Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

expecting miracles.

As I lay in bed last night, the full weight of my emotions pressed down on me. For the first time in my entire life, I won’t be spending Christmas at home in Florida with my family there. For several reasons, we decided to stay here this year and have a quiet Christmas as a family. Originally, this suited me just fine because I wasn’t really feeling the Christmas spirit anyhow. Simple and quiet sounded like just what my soul was craving.

Then, I started to think about all of the memories and traditions from past years. I’ll deeply miss Christmas Eve dinner at my Grandma’s house and candlelight service in the church I grew up in. I’ll miss wearing the silly-footie pajamas Lori and I have worn on Christmas Eve for about 20 years. I’ll miss the laughter and noise and excitement as the kiddos all race to open gifts in my parent’s living room. I’ll miss my mom’s ridiculously strange but delicious traditional Christmas morning breakfast of Cheese Gravy {it’s completely made up – no recipe to share, you’d laugh}. I’ll miss Christmas afternoons as the kiddos calm down and the gifts get put away and everyone sits down for the first time and drifts off for a little nap. I’ll miss Christmas dinner with the extended family. It’s loud and chaotic and wonderful.

Truthfully, what I’ll be missing most of all on Christmas day is the piece of my heart that is on the other side of this earth. Last night, I spent time on my knees, with my forehead pressed to the floor pleading with my Heavenly Father to fight for my girl. I truly believe that we are in the midst of spiritual warfare to get our S home. I repeated these things over and over, “You are ONLY good. You are faithful. You are Sovereign. Open the gates of Heaven to send your angel armies to surround our S.”

I was reminded again and again, through gentle whispers of my loving Father, “Be still and know that I am GOD.”

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” {Exodus 14:14}
You see, yesterday we received our updated approval from USCIS to bring our girl to the US. This is one tiny step in a long line of steps yet to be taken. It lifted me up for the moment and reminded me that we are making progress. 
Yet, I’m still waiting on word of the medical visit. I’m still waiting on word for my friend to travel to pick up her son and visit our girl. I’m still waiting on word on how S is doing. I’m still waiting. So many unknowns. Fear and doubt can seep in through these cracks of uncertainty so quickly that they quite literally crush me and take my breath away. 

This post from Jen Hatmaker has resonated so deeply with me lately. A few of my favorite excerpts:

“Faith has nothing to do with being stoic or “chipper” or falsely propped up. We have entered the suffering of the orphan, the mission of Jesus. It is hard and painful. It hurts and makes us cry. Suffering is like that. Spouting off Christian clichés or pretending to be strong isn’t helpful and it isn’t true. It cripples true community and confuses and isolates a watching world.

Adoption means we are willing to enter the devastation of fatherlessness and struggle mightily to free children from the bonds of orphanhood. It is OKAY to struggle and cry and grieve and mourn while we wait.”

“I don’t believe for a second that we are fighting against God who is withholding favor while we and our children wait. I’m totally with Paul on this one: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). To the degree that God loves something, we can expect our enemy to hate it in equal proportions. With a mission to steal, kill, and destroy, redeeming abandoned lives out of the rubble of injustice is surely at the top of his Hate List.

So go ahead: Cry. Grieve. Wail. Scream at the top of your lungs, “THIS IS NOT FAIR!!” Mourn for the birth mamas who can’t raise their own babies. Rage at a system that keeps the rich richer and the poor poorer. Rant against corrupt bureaucracy and power politics that perpetually victimize the most vulnerable ones under its authority. Grieve every single second you are kept apart from your babies, because let me tell you something: If that is wrong, I do not want to be right.

That’s why we are not mad at God; we are mad with God. We are not fighting against God; we are fighting alongside Him. We are not crying because God is failing us; we are crying out because 170 million children will go to bed tonight with no parents, and we can not stand this injustice one second longer. These are the tears of the heavens that have been shed since the beginning of time for the least and last, the forgotten and forsaken.”

And, this morning, as I read my Jesus Calling devotional, peace infused my soul…

“Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles — and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.”

Therefore, I’m resolved to live by faith and expect to see miracles along this path. And, I’m putting on the armor of God so I can stand firm alongside Him in this fight.

As Jen so elequontly said when concluding her post,

It.
Is.
ON.

“10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
{Ephesians 6: 10-18}

gifts created with love.

I wanted to share a couple of fun projects that have kept us busy around here lately.

Photo Memory Books 

I FINALLY finished my annual photo-book and will be giving it to Dave for Christmas instead of our anniversary like I normally would {I’m only 8 1/2 months late this year…but who’s counting?!}.

I love how this book turned out. It’s such a beautiful recap of our year…

the title is always the same…this is our 7th year of marriage… 

I also made a couple of extra books to serve as Christmas gifts for my parents and grandmother. They capture the memories from our recent trip to the beach.

I adore the boxes the books arrive in! SO cute. 

I use MyPublisher to print the books each year and I’ve always been impressed with the quality and ease of use of the design software.

I keep all of our books in this basket right in the entryway of our home. 
This is one of my favorites of our collection: Ben & Nathan’s 1st year. 


Stovetop Potpourri 

We traditionally make a big batch of Christmas candy each year to be delivered to friends & neighbors. This year, I decided that my “paper pregnancy weight gain” is off the charts {and I’m not carrying twins to blame the extra pounds on} so I changed things up.

Instead of homemade candy deliveries, we created homemade “Stovetop Potpourri” to share with our neighbors. This is such a fun gift because it really does make your home smell incredible. We keep ours in the kettle on the fireplace and just keep refilling it with water throughout the season. It smells like all things winter-y and Christmas-y. Pure goodness.

I’ve tried several recipes and I found my favorite one here.  It’s incredibly simple to make and creates a unique and heartfelt gift.

Holiday Stove Top Potpourri Mix
  • one whole orange or just the orange peel
  • 1/2 cup cranberries
  • 1 Tbsp. whole cloves
  • 3 sticks of cinnamon or a small handful of small pieces of cinnamon
  • a bit of grated nutmeg if desired
Quarter the orange.  Put all the ingredients into a saucepan.  Fill pan with water.  Place on the stove on the smallest burner, on the lowest setting.  Refill water as needed.

We packaged ours in reusable ball jars {they are truly one of my most favorite things}, tied instructions to the jar and hand-delivered to the neighbors this morning.

What are your favorite heart-felt gifts?

darkness.

i had scheduled a post for today to link up with Kelly’s “show us your life” series on Christmas decor. now, in the quake of suffering in that small Connecticut town, it feels outrageously inappropriate.

here i sit in my warm home, sipping my hot tea, my babies safely sleeping upstairs in their beds, glued to the news, numb, sobbing. Crying out for our Lord to be near the brokenhearted.

praying Lysa’s words…

“Sweet Jesus, we come to you broken hearted for the families and friends in Newtown, Connecticut. We have no words, only tears. So, we turn to Your Word… “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,” Matthew 5:4 NIV.

Oh God, comfort them. Hold them close. Restore hope. Lavish your most tender mercies upon every soul weeping in this midst of this deep sorrow.

