at the edge of the sea once more.

We have all fallen hard for this place by the sea. This is our third year staying in this same home with it’s gorgeous views and steps down to the white sandy beach.

That first year here, we were in the thick of the seemingly never-ending wait for our referral…

{Before we talk about anything else, let’s just stop right now and discuss how teeny tiny my boys were… I had NO idea. I thought they were so big. They were just babies. Look at Ben’s curls. Oh my heart. Two years have passed in a BLINK}.

Last year, we arrived here anxious for Sylvie to come home. Hoping and praying that it would be soon.

“When we booked this vacation almost a year ago, we were certain that S would be home and this would be our first vacation together as a family of five. We were apprehensive about booking because we had no idea exactly when she would be home and if it would be too soon for a trip to the beach.


To be honest, it hasn’t been easy to be here now without her. I had so many images in my mind of what this week would look like. S and the boys playing together in the sand and surf for the first time as brothers and sister. Moments of bonding and trust forming. Joy and celebration.


Yet, I’m learning to embrace the story God has written for me and my family. Learning to rest in His timing and trust His sovereignty. Knowing that my plans are never something to boast about. Instead, trusting in His plans – which are far greater than I could ever imagine.”

During that week, we learned of the devastating news about the exit permit suspension.

“… I’m choosing to remember the verse He directed me to and affirmed moments later as Beth Moore read the exact verse from the stage where she spoke.

There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. 
{1 Peter 1:6}

I’m choosing to remember the One who called us to this path. He is faithful and good. S is His beloved daughter. We will continue to wait for her to be in our arms. We will continue to pray and hope.”

And, just to keep things interesting, the day before we left for this vacation last year, I found out I was pregnant.  I was shocked…these plans were not my own … they were far greater and higher than anything I could have hoped for.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Needless to say, this year, as we pulled into this familiar driveway as a family of SIX, I could not feel more blessed. Answered prayers abound in this place. The dark night has given way to the joy of the morning.


There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. 
{1 Peter 1:6}

Wonderful, wonderous joy.

the gospel of grace.

The words shared on IF:Equip yesterday were a balm to my restless soul.  In this season of nurturing little hearts and pouring into the basic needs of little ones, I am feeling weary and small.

My days are full of diaper changes, endless loads of laundry and piles of dishes, wiping noses, redirecting behavior, anticipating meltdowns, feedings, wiping tears, singing silly songs, picking up toys, sweeping floors {and turning on the robot vacuum – best purchase ever}, kissing boo boos, and a bounty of bonding and attachment work.

I have so many friends out in the world changing it for the better. Making a difference. Pouring themselves out for the oppressed. Loving on the lost. Physically making changes in the lives of others. I feel like I’m not living the life I was called to. A sense of restlessness…I should be doing more. I need to go and do.

Oh, friends. What a lie from the enemy.

As I was lamenting another friend going on an incredible trip to do life-giving work in a faraway, desperate-for-the-gospel land, my compassionate and convicting husband reminded me that, here and now,  I am doing life-giving, life-breathing, holy work. As we were talking, I was feeding our littlest love. I was holding her in my arms, she was snuggled up against me peacefully enjoying the nourishment that my body was providing {really, that is just miraculous} when Dave reminded me that this work of raising and nurturing these little lives is my life’s highest calling. Time stood still in that moment. I marveled at the miracle in my arms. Tears filled my eyes. I saw the lies for what they were – the enemy desperately trying to belittle this holy work. My pride and arrogance attempting to take center stage … my desire to do something “big” for the Kingdom, something that I tried to convince myself was for His Glory, when in fact, was only a mask for my own selfish pride.

The gospel of grace.

“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ …” {Galatians 1:6}


As Jennie Allen and Natalie Grant discuss, we have to fight to live in the gospel of grace…

“There is nothing we did to earn this grace. It was done for us and on our behalf.

That is hard for people to receive. The mindset is, nothing comes for free. In our American culture, to succeed, you have to work for it. It takes humility to say ‘I’m not enough, but God is. That takes all of the glory out of my life and puts it all on the Lord.’ 