We ask this in Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

and finding comfort in Max Lucado’s prayer…

“Dear Jesus,
It’s a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod’s jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won’t you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children”

{the whole story}

I’ve sat down to write this post many times over the past
week. I’ve opened my computer and placed on my hands on the keyboard and… I’ve
stopped. I have stared at the screen and found myself unable to write these
words. I can’t explain why that is.
Granted, my brain has been mush for the past couple of
weeks. I haven’t been able to concentrate or put a coherent thought together.
Last week, I wasn’t eating or sleeping and I was incredibly emotional as we
prayed about whether we should move forward with adopting S. This week, I wasn’t
sleeping {that whole “not eating “ thing didn’t last long and I made up for a
week without an appetite in one evening on Thanksgiving} because the boys have
been sick and their symptoms seemed to exacerbate in the middle of the night.
Although, I think the real reason I haven’t put words to our
experience is simply that I don’t have the words. I can’t conjure the right
words to describe all of the miraculous, mysterious, holy moments we shared
with our Abba Father last week as we sought His will for our family and for our
precious S.  I’m afraid this post
won’t give enough glory to how truly awesome our God is.
And yet, I have to write this post to document what God has
done and how we came to this place where we know our daughter’s face and ache
more than mere words could ever describe to hold her in our arms. We have
fallen in love with our girl through a couple of photographs and a longing to
know her. The only way to describe this is to liken it to the feelings of love
a pregnant mother has for her unborn child. She doesn’t know this child’s
personality or temperament or what he or she will feel like in her arms. Yet,
she knows that she loves this child with every fiber of her being. She
anticipates the child’s arrival into the world by preparing the nursery and
daydreaming about her baby. She frames ultrasound photos and prays for her
child’s health. This is where we are now. We have a framed photo of our girl
and it’s not an ultrasound. It’s a photograph of her perfect face and big, sad
eyes and it is framed and hung on our wall. We pray for her when we wake in the
morning and in whispers and pleas throughout the day. We pray for her at
mealtimes, fervently pleading that she is being fed. We pray for her as we
cuddle our boys at night, beseeching our God to ensure that she is being held
and comforted when she cries. We pray for her as we lay our heads on our
pillows at night, asking that she is safe as she sleeps.
So please grab a cup of coffee and sit back because I’m
fairly certain that this is going to be a {really} long post. Here is a little more
about our journey to S…
I am incredibly thankful that God placed waiting children on
our hearts through precious T, whom my sweet friend, T’s momma, is in Ethiopia
and meeting for the first time as I type these words! After that experience of
feeling our hearts stirred for waiting children, we prayed for God to show us
if our child was waiting and if we were on the right path with our agency. We
felt peaceful that we chose AGCI for a reason. {And, I now believe it is, in
part, for the incredible friendships I’ve gained from the other mommas with our
agency. We also received amazing preparation and education and very detailed
dossier preparation}.
Meanwhile, we also felt encouraged when our agency recently
announced an updated policy surrounding concurrent adoptions. If a family
pursued a waiting child, there was now an opportunity to continue to wait in
the Ethiopia program and not lose money or time invested up to that point.
And, last Monday, November 12th, I found myself
checking a waiting child website that I check sporadically.  I typically only log on to this site
after receiving an email about a child that matches our parameters, however, I
felt a leading to check the site on Monday morning even though I had not
received an email and had not checked the site in months. After logging in, I
typically land on a page that features waiting children matching our profile
{there are not many kiddos that do because of our tight age parameters}. For
some reason {of course, it was not coincidental}, I landed on the main page and
the very first photo was of our S. She was not listed on our profile page and I
don’t know why. She had been placed on this site about an hour before I logged
on and I immediately read her information and called Dave to tell him about
her. We agreed that we should inquire and get more information about her {we
didn’t know which country she was in, only that she was in Africa}.
After talking with her agency, I learned more about her
story and also that forty other families had inquired. We prayed and discussed
what we should do. We started researching her country and the agency. And, we
prayed some more.
On Tuesday, we called the agency again {after lunch and
sitting in my car talking over many, many questions with our facilitator) and
told them that we wanted to adopt S. We were the first qualifying family to say
“yes” to our girl and her file was put on hold until we submitted our referral
paperwork and payment.
Then, we “met” several families {this adoption community is
incredible and people go out of their way to help and assist and answer questions},
that had hard stories to share about the orphanage where S is living {our
agency facilitator also warned us about the orphanage and we have asked
{begged} for her to be moved but it is not an option}. We also learned that
adoptions from S’s country are very risky and we were advised again and again
to be cautious and to do our research before proceeding. I was on the phone
until midnight with a new friend in Oklahoma who shared her story with me and,
after hanging up from that phone call, I was heartbroken and confused and
scared to move forward. I didn’t know if God was answering my prayers for
clarity with this phone call of warning or if the fear was from Satan trying to
deter our path {and please don’t misunderstand, this call was not meant to
dissuade us from adopting S, it was simply a way for another family to share
their story with us to ensure we had all of the information and our eyes were
open to the risks before we moved forward}.
The next morning, Dave and I decided that we should not
proceed and we needed to stay on our current path with AGCI to adopt from
Ethiopia. We felt such unease about proceeding and thought this was what God
was asking us to do. My heart was broken. And, I published this post.  We planned to call S’s
agency that evening together because I simply could not call and say the words
that meant we were turning away. Dave agreed that he would come home early so
we could call together.
But, God had better plans.
Instead of coming home early, Dave called to tell me that he
would be late. He had to finish a house that was closing on Friday and there
was no way he could get away. Too many things had come up. He also told me that
he had attended a closing that afternoon that took up some of his day.
When Dave arrived home that evening, he walked in the door
and asked, “So, what are we going to do?”
My reaction was not pretty. I thought we had made a decision
and I was trying really hard to move on. I was trying to be at peace with that
decision and now Dave stood there and opened the door just enough for
me to see the light of hope shine through. Why would he ask me that?! He knew I
was ready to move forward IF he was. And, only
if we were on the same page.
That’s when he told me about the closing. He unexpectedly
received a call from one of his friends and partners about a closing that he
had completely forgotten about. They had sold some land and needed to sign the
final paperwork. Dave left that meeting with a check for just slightly more
than the amount we would need for S’s referral payment! And, let me be clear
that this was a rather significant amount of money. The referral payment was
something we had questioned and prayed about – where would we find referral money by Friday when we haven’t planned
for this? We both felt that this was God leading and we could not ignore
His provision.
And, so, we sought out prayers. We asked for clarity and
discernment. We could feel others
praying.
I spent several hours on Thursday on my knees in a gorgeous
glass chapel on the top of a hill near our home. I prayed and read scripture. I
was led to spend time in the book of Isaiah and I listened to the song “Whom
Shall I Fear” over and over. The God of
angel armies is always by my side has become my adoption mantra. I was
reminded again and again that God is GOOD. Fear and doubt and confusion are NOT
from Him. He is bigger than a corrupt government or orphanage director. He is
bigger than the risks. He is a God of miracles today just as much as in the Old
Testament. He still reigns on His throne.
Dave and I surrendered our lives to Him long ago. We
surrendered this adoption process at His feet. He has slowly, thoughtfully,
perfectly shown us His plan for our family over time. He knew that we had to
walk through the valley of the shadow of death before we could find His light
and understand His sovereignty in ALL things. If He would have told me ten
years ago that He would ask me to spend thousands of dollars and months and
months of time to attempt to bring a little girl home from a war-torn country
in the depths of poverty and corruption to become our daughter, I would have
been overwhelmed to say the least. Yet, today, here I am. Still a little
overwhelmed but wholly trusting and confident that He is GOOD.
I called Dave from that little chapel and told him that I
believe S is our daughter and we have to try to get her out of there. Even if
it’s scary and risky and dangerous. Even if we don’t have a guarantee that we
will get her home. We have to try. We can’t turn away.
And, he agreed.
I cried tears of relief and gratefulness.
Since we made that decision, we have both felt overwhelming
peace and confidence that this is God’s path for our family and that S is our
daughter. And, we continue to receive whispers and reminders from our loving
Father through messages from friends, sermons at church, and calls from loved
ones.