This is really easy to talk about but it’s very difficult to live out. It’s about what Jesus did for me. It’s about living in that grace and freedom.”

In my own life, this is a beautiful reminder that nothing I can do changes the fact that I am redeemed and I am free. I am free to live in His grace. I am free to enjoy these good gifts He has graciously given. I am free to let go of expectations and comparisons and guilt. I am free to rest in Him.

Soaking in His grace this morning and praying that you, dear friends, can do the same.

a first day.

Dear Ben & Nate,

Last night, I was feeling nostalgic and started looking through old photos and videos. I know you’re technically still little, but, oh my heart, you have grown so much lately. These past four years have been so full of laughter and joy … you first made me a momma and that privilege is one of the greatest joys of my life. I could not be more grateful for every memory we have created together.

As we have prepared over the past several weeks for today {your first day of 4-year-old Pre-K at your new “big boy school”}, we have all felt excitement and anticipation for this new chapter in your lives. Shopping for your school supplies {you are both SO excited to have a big boy spiderman backpack}, meeting your teacher and celebrating with dinner out with just momma & daddy {little sisters stayed home}, have all built up to this morning.

Organizing their backpacks and showing off supplies to Papa 🙂

Dinner out after meeting their new teacher

You will now be in school three times a week for a full day. I’ve been so nervous about this – yet another big transition for you. We have had so much change lately and I’ve been so worried about how you will handle another adjustment.

But, you were both so excited this morning. You didn’t want any help carrying your heavy backpacks…you put them on your back and marched right into your school building. Heads held high.   There were no tears or apprehension about this new place. You found your name and took a seat at your little desk next to new faces.

Nathan’s expression is cracking me up… don’t mess with this guy.

As I look back over “first days” of years past, I cannot help but marvel at the boys you have become. You are no longer my babies or even my toddlers…you have become so independent and your personalities continue to emerge.

I’ve prayed over this new year…over your new school, your new teacher and your new friends. I’ve asked God to shepherd your hearts through the new experiences and lessons you will learn in this new place. I’ve asked that He use this time of learning to prepare your minds and, most importantly, your hearts for what is to come on this road of life. I’ve asked for your hearts to be kind…for you to reach out to new friends and to make others feel loved. I’ve asked that you exude His light in this new place.

What an honor it is to be your momma, sweet boys. I am so very proud of you and am anxiously awaiting the news of how your day went!

With all my love,
Momma

the transition.

We are just rounding out the one month mark of finally having all of our littles under one roof. It still feels somewhat surreal.

Everyone wants to know how Sylvie is adjusting to this new life of hers. She is doing really well. Surprisingly well, actually. Based on behaviors we {and other traveling families} witnessed from her when we visited, we expected a much tougher transition for her little heart.

But, {there’s always a but, isn’t there?!} that doesn’t mean that things are easy or it’s smooth sailing around here. We are stumbling our way through trying to find our new normal.

Remember, we had recently moved far, far away from civilization {okay, it’s only fifteen minutes away from our old house but it feels like we are in the middle of nowhere most days}. Our little family was already shaky adjusting to life with a newborn before we threw in the extra dynamic of a toddler who is adjusting to everything being different and doesn’t have the ability to verbalize emotions or needs.

Days are long. Loooonnnnggg. There are sibling fights to referee, meltdown minefields to very carefully navigate, diapers to change {oh, the diapers… I want to crawl under the table and cry thinking about the diapers…}, medicines to dispense and littles to entertain {who, might I add, happen to have boundless energy}. The moment daddy pulls in the driveway in the evening, I yell, “daddy’s home!” and everyone runs outside. Those tires on the gravel are music to my ears most days.

Once bedtime rolls around, if one more person climbs on my lap or pulls on my arm or asks me to hold him/her, I am at the point of losing it. I just want to sit in silence. {I literally just told Dave not to touch me for at least another fifteen minutes}.

I realize that I sound like I’m complaining. I don’t want it to sound that way…I just want to be honest with where we are in this season. Because I know, this too shall pass. 