He also reminds us that He will provide every penny to bring
our girl home. We can trust Him. This was never our money anyway. Remember when
I announced our raffle winner on Saturday? I told y’all the great news that we
had raised $500 with this online raffle. After publishing that post, I received
an email from our home study agency stating that we now owed an additional $500
to update our home study for a country change. $500. I received that email on
Friday but my email wasn’t working and I didn’t see it until Saturday evening after I calculated the amount received
in donations!
We have also spoken with two families that will be traveling
in the next couple of months to S’s orphanage. They can bring donations of
formula and supplies for us and they can bring her a care package {with a photo
album and dolls, etc} from us!!!! I’m THRILLED about this and want her to know
that we are here on the other side of the world longing to meet her and working
hard to get her home!
I was reminded again this morning of God’s faithfulness as I
watched my boys laugh and play together. I was reminded of the doctors {the experts} preparing us to expect the
worst when I went into pre-term labor. I was reminded of the fear and the panic
swirling around me as I lay on the gurney being wheeled to the Angel One
helicopter; while I was filled with a supernatural peace that absolutely
surpassed any and all understanding. I heard my Heavenly Father whisper, “I am
with you.” And, I knew He would perform a miracle for these two boys that He
entrusted us with. I was reminded that against all odds, these two boys are
healthy and happy and loving and perfect. They are miracles.
God is still in the miracle business and He is about to
perform another one for our family. I know it and I trust in His ability to
protect our girl and bring her home.
Will you join us in praying for her? We are immensely grateful for the prayers.  
with love,

no more numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eight months ago, i published this post to announce our adoption plans. God had led us back to the path that had begun three years earlier and we were bursting to share our news.

we did not know what our path would look like. we did not know how long it would take.

we knew that there would be twists and turns. we knew that there were more questions than answers.

and, we knew one thing with full confidence ~ God called us to this place and we simply had to step forward. He would unveil His perfect plan in His perfect time.

we had NO idea that i would be writing this post today. we had NO idea that we would be signing long-anticipated paperwork last friday, EXACTLY one year from the date we signed our official contract with AGCI.

i have imagined writing these words a million times in my mind and dreamed of the day that i could hit “publish” to share this miraculous news…

we will no longer have monthly number updates to share. we no longer have to wonder when we will see our child’s face. we no longer have to wait to pray for our child specifically by name.

no longer.

we are now praying for her by name. we are now memorizing her features and imagining what our first moments with her will be like. we are now aching to hold her. we are now trusting more than ever that our Heavenly Father has her safely in His arms.

all of this, because we now have a DAUGHTER!!!!! our boys have a SISTER!!!!!



we are not able to share photos on this blog until she is in our arms. we have also decided not to share her name or her location for her protection. i’ll call her “S” on this blog. and, i will tell you that she is in africa. she is not, however, in ethiopia.

we truly cannot believe how good our God is. how perfectly His plans unfold.

oh, how i wish i could show y’all her precious face {she is TOO much. we can’t wait to kiss those cheeks!!!}. i wish i could tell you her adorable name {my Abba Father knew that i was concerned about changing our baby’s name and He took that out of the equation…her name is so perfect and will be very easily acclimated here in the usa. we will keep her birth name…it’s her. she is “S”}.

i know you all have a zillion questions. i know. this is a lot of information yet it’s extremely vague. i promise to give you a full update soon on all of the truly incredible ways God has moved over this past week. we are in awe of His goodness once again. i can’t wait to share every beautiful detail.

unfortunately, i just don’t have time today {the boys are sick, i’m trying to finish out 2013 planning for work before i leave next friday and i am frantically working to update ALL of our paperwork to change countries and get everything submitted as fast as possible} but i couldn’t wait a single moment longer to share this incredible news!!!!!


please pray for speediness and error-free paperwork! our original paper-chase was a roller-coaster but i think it prepared me for this update. round two isn’t nearly as overwhelming as round one. and, now, i have someone waiting for me to get this done!!!!!

and, please, please pray that we can get our sweet girl home. please pray for her safety while she waits. please pray for her sweet heart. please pray for her birth momma. we don’t know her story but i know with every fiber of my being that her momma heart is shattered in a million pieces because of the sacrifice she had to make for her girl. adoption is rooted in loss and grief. it is also an opportunity for God’s love to provide healing and redemption in unimaginable ways. His light will shine through our girl. He has big, big plans for her. she and her brothers will indeed change the world.

Sovereignty.

The resounding lesson I’ve learned this week is that God is SOVEREIGN.

God is in control of all things. He is faithful and He is able.

Yes, He called our family to adoption. He asked us to trust Him and to care for the orphans of this broken world {James 1:27}.

Yet, He never promised an easy path. He never promised to unveil His plan before His appointed time.

He warned us that the road will be hard. He warned us that we will face many trials {1 Peter 1:6}. He warned us that we must walk the narrow road that few will ever find {Matthew 7:13-14}. And, yet, He also gave us glimpses of the glory and joy that await us.

This adoption was never about us.

It has always been about His love for us and our own adoption into God’s family through His son, Jesus Christ. 

This week, I’ve been reminded again and again, through the mysterious whispers of the Holy Spirit, that God is in control. He is sovereign. And, I must simply trust in the Lord with all of my heart {Proverbs 3:5}. I am grateful that God has clearly spoken to our hearts. He has made our path straight {Proverbs 3:6}.

“If you need wisdom — if you want to know what God wants you to do — ask him, and he will gladly tell you.” {James 1:5}

And, He has gently reminded me to turn over my fear. My doubt. My uncertainty.

I spent a lot of time in the book of Isaiah this week and am so thankful for the promises and the living, breathing words of love and affirmation spoken to my aching heart through these scriptures …

…”Be strong!” {Isaiah 41:6}…

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.” {Isaiah 41: 10}

“I am holding you by your right hand — I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, “Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.” {Isaiah 41: 13}

…”He will reveal justice to the nations.” {Isaiah 42:1}

“I, the Lord, have called you to demonstrate my righteousness. I will guard and support you…you will be a light to guide all nations to me…You will release those who sit in dark dungeons.” {Isaiah 42: 6-7}

We are bursting with joy because of the beautiful promises God has revealed to us this week. He has held us through a dark, frightening storm and moved us into the light of His perfect, unending, trustworthy love.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!
Tell others he has saved you from your enemies. 
For he has gathered the exiles from many lands,
from east and west and north and south.

Some wandered in the desert,
lost and homeless.
Hungry and thirsty,
they nearly died.
“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,
and he rescued them from their distress.
He led them straight to safety,
to a city where they could live.
Let them praise the Lord for his great love
and for all his wonderful deeds to them.
For he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.”
{Psalm 107: 1-9 emphasis mine}

resting in His promises.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and prayers and tears and joy and confusion. I really don’t want to get into any of the details on here but I do want to share a little bit about what we have experienced this week on this emotional rollercoaster ride in this world of adoption.

The short story is this: we saw a little girl’s face who was orphaned and in a place where she is at risk. Our hearts were stirred {stirred is a nice, easy word but it’s not the right one…I don’t know what the right one is – broken, shattered, wrecked?} as we gazed into her big, brown eyes. We memorized her features and imagined holding her in our arms. Her button nose and pinchable cheeks tugged at our hearts.

We prayed.

We prayed. We begged. We pleaded. We cried out. We asked for discernment and clarity. Is this our daughter, Lord? Is she the one we have been waiting for? Why are we seeing her face? Are you asking us to move? Are you asking us to bring her home? Why are we feeling such unease and caution?

We prayed and begged and pleaded for her. For her safety. For her well-being. For her heart. We continue to do so.  I keep praying for the gates of Heaven to send forth angels of protection to surround her in the days and months to come.

We were uneasy and anxious with the situation. We felt led to her but we also felt God asking us to wait. I begged Him to clearly, undeniably show us what He wanted from us. We feared misinterpreting His call and His will.

He led us to incredible families who knew more about this situation than us. We knew nothing about her country’s adoption program, her orphanage or the agency representing her. God placed people in our path over the past 24 hours that have held our hands {figuratively}, listened, advised, and encouraged. They shared their hearts and their hard journeys. They didn’t sugar coat the situation and they gave us information that overwhelmed and burdened us. But, we are so grateful. Although, I haven’t slept in days and am in tears constantly, I know that this information was necessary. It was hard to process and it is hard to understand and comprehend. It’s hard to fathom, honestly.

I kept praying for God to lead Dave so that I could have peace that we are on the same page and know that God was working and that we weren’t simply trying to control and force the situation to work in our favor.

And, He did. He is faithful. He knew that I could NEVER, ever, ever make this decision on my own. He knew that I couldn’t walk away. I can’t. I can’t make the call to the agency to tell them that we are going to stay on our current course. Dave can and will lead us. We both ache but are peaceful with this decision to stop and to trust.

We know, we believe, we have FAITH that, even this, will be made beautiful. God is sovereign. He is always, always good. He has gone before us and knows where this path will lead.

We can’t see it. We don’t know what is ahead or why this precious little girl has become part of our story. We will pray for her and her forever family and pray that God uses the work He is doing in our lives to glorify Him. That is all we can ask for and all we are promised. To be loved. To be held. To never be forsaken. Even in our hurt and confusion and heartache.

I rest in the promise of my most favorite verse…”There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for awhile.” {1 Peter 1:6}

thankful. days 11-13.

Day 11: Today, I am thankful for a pantry full of food for my family.

And, I’m thankful that, even after I spent an entire afternoon organizing these boxes and bags and cans, I can laugh with my silly boys who decide that these items are better off being used as train cars.

{Why is Ben wearing a winter hat? Really, why not?}

Day 12: Today, I’m thankful for a warm fire and a roof over our heads.
I’m thankful for this place full of love and warmth and joy that we call home.

Day 13: Today, I am thankful for a perfect, peaceful spot to have a very important chat with my Savior.

I’m thankful that I am His child and loved more than I could ever comprehend.

And, I’m so immensely thankful that He is in control and He is writing a beautiful story for our family.

updated numbers & encouragement.

Remember how I told y’all that God was moving in really cool ways while we were at the beach? Oh, how sweet He is. He knows when His kiddos need a little encouragement {I still like to think of myself as God’s kiddo even though I’m a “grown-up”}.

I will admit that I was a little frustrated when we received our latest adoption number update. Our agency hasn’t had a lot of movement this past month and I was starting to feel like the wait would be endless. I started to do the math – averaging out the wait times and the number of families ahead of us and coming up with a depressingly long wait ahead…blah blah… it was a fruitless exercise.

I was quickly reminded by my ever-trusting {sometimes annoyingly so, why can’t he just freak out with me one time?!} hubs that God has got this. I can go ahead and let it go. He has this whole master plan thing figured out. And, He loves our child more than we can even begin to comprehend.

Okay, I know all of these things in my head. But, my heart. Well, my heart was aching. My heart was aching for those babies being abandoned in a market and for all of the children going to bed hungry. My heart was aching to do something. For movement. For forever families. For children to be in a loving family that wanted them desperately.

And, God did what He does best. He intervened and allowed me to meet this family on the beach. He gave me a glimpse into how beautiful our family will be when our newest member comes home. And, most importantly, He reminded me that there is plenty of work to do while we wait. There are amazing ministries like Mission Ethiopia that I can support, encourage and pray for during this time of waiting. I was blessed to meet Dave McIrath that day on the beach and am so encouraged by the good work his family is doing in Ethiopia.

But that’s not all. It gets better! God decided that what I really needed was to spend a quiet morning having coffee with a sweet friend that I had never even met in person. Courtney and I found out that we were both vacationing on the same beach and we were staying only a few houses away from one another {now really, if that doesn’t have God’s fingerprints all over it, I don’t know what does!} so we made plans for a Thursday morning coffee date.

Courtney is another AGCI momma and she is about to travel back to Ethiopia to pick up her GORGEOUS daughter, Reeve!!! I was SO blessed and encouraged that morning with Courtney. She showed me photos of her precious little girl and I got a photo tour of Hannah’s Hope {our agency’s transition home} and Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We talked about God’s sovereignty and how His timing is always perfect.

I was so encouraged and uplifted through these encounters. He truly restores my soul {Psalm 23:3} and I am so grateful.

Even though our numbers are higher than I’d like, we can rejoice because there are TEN {!!!} less orphans in Ethiopia this month!!!!!!!!!

Blessings!

blessings and raindrops.

I have a grateful and a heavy heart today. I’m feeling such mixed emotions as I experience abundant blessings while another family in my area is in the midst of a tumultuous storm full of rain and sorrow.

I am immensely grateful to be home safely. Dave and I feel abundantly blessed as we praise God for His protection and favor on our family.

I will share more from our vacation soon but I had to share this today. Reminders of how fragile and precious our lives are tend to shake me to my core. And, this time is no different.

We had an extremely scary drive home from our trip when Dave completely lost steering on his truck on the interstate. I don’t know all of the technical terms but I do know that the pole {I think it’s called a drag link} that holds the tires together and connects them to the steering wheel, came out of the driver’s side tire when we were going 75 miles per hour. Dave could not turn the tires and had no control over steering the car.

He remained incredibly calm in the situation and I have no doubt that God’s hand directed our car off of the interstate and allowed us to safely maneuver to the Firestone building directly off the exit. There is no other explanation. Dave and the mechanics who surveyed the car agreed that we should not have made it off of that exit. The car had to be pulled with a cable wench onto a tow truck and taken to the Dodge dealership about twenty miles away.