And you know what? The sweet moments of laughter and snuggles will continue to carry us through until we are on the other side of the transition. Because, y’all. Those sweet moments? They are so very sweet. They literally pull me back up and help me to carry on.

Like today…

When a game of peek-a-boo turned into full-on belly laughter from us all.

When Nathan asked for three snacks to be sure Sylvie was included {this is progress, people}.

When the boys were napping {mercy upon mercy} and the girls were giggly and loving and posing for photos.

When the afternoon latte was hand-delivered by a real-live adult friend {oh, how I’ve missed you friends!}….accompanied by blessed adult conversation while the littles played all around us.

Or the quiet moments on the front porch swing with my man after the mad-dash of bedtime. Laughing about how crazy this life is and how ridiculously blessed we are by it all.

So, yes. This transition is not quite what I thought it would be. It’s busy. It’s exhausting. It’s overwhelming at times. But the abundance of joy outweighs it all. {And, the secret stash of ice cream and chocolate cookies helps}.

miracles still happen.

Yesterday, as I rocked Charlotte on the dock and watched my other three littles splashing and giggling in the lake with daddy, I couldn’t help but thank God for the beautiful way He authors redemption stories.

I know there are {many} critics of international adoption. I understand the reasons. I firmly believe in restoring first families. I grasp the reality that adoption is not the sole response to orphan care. Adoption is not the ideal situation for children. It is borne out of loss. I mourn all that my sweet girl has lost in her short life. I know the questions will come from her confused little heart someday…the longing for answers – answers that I do not have to give. 
Yet, to those critics, I would argue that I know these moments of laughter and joy are gifts from a loving Father who has held Sylvie in the palm of His hand from her first breath on this globe. She, like every precious child on this earth, deserves the love of a family. 
Her doctors continually use the word “miracle” to describe our girl. We look at the conditions where she lived for the first year and a half of her life and we whisper “miracle.” We marvel at the path God orchestrated for her to come home when it seemed impossible and we praise Him for yet another miracle.
I have had a front row seat to modern-day miracles. 
I have also sat in the tumultuous storm and felt the waves pounding. 
The path was not easy. The journey was not comfortable. Our lives were turned upside down. Our perspectives were changed, our hearts were transformed, our comfort was removed. We stepped out in faith and were given the awesome privilege of an adventure that exceeded our wildest imaginations. 
The transition isn’t perfect. I won’t pretend we are sitting around singing songs and giggling and hugging all day long. But, the beauty is rising above the ashes. The joy of the morning is breaking through in glorious light on the horizon. 

she stood in the gap.

Last weekend, Dr. Laure stood before our church congregation and shared her beautiful testimony. She shared how her youngest son was born just five days after her beloved husband passed away from cancer nearly two years ago. She shared how difficult it was to nurse this precious child…to look at him and ache deeply knowing that he would never know the love of a father.

She shared how God spoke to her in the midst of her grief. She shared how He lovingly reminded her that there were many, many children just outside her door that would never know the love of a parent. She shared how He pressed upon her heart to go and be love to these children.

She transparently shared how she was frustrated with God. How could He ask this of her? She had just lost the love of her life and she was left to raise six children alone. And, He was now asking her to go out and love even more children.

He gave her a verse to cling to —

“I command you — be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” {Joshua 1: 9}

And, she obeyed.

She has poured out her life in love to hundreds of orphaned children in her home country of DR Congo. She has visited them in illness and cared for them when they are hurting. She has fed them. She has held them and prayed fervently for them. She has taken them into her home.

She has modeled Christ’s selfless love for them.

It hasn’t been easy and she isn’t perfect. Yet, through every hardship, she has leaned into our mighty and faithful God. She has taught me what it means to trust and find joy in all circumstances.

I have watched Christ work through her to heal the heart of our little girl. She took her into her home last June and loved her as her own. Sylvie’s brokenness ran deep from suffering extreme loss in her short life. Yet, slowly, I witnessed God’s healing hand at work in her life.

How could I ever thank my friend for this selfless love? How could I ever thank her for standing in the gap for my momma arms aching to hold my daughter? How could I ever thank her for giving her love and affection and teaching our daughter laughter and joy?

How could I ever begin to thank her for boarding a plane for the very first time, with two days notice, headed to the United States to carry our daughter home? How could I ever thank her for preparing Sylvie’s heart for our family? I don’t think it is possible. Words fail to properly express the gratitude we have for this incredible sister in Christ. We know we would not have our Sylvie here today without Laure’s response to step out and serve in love.

My prayer is that I will not remain unchanged from witnessing this selfless love. I pray that I too will be a vessel for Christ’s love to pour out and for His light to shine in the darkness.


Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” 
{Isaiah 6:8}

a beautiful gift.

One more homecoming post because I just can’t help myself. 🙂

Our ridiculously talented friend {who created this amazing video for us last year for Pure Charity}, offered to film our airport homecoming. I could not be more grateful. What a beautiful capture of an incredible day!!

{Random tip: I advise against having a microphone on when you are nervous/anxious/excited. You may forget all about it and say “holy cow” entirely too many times. I’m just saying, it’s a possibility}.

Click HERE for the video. And be prepared to cry, or maybe that’s just me…

Thank you, Zach, for this incredible gift!!!

week one.

The moment he saw his long-awaited little sister for the first time.

Wow. What a week! My head is still spinning from being blown away by God’s faithfulness to our family.

The fact that Dr. Laure was able to bring our daughter home and help with the first few days of transition is just a blessing beyond what any words could describe. She helped Sylvie feel safe and know that this is her new home. She left yesterday morning and I was prepared for a major meltdown but it didn’t happen.

In fact, yesterday was a sweet, sweet day. I know we were being covered in prayer and I absolutely felt them. We experienced so many moments that were just beautiful and holy. Dancing together in the kitchen when the song “beautiful things” came on… eating cake together to celebrate the birthdays we spent apart… snuggled up with both of her brothers and her sister and daddy and I in Nate’s bed for bedtime stories…

I have so much to share from this past week but I only have a few brief moments while Sylvie and Charlotte are both napping and the boys are down at the pond fishing with Nana. So, I will just say this: life is busy.

It’s busier than I ever remember it. Busier than it was with newborn twins.

Yet, slowly, moment by moment, we are starting to find a rhythm and have little glimpses each day that we will make it through this season and find our new normal. Sylvie is adjusting so much better than I had anticipated. The boys are doing so well with all of the changes. Ben is so, so sweet and patient with her. Nathan is having a harder time – he is craving more of my attention and affection. At the end of the day, I am completely worn out from pouring into these four little ones all day. I want them all to feel loved and safe and secure. Yet, I know that I can entrust them all to Jesus. He will protect and shepherd their hearts. I do not need to do this alone. He is right here beside me.

We are being loved on so well by our community. We are well fed and errands are being taken care of. The blessing of a meal prepared and delivered each evening is beyond words. I have no time to even think about food preparation so this seemingly simple act of cooking for our family is just an immense gift right now.

I have so many memories and photos to share from our first week together. Everything is a first and things are new and exciting {and sometimes new and scary} for Sylvie. It’s been such a joy watching this new world unfold before her eyes.

One of my close friends who has walked this long road with us step by step was there at the airport last week taking photos. I had to share a few. What an incredible night this was. Surrounded by the very people who have been on their knees beside us praying our girl home. God was in that airport and everyone there witnessed His glory and His victory.

The boys were so excited and nervous. Everyone told me Nate was fidgeting with his hands the whole time he waited for us…

Dave and I met Laure and Sylvie at the gate and the rest of our family waited at the top of the escalators for us… 

This was the moment they first spotted us!

Friends and loved ones welcoming her home!

The adoption community is such a beautifully, tight-knit, encouraging and loving community … friends that I’ve made during this journey have become some of my closest confidants. Only another adoptive momma can fully understand the heartaches and the joys. My dear friend, Suzanne, drove seven hours in a day to be here to welcome Sylvie home. I started bawling when I saw her. I still can’t believe she made the trip just to give me a hug on this long-awaited day. Incredible!
I have never noticed this sign hanging in the airport before.
“No matter where you’re from… You’re home now.”
Wow.  