The boys and I took a cab to a hotel while Dave waited for the tow truck to arrive. We had stopped in a pretty dangerous area of town and the wonderful and helpful folks at the Firestone building advised us to quickly get the boys and I to another area of town before nightfall. We didn’t hesitate and left immediately.

I was anxious waiting for Dave to arrive but the boys kept me occupied. They thought it was just another adventure and loved spending time in a hotel. The highlights: jumping on the bed and talking on the landline phones. They each grabbed a phone immediately and called “Nana and Papa at the beach in Florida.”

We were able to rent a car yesterday morning and drive the seven hours home. Dave and I will make the seven hour trip back to Jackson to return the rental car and pick up his truck {hopefully} later this week. I’m not looking forward to another fourteen hours in the car but it is our only option.

As I waited for Dave to return with the rental car yesterday morning, I opened my Bible to find words of encouragement in Isaiah 1: 1-4, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as a ransom for your freedom… because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.”

This verse first caught my eye earlier this week because of the reference to Ethiopia. I read about how God gave these nations to Persia in exchange for returning the Jews to their homeland. I highlighted the verse and planned to go back and study it further.

However, when I read it again yesterday morning, what really stood out to me were these words: “you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.” 

We are covered in His love. We are precious to our Father.

And, while I am so thankful for God’s love and protection, I am also feeling incredibly heavy-hearted for all of my friends who lost a dear friend in a car accident on Saturday night. I learned about Matt Turner’s passing from a friend on Sunday morning and have felt so broken-hearted for his wife and little girl. Since first hearing the news, I’ve read countless facebook messages and blog posts from friends who were close with his family. I didn’t know him or his wife, Julee, personally but I am in prayer for her and all of his family and friends.

You can read more about ways to pray for and encourage the Turner family on Kelly’s blog here.

Would you all please join me in lifting up the Turner family in your prayers?

Blessings to you all this week!

just the eight of us.

I spent this past weekend with seven of my all-time favorite gals. I’ve known these girls since we traveled the country working for our sorority as leadership consultants the year after we graduated college.

We had each signed on for one full year on the road. We would fly from city to city and spend anywhere from a few days to a few weeks at each college chapter in our territory.

We literally lived out of a suitcase that year. Breaks were few and far between. We hauled gigantic suitcases full of thick three-ring binders {I know, right? We had computers but I guess this was before everything went digital – we are old}, clothes and shoes from school to school.

We never knew what to expect upon arrival. Our receptions ranged from heartfelt and warm to cold and distant. We stayed in either a luxurious chapter house or {more often than not for some of us, poor Lauri} a dirty dorm room. We ate a lot of take-out and way too many bowls of TCBY {okay, that was just me. I ate way too many bowls of TCBY}.

We learned to adapt and make the best of just about any situation. We polished our “people skills” and were able to initiate a conversation with anyone, anywhere.

We also learned what it meant to be in a room full of people and be lonely. Homesickness set in more than a few times that year.

Gratefully, we had all bonded instantly during our training sessions the summer before hitting the road. We knew we would lean on one another during the year. We knew we would laugh together and maybe even cry together. We knew that our lives would never be the same. But, we truly had no idea how much would change that year.

We started traveling in August of 2001.

Most of us had only been on the road for a few weeks when our country halted and life changed in an instant.

September 11, 2001.

I was in Walla Walla, Washington when the world stopped. When fear and confusion and grief and agony and pain whirled around us. As I watched the tiny television in the basement of the girl’s dorm, my mind reeled. My heart ached. I sobbed alongside strangers and ached to be home. I was on the complete opposite corner of the country from my family in Florida and I longed to be there where safety and love and hope had to be alive. Because in that dorm in Walla Walla, I felt nothing but emptiness and despair.

I waited a little over a week before flying out again to my next stop in Seattle. I boarded my flight trembling with panic and knew that my year traveling would not be anything like I had imagined.

I was then and remain to this day, eternally grateful to the seven women who have since become my dearest friends. We lifted one another up during that season of despair and throughout the year. We did, in fact, cry together. And, we did laugh {a lot} together. We linked arms and held on to one another. We were each other’s lifelines that year. No one else understood what we were doing or what our daily lives looked like. We drove hours to see one another if our trips to the same state coincided. We divulged our struggles and triumphs over our “voicemail” system. We provided one another a link to the world. We didn’t have facebook or twitter or blogs. We had email, phones, a group voicemail and each other.

Since that year, we have been there to celebrate the happiest and most joyful moments of our lives together. And, we have walked alongside one another during the darkest and most grief-filled days.

These seven women have challenged me, uplifted me, inspired me and made me a stronger, better person. They see my heart and know my soul’s deepest desires.

We do not live in close proximity to one another and our career paths are as varied as you could possibly imagine {how many other groups friends do you know that consist of a dentist, a pilot, a news producer, a salesperson, an event planner, an actress, a fitness instructor/volunteer extraordinaire and stay-at-home mom?}, and we don’t even all share the same religious views. And yet, it works. We always pick right up where we left off.

We came together this past weekend to celebrate the very last wedding among the group. Brianna knew her soul mate was out there and she refused to settle for anything less. And, we are all SO thrilled that she didn’t. God led her to Weston and they are perfect together {let’s be honest, they’re a little too perfect – Barbie and Ken  Brianna and Weston would make me a little nauseous if I didn’t love them so}.

Their wedding day was a gorgeous, romantic, fun and perfect day. I cannot wait to share more about their amazing day, but I haven’t even had a chance to upload the photos from my camera yet.

And, I had to give you the full background on these girls first. They are so special to me and our friendship is one I treasure. I am beyond blessed to have these girls by my side for this crazy ride called life.

Even though this post is entirely too long already, I had to share a little sneak back in time at some of our favorite moments together. I snagged all of these photos off of Vicki’s facebook page because I am just too lazy to go back into my archives and dig ’em up. Thanks, Vicki!! 🙂

Every year, we have a reunion trip … here are some of the highlights…{completely out of order}

Lauri’s wedding was the only one I missed!! I had just had the boys and they were still in the hospital at the time. So, a trip to Lake Tahoe was out. I am so sad to have missed this day! Aren’t they an awesome group??

We are such dorks. Really. This is in Seattle in front of the space needle. What are we doing? No idea.

Aww…my girls and I on my big day 🙂

In Ohio for Vicki’s wedding! 

We’re such KIDS! In San Francisco a long, long time ago…

Hilarious. This is during our summer training before traveling. We are so young!

Napa! So fun…

This picture will forever make me laugh. out. loud. We got a teensy bit of sun that day at the beach in Florida.

Look at these kiddos!! Training before traveling. {Why are we sitting in a tree?!? Your guess is as good as mine.}

I love us. Really. We think we’re HILARIOUS. And, honestly, we are. 

This is in Kentucky for Molly’s wedding! 
In Virginia for Beth’s wedding 🙂

A little shopping on Miracle Mile.

What? It’s not completely normal to take a picture in an elevator? I don’t believe it for a second.

I couldn’t find photos from a few of our other trips. We also went to New Orleans {Allie’s wedding!}, Nashville, Kansas City, and Vegas over the years.