Crazy family of SIX!!!!! 

She was so scared and overwhelmed after making the long journey home. 
It has been an absolute joy watching her personality emerge over this past week as she has started to feel comfortable and safe here. We are overwhelmed at the honor it is to have a front-row seat to God’s redemptive and healing power at work. 
Thank you all for the prayers, words of support and encouragement and love. We are grateful beyond words!!!!

She is HOME!!!!

Jumping on very quickly while she is napping (and she fell asleep in my arms holding my hand… Magical…) to say thank you. Thank you for the outpouring of love for this precious child. I am humbled and honored to be given the gift of being her momma. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on all of the texts, Facebook posts, phone calls and emails… (The virtual airport party on Facebook made me weep)! This has been the most incredible experience. Knowing that God is receiving every ounce of Glory for the miracle He performed to bring her home, is an answered prayer in itself.

I will share more soon …

In her own bed- finally!!
For now, this sweet video of our reunion. The births of my boys and Charlotte and this moment are the most emotional of my life. What a ride. I still can’t believe this is real. 
Click Here for the news story and video. 

He is FAITHFUL.

My hands are trembling as they hover above my computer’s keyboard. The words won’t come. There simply are no words to describe the emotions I’m feeling today. The fact that I am typing this post is an absolute miracle orchestrated by a Mighty, Faithful, Merciful, Powerful and so very GOOD God.

Our daughter, SYLVIE {I can finally type her name!!!}, is COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!

God has carried us through every single moment over the past 602 days since we said “yes” to our precious daughter. Every, single one. The mountain top moments, the dark steps through the valley, the tears of joy and the gripping tears of despair… He has been right there.

He has whispered His promises over me, He has carried me when I was too worn and weary to lift my eyes, He has covered me and protected me. He has provided for my every need: every single dime spent on our adoption has come from His hand, He has surrounded us with a faith community of prayer warriors who have battled beside us for our daughter, He physically removed our girl from a place of darkness into a home filled with His love and His light. He moved me to get on a plane last August and visit our sweet one even when we thought the trip seemed untimely… now, looking back, I can see His hand and His beautiful timing.

I have clung to a truth on this journey: my God never authors pain. I believe this with every fiber of my being. It is the nature of who He is. For this reason, I will not ever say that the long journey was His perfect timing. I don’t believe He wanted her away from my aching arms and heart for 602 long days. I will never believe that, no matter what theology is used to argue this point.

What I do believe is this: He will turn everything {everything!} for our good and His glory. He will use a dark, hard, intense spiritual battle keeping our family separated over two continents and He will transform the tears of sorrow into tears of complete and utter joy. He will give grace in abundance, He will move hearts to give in order to care for His precious children, He will use this war that satan meant for destruction and turn it into a love song for His beloved. He will do it in a way that causes us to shout His praises. As my dear friend, Rory, said today: “We have SEEN victory with our own eyes! Let us never forget that.”

The fact that she is coming home is a miracle. An absolute miracle.

The fact that I wrote these words just four days before we heard the incredible news that my Sylvie-girl will be IN MY ARMS again, is a love song from my Abba Father.

The fact that we sang this song for the first time ever during worship on this past Sunday morning, is a reminder that He is in every detail.

The fact that He gave us this verse as His promise for this journey, makes me fall to my knees in awe.

Y’all, she isn’t just coming home at some point in the near future. She will be home TOMORROW. She is getting on a plane as I type these words. Her foster momma was given permission to fly her home. If that doesn’t shout God’s goodness, I don’t know what does. Her foster mom will stay with us for several days to help with the transition and immediate medical appointments. I am blown away by His ability to accomplish more than I ever thought possible.

The battle is not over yet. Hundreds of children and families still await this incredible day. I will continue to plead on their behalf and I ask that you continue to, as well. She is leaving behind many, many friends that need to be reunited with their mamas and daddies and brothers and sisters. I am praying that this is the beginning of the mountains crumbling into the sea!!!!

I cannot possibly express my deep, deep gratitude to every single prayer warrior reading these words. So many of you have prayed for our Sylvie alongside us. Your words of encouragement here on this blog, your cards in the mail, your texts, your emails, your flowers, your surprise dinners, your necklaces, your photos, your voicemails… you have carried us with each word and prayer and outpouring of love. I am forever grateful and would love to hug each and every one of you the next time our paths cross, whichever side of eternity that may be.

Oh, and, I promise to post a ridiculous amount of photos and videos. Don’t worry one second about that. 🙂

In the meantime, you can finally watch the video I made from our trip last summer… enjoy the overload of adorableness!!!!!

when hope feels lost…{He's right there}.

I woke up this morning and did the same thing I’ve done every day for as long as I can remember, I checked my email looking for word from the Embassy or from our daughter’s foster mom in Congo. I always check my phone to see if any important news has come through from the other side of the globe while I slept {to be fair, sleep is a relative term since Charlotte was up off and on most of the night}.

This isn’t healthy. Believe me, I know. I know I shouldn’t check my phone before I even say a thank you to my Creator for this new day.  But, the thing is, when your child is waiting for you on another continent, you cannot stop praying for news and hoping against hope for positive updates. Since email is the source of those updates, I check over and over again all day long.

This morning, there was once again no news. Instead, a question came across from another waiting mama friend- she asked for advice on how I was able to cope and stay sane during this wait.

That simple question did it. It broke me.

I suddenly realized I wasn’t staying sane. I wasn’t keeping it together… instead, what I was doing was letting go of hope. Over the past week or so, I’ve let go of believing that the latest news could actually mean our daughter will come home sometime soon.

You see, about three weeks ago, we received some really good news and I was so hopeful, so sure, that this was finally it that I started planning logistics for her homecoming. And, then, nothing. No news. No updates. Just waiting… in silence.

So, I started giving up. I stopped praying as often and as boldly. I stopped believing that God could do this and that this could really be the time.

I didn’t realize I had traveled down this road slowly inching my way toward despair until that question was asked this morning. I answered her honestly, I told her that I was starting to give up and let go of hope and that was the only way I could make it through the day. That was the only way I could walk into her room and not crumble. The only way I could manage to look at her clothes hanging in the closet or her bag packed or her photos on the wall without hitting something. Or wailing. Or weeping.

After letting all of this out, I realized I should go ahead and have a talk with Him. God knows my heart. He knows. So, I just stopped evading Him and finally admitted what I was doing. I asked forgiveness and asked Him to sustain me once again.

I then pulled out my prayer journal.

I read through the pages and cried out to Him. Why? Why, God? Why have you answered almost all of these requests {literally, it is astounding to see what He has done with the requests on those pages- not all answered in the way I thought they would be, but answered in a more incredible way than I had ever prayed for} but my daughter still waits???? Why are you ignoring this one? This is important, God. YOU asked us to walk this road. You brought her into our lives and our hearts. Why would You turn away now?

You can probably guess how my little rant ended. A gentle stirring in my heart.

Read the words again.  All of these prayers — miraculous healings, babies coming home, healthy babies born, provision, safety — answered. 


I stopped then and responded in gratitude. Praising Him for the bounty of goodness that I have witnessed.

Then, these verses were before me…

As for me, I look to the Lord for his help. I will wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me…For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord himself will be my light…the Lord will bring me out of darkness and into the light, and I will see his righteousness. {Micah 7: 7-9}
The Lord replied, “look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” {Habakkuk 1:5}
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. {Habakkuk 2:3}

And, then, as I opened my computer to type this post, my email contained a new post from a dear friend. Sarah wrote these words about how to keep walking forward when the road gets bumpy that ministered to my aching heart this morning.

The last words of her post could not have been more perfect. Tears fell as I read…

“Most of all, know that you are not alone. God is there to be your comfort and your Rock. He has set you on this road, however bumpy it may get. And He will not leave you. He will not leave your children.
He is FOR you. He is FOR adoption. He is FOR the orphan.”
I am so thankful for reminders that He is near. He hasn’t forgotten and He isn’t giving up on me. I will keep knocking and asking and hoping. I will hold onto Him.