Sorry for the long post! But, I had to share!! I’m so grateful to have friendships like these.

Please know that my heart and thoughts are with all of those who mourn the loss of loved ones on this day. And, my heartfelt gratitude goes out to all of our men and women serving in our military to keep our country safe!!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

our weekend in Mountain View

As a follow-up to my last post, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite memories from last weekend’s family adventure in Mountain View…


We headed out on Thursday evening. And, after a late start on our three hour trek across the state, we decided to stop for a nice dinner to kick off the weekend.

Why, oh why, do we always forget that a sit-down restaurant and our boys is NEVER a good combination?! 

Ben got sick at the restaurant {a less graphic way to describe the disaster that occurred} and I ended up racing to the restroom with him to clean him up. I couldn’t salvage his shirt so we were those parents. Yep, I walked through the restaurant and then sat at the table with a shirtless kiddo. In my defense, it is Arkansas. I’m sure nobody blinked an eye. 🙂 {haha – totally kidding}!

As we quickly paid and headed to the car for a change of clothes for Ben and Dave, we realized that, in the rush, Dave had forgotten his phone inside. He ran in, retrieved it and we headed off; trying to distance ourselves quickly from that particular memory. In the frenzy, I somehow remembered that I forgot my PURSE and my camera in the restaurant too!

Needless to say, it wasn’t the greatest start. We were headed for a full fledge National Lampoon-style vacay at this rate.

Luckily, the rest of the ride went smoothly and we checked into our adorable little cabin {Pinewood Cabins – super cute, highly recommend} late Thursday evening.

Dave and the boys spent Friday morning strolling through the adorable downtown area of Mountain View while I was presenting at #AWBC. When it came time for naps, the boys decided to alternate sleeping schedules. This left Dave in the cabin all afternoon with one kiddo asleep and the other bouncing off the walls and/or getting sick. He was thrilled.

He finally broke down and picked me up early to help manage the chaos and we ended up having a relaxing afternoon and evening together.

        One guess as to why Nathan is not wearing clothes.
{Hint: they’re hanging on the other side of the front porch drying}.
Darn you first week of daycare! Way to get the boys sick right before our mini weekend away. 
Ben’s new thing is to wear his sunglasses upside down. I’m fairly confident that this trend will catch on.

Looking back on my photos I took with my phone, I realized that we didn’t really “do” all that much. It was fabulous and exactly what we needed.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we did dissect an old tree stump {I’m sure there were all kinds of critters in that thing but I gave up and just chalked it up to the fact that “boys will be boys”}…

And, we encountered wildlife all weekend…
Proof: we fed a hundred and fifty-five {I do not exaggerate, ever} kittens and tried to get them to like us. They never did. We are scary people.

And, we saved a turtle from the middle of the road…

Random side note: see that lollipop in Nate’s hand? Dave thought it would be a good idea to get the boys a lollipop after he dropped me off at the conference. I never said “I told you so” but I think he learned his lesson later when the sugar high was in full effect.   

And, we waited patiently to see bats in a cave {now, I was back at #AWBC at this point. I don’t know that I would have been in on the whole “waiting-to-see-a-bunch-of-creepy-bats” thing}…

And, after all of that, we ate A LOT of homemade fudge. I just couldn’t resist purchasing the sweet goodness from that adorable old man at the store. He let us try a few dozen samples, after all. {These are photos that Dave sent me while I was presenting at the conference…he may or may not have resorted to fudge bribery in order to survive until I was back}…

Dave’s text message read, “I think they like fudge.”

And, we finished the weekend off by participating in a parade. Completely normal.
On the drive home we somehow accidentally ended up in the middle of a VW parade in Eureka Springs on the drive home {we embraced it and rolled the windows down and waved}. Dave’s GINORMOUS Dodge Ram didn’t stand out AT. ALL. It was hilarious!

All in all, it was a great weekend away! I’m looking forward to a wonderfully long weekend together as a family this weekend.

XO!

beauty in the midst of the ordinary.

A paradigm shift has slowly occurred in our house over the year or so. Layers have been peeled away. Eyes have been opened and worldviews have changed. Hearts have been broken and tears have been shed for people we have never met, in places we have never visited.

We have felt a stirring in our hearts courtesy of that mysterious Holy Spirit whisper.

We have prayed to be His hands and feet.

We have prayed to learn to love like He loves.

We have prayed for opportunities to serve. In our own community or around the world. We’ve prayed for our path to be clear and for our feet to move.

These prayers have led us to our path of adoption. They have also led us to experience moments of transformation in our hearts. Moments in the midst of our everyday, ordinary lives.

Just last weekend, we experienced beauty in the midst of our ordinary.
Saturday evening, Dave and I had the honor of serving alongside 200 members of our church’s congregation for a Samaritan’s Feet shoe distribution event.

We were given the opportunity to show tangible love to the children of our community through the distribution of new shoes {children also received new backpacks, school supplies and sacks of groceries}.

The real beauty?

Shoes weren’t distributed from a nameless volunteer behind a table. They were lovingly placed on the freshly cleaned feet of each and every child.

Each child experienced the act of having their feet washed while listening to stories of Jesus and learning of the significance of this seemingly mundane act of foot washing.

Beauty in the midst of the ordinary, the mundane.

{Jesus washed the feet of His disciples on the night of His betrayal. He served them despite the fact that He knew what was to come. He knew of the betrayal. He knew of the denial. He knew that the very feet He tenderly washed would be the same feet that would flee in the coming hours}.

A sacrificial act of love and mercy and grace.

The sacred moments with each of these children concluded in prayer.

It was an incredible event. The children beamed as they tested out their new shoes. I watched as, over and over again, a child would rise from their seat with a smile of pure joy on their face. Each child would take a few tentative steps before jumping in the air, testing the limits of their new soles.

Because of the overabundance of volunteers {what an amazing problem to have!}, I served as a greeter for the majority of my time. I spent the time talking to the children and their families preparing them for the experience to come and rejoicing with them after they received their shiny, new shoes.

I did have the chance to wash the feet of one precious little boy. Michael was shy and a little unsure about the entire process. He timidly allowed me to wash his feet and talk with him. As he set his feet back down after having them dried, he accidentally hit the tub of water causing it to spill and soak the floor {and my pants} completely. As the floor was being mopped up, I wrapped my arms around the shoulders of that sweet boy, along with his brother Noah, and prayed over them.

That sweet moment will forever remain in my memory. We stood in a puddle of water surrounded by noise and people shuffling back and forth to find shoes of the right fit as we prayed. In the midst of all of the distractions surrounding us, we had a moment of silence and peace. Jesus met us in that moment.

Beauty in the midst of the ordinary.

Coincidentally {or not at all, I know God’s hand was all over this}, the next morning, Dave and I led our Sunday School class in a discussion surrounding the topics of Jen Hatmaker‘s book, Interrupted. We discussed our call as the Church to set aside our personal ambitions. To set aside the desire to have the best church campus, the best worship music, the best Sunday sermon. And, instead to strive for solidarity with the poor, sacrificial compassion and tangible action.

We watched this video {well worth the ten minutes to watch, I promise} where Jen discusses the call on her and her husband’s hearts to become a “barefooted church.” A church where you literally leave your shoes at the altar when asked to give to the homeless community and walk out into the cold morning feeling your Savior’s arms wrapped around you. {Jen had this experience while visiting a small church in Austin and knew that was what the Church was meant to be}.

The most profound words in the book for me, were a message God sent to Jen’s husband loud and clear: “You can trust me when I call.”

Dave and I are learning this truth time and time again. We can trust our ever-present, sovereign, walk-on-water Savior and King. Our Abba.

Earlier this week, I again felt God’s leading to trust Him. To be His hands in the midst of my ordinary life. I was in a hurry to arrive home after a long day of work when I drove past a young homeless man in a parking lot holding a sign asking for work. I drove by feeling strongly that I needed to do something. I prayed for God to lead me. He led me to turn at the next place on my right – Chick-fil-a, to purchase the man dinner.

I was afraid because I didn’t know what to say to him. I simply handed him the meal and he proceeded to explain his situation. He had kind eyes and I felt a prompting to get his name and number to give to Dave. He was in desperate need of work after losing everything when his small business failed. Dave knows he can find him work and will do so. I don’t know where it will lead, but I knew that I couldn’t drive by and not stop.

The song that played on the radio as I drove away was “If We Are the Body” by Casting Crowns…

But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

Please don’t misinterpret this post. I’m not sharing any of this to prove how great I am. Believe me, I’m not. I’m selfish. I’m short-tempered. I’m impatient. I’m scared of risk. I’m afraid to choose the wrong path. I don’t like change. I like comfortable {I adore comfort and coziness, in fact}. I am 100% a work in progress.

Despite all of that, thankfully, God has been doing the hard work of transforming my heart. He is allowing me to see His children as He sees them. And, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I can’t go back. I have to seek Him in all things. Only then will I see the beauty in the hurt. The beauty amidst the pain. His beauty in the ordinary, even in the mundane.

It is official!!!!!

As shocking as this sounds {yep, that’s sarcasm, folks}, we had one more minor snag in our paperwork last week.

After running around like a crazy person getting all of our documents re-notarized before we left for our trip, I was only concerned with checking the new notary expiration date. Which explains how I forgot to make sure Dave signed his medical form. {AH!} Or, that’s what I tell myself to make me feel slightly less unorganized.

Our case manager had to mail the form back to us in Florida where we were on vacation for Dave to sign and return. It literally arrived at the last minute – we were driving out to the airport when the mailman delivered the much anticipated envelope yesterday afternoon. Dave quickly signed it and we sent it off again to Oregon!

I’ve spent more money in shipping these envelopes lately. It’s a little ridiculous…

That little envelope was the finishing touch on seven months of paperwork drudgery!

We are SO excited to announce that…drumroll please…

We are OFFICIALLY on the WAIT LIST!!!!

Our very first wait list numbers…

Yes, there are three numbers. I didn’t just get carried away with my colored chalk…

We were originally only going to be on the “girl” list until we felt God’s stirring to be added to the “sibling” list. Then, we were surprised today when our case worker gave us our official numbers that included a “boy” list number. Our home study parameter wording indicated we should be on all three lists. We considered removing ourselves from the “boy” list but we prayed for clarity … which led us to stay on all three lists.

Yes, this means we could bringing home a little girl OR a little boy OR a girl and a boy OR a girl and a girl OR a boy and a boy.

Got all that?

Everyone keeps asking when we will be adding the newest member to the Marrs clan. The answer is a little complicated. Our agency is estimating current wait times to be approximately 22 months from this point until we receive a referral. There are so many unknowns with the program but this helps us to get a general idea of how long it may take to see our newest child’s face for the first time.

It seems like a daunting wait but we are thrilled to have made it to this step. We know that God will sustain us during the wait. He will provide grace and patience and spiritual growth as He draws us closer during this time {and I’m sure there will be many moments of doubt and impatience and very ungraceful behavior which is why I’m praying for His constant presence}.

As my friend, Debbie, reminded me…22 months is also the gestational period for an elephant. So, it’s basically like I’m I’m pregnant with an elephant. Hmm…maybe not the best analogy. 🙂

Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes! Please keep them coming. Keep praying for our future daughter or son or daughter and son or son and son or daughter and daughter. I’m sorry – I have to figure out a better way to state that, don’t I?! 🙂

We. Are. SOOOOOOO. EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

With much love,
Dave, Jenny, Ben & Nathan

Letter from the Boys…

Dear Daddy,

Thank you for being such an awesome daddy. Thank you for being a strong man of God and an example for us to follow as we grow. Thank you for loving mommy with your whole heart and showing us how to be gentlemen and devoted husbands. Thank you for making our family your top priority and for always moving your schedule around to ensure you spend as much time with us as possible. Thank you for laughing with us. Thank you for teaching us how to do new things. Thank you for being so patient and loving with us. Thank you for reading to us every night. Thank you for all of the kisses and hugs and cuddles and tickles. Thank you for being so kind and selfless and showing us what it means to love others wholeheartedly. Thank you for everything you are and everything you do. We love you to the moon and back!
And, thank you for another weekend full of memories and moments that will forever shape who we are.

Thank you for picking blackberries with us at the Ledbetter’s cabin on Friday…we LOVED eating fresh blackberries…


And, thank you for taking us swimming at Mallory’s birthday party! We had so much fun! 
We are so glad you loved the mugs we made for you! We worked really hard and were SO excited to run into your room with them on Sunday morning! Momma wishes she had snapped a photo but it happened so fast…luckily, she did get a few photos of us making the mugs. See? We worked REALLY hard…


We also had so much fun at the “Father’s Day / Ledbetter Going Away Brunch” on Sunday…we loved playing with our friends while you and mommy talked and laughed with yours…


And, what a fun dinner we had with all of the family celebrating Great-Grandma Marrs’ 93rd Birthday  on Sunday night!


We are so blessed to be surrounded by so much love! 

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!

Hugs and kisses,
Ben & Nathan 

Show Us Your Life {Kitchens}

Fellow NWA’er Kelly hosts a weekly series on her blog {Kelly’s Korner} called “Show Us Your Life.” I love this series and it’s always fun to see what she is featuring each week.

Today, she is featuring one of my favorite things… kitchen tours! How it works: folks posts photos of their kitchens on their blogs and then share the link on Kelly’s blog.

I LOVE to see other people’s homes…to see how they live and to get new styling ideas.

Decorating our home is an ongoing process for me. I am constantly moving items around from room to room to mix things up. I really don’t buy new house “stuff” often at all. I like to repurpose things I already have and find interesting ways to display meaningful objects. I get bored with decor and find myself making over rooms one section at a time really often. Dave loves when I find a new project for him. He does. He won’t admit it but trust me on this.

So, without further ado…here’s our kitchen!

I took this photo in Pienza, Italy and it reminds me of that magical trip each time I look at it…
I LOVE our butcher’s block counter top that Dave built {ignore the pan burn on the counter… I wasn’t thinking and set a hot pan down. It gives it a “distressed” look…right?}
We have moved this light fixture with us for five years…it’s in it’s third house of ours and it fits perfectly here in our kitchen.
I know. Our fridge is gigantic. We had this same fridge/freezer set in our last house and I couldn’t go back. It is just my favorite fridge in the world. 
Our hidden pantry… check out more on the pantry here.  

LOVE all the cabinet space in the island 🙂 
The Breakfast Nook. Dave built the table and benches and Grandma Marrs made the cushions.
I know. I am SPOILED.
And, I am working on changing out the canvas images above the table of the boys…they are a little “wintery” don’t ya think? I have an old window that I’ll be hanging there soon.

So, that’s our kitchen. Hope you enjoyed the tour!

I actually missed last week’s “Show Us Your Life” series on Living Rooms and I couldn’t resist sharing a few shots… here is our “formal living room” {as if there is such a thing in a house with two two-year-olds and three dogs, really}.

That fun chalkboard there? A little project Dave whipped up for me last night after I saw this. LOVE. 
My basket of favorite things…books about Italia… sigh….
I can’t remember where I found this little old chair but I adore it. It’s lived in several rooms of ours and I think it’s found it’s perfect spot with this cute pillow that the boys always try to pull apart. It’s a super fun game.
An image of my favorite sculpture of all-time. Michelangelo’s Pieta. 
A chair I’ve had forever. It is my favorite spot to curl up with a good book.

LOVE my new chalkboard. Remember that verse? It brings hope and peace each time I read it.
Also, I am using the galvanized tin from the boy’s birthday party to hold their chalk. Could be dangerous. We’ll see how long this lasts….

I thought I’d go ahead and share family room photos too… I have them because we had to submit home photos with our dossier…so, here they are…

The boys were asleep when I took this. Obviously. Otherwise, that basket of toys would be empty and the toys would be EVERYWHERE.  
Our old stove fireplace is one of my favorite things about this house. The bricks surrounding it are from an the first apple cider vinegar plant in an adjacent town, Rogers, AR. We’re so historic. 🙂
See the drawers under the TV? I have toys in one and diapers and wipes in the other. Stuff is hidden EVERYWHERE in this house. You never know what you’ll find. Play-doh in the Dining Room cabinet? Yep. Books and toys under the stairs? Yep. Treasure boxes under the bench in the breakfast nook? Yep. Surprises are at every turn around here.
I snagged this awesome sign from this shop on Etsy.
Some random weed/flower things from our flower bed. I love fresh flowers and try to always have them somewhere in the house. 

Whew! Thanks for coming by…I totally feel like you did :).

Next week, Kelly is featuring bedrooms. If I can snag a few photos of bedrooms with beds made, I will share then :).

Have a WONDERFUL weekend!!!!

Barnyard Party {Part 2}

As usual, this weekend was busy and I didn’t have a spare moment to hop on the computer. So, I’m just now finally getting around to sharing some action shots from the boy’s birthday party! You can check out Part One of the party shots here.

Now, we had planned to keep the party really low key. Just gather our friends and family and head over to our barn for a fun afternoon. Enjoy yummy BBQ and let the kiddos run around and play in the dirt.

Seriously, that was the plan. Let the kids play in the dirt.

I started to worry about a week and a half before the party that the whole “just let ’em play in the dirt” plan was not incredibly well thought out. Maybe we should have another option for the girls??

And, the dirt is truly just dirt. Not clean sand or anything. The parents of kiddos covered in mud and gunk may be less than thrilled with this party plan of mine.

I decided pony rides would be fun. And, unbeknownst to me, The Builder had put on his party planning hat and called in reinforcements. He had a friend who said he’d bring over some of his pet animals {from an honest to goodness real farm not a pretend one like we have} for the kiddos to pet and play with.

We ended up with a little petting zoo, ponies, some of Dave’s “toys” and a sand pit for digging {I convinced Dave that sand was a better option than dirt and he hauled some in}.

Needless to say, the boys were in awe. They didn’t know what to do first. Play with the animals – kittens! goats! bunnies! – or ride the tractors- or dig in the dirt – or ride a pony. It was just too much. Truly. But, I consider it a complete success because the moment their freshly shampooed {they gave a new definition to the word “dirty”} little heads hit the pillow, they were fast asleep.

Sleep = success in our house.

Enjoy some photos from their fun-filled day…

Our little petting zoo:

Ben is never allowed to have lollipops because of the artificial dyes, but I found these organic ones online and he was as happy as he could possibly be. I think he ate four and hid some in his pockets for later.

The rooster and the chickens literally sat on this cage like this the whole day. I couldn’t get over it. I can’t say I’ve ever really spent much time with roosters and chickens but I never really thought they would be so laid back.

Love this facial expression… awe.

Digging in the sand {Nate takes this VERY seriously}:

Ben came out to do a little supervising…

Pony rides were a hit:

Check out Dave in the background in the photo on the left … not sure what he’s doing but it makes me laugh…

Surprisingly, Nathan was a little freaked out by the horse.

 My boys love tractors and construction equipment:

Hayrides with Aunt Katie at the wheel:

The crowd watching the hayride…

And, time for cake!

It was such a fun day and I am so grateful for every precious memory made!

Barnyard Party {Part 1}

We had such a fun time celebrating the boy’s 2nd birthday this past Saturday. We transformed our barn from The Builder’s storage and carpentry shop into a space that was perfect for a kiddo’s birthday party! 
Here are some photos of the details…I will share action shots from the party soon. I have so many pictures that I thought it would be best to break them up into a couple of posts.
The Invitation courtesy Social Crafty…
Super, crazy bright photo {sorry!} of the entrance to the barn…
We re-used the pom pom puffball thingys {yep, that’s the official name} from their 1st birthday to hang at the barn’s entrance…
Dave set up his tractors {and other digger thingys} so the kiddos could climb them. There’s a good chance that Ben stayed in these things for two hours straight. 

The Dessert Table…everyone made their own dirt cakes…the organic gummy worms {dye free so Ben could eat them!} were a huge hit…
{Gummy worms from NaturalCandyStore.com}

I went outside and cut fresh flowers {and weeds but they were pretty weeds} to place all around… I love fresh cut flowers and just LOVE how the arrangements turned out! 

By the way, like it’s a completely normal thing to do, The Builder built all of the picnic tables and kiddo tables in an afternoon. I am totally and completely spoiled, y’all. 
We had yummy barbecue with all the fixin’s {yes, I’m trying to sound like I’m not a 100% city girl and that this whole barn thing fits like an old glove. The truth is, I came home after the party and showered for thirty minutes with a loofah and salt scrub to remove all of the dirt on my body}…

And, what Southern-Barn-Party is complete without sweet tea and lemonade?
I am in love with these jars. I ordered them last year for the boy’s party and you would think they are lined in 24 carat gold the way I adore them. 
Admit it. You want to drink out of these all day. Every day. 

Party Favors for our little guests…

And, here’s a sneak peak at one of the fellas that joined us…
So, do you think the boys were excited when they arrived?? I’d say yes. 🙂

More to come soon!

My Birthday Boys…

To My Precious Ben and Nathan,

I just hugged you tight before laying you down in your beds (you’re still in your cribs…I plan to keep you in those for as long as possible!), and could hardly hold back my tears as I kissed your cheeks and breathed in your perfection. I cannot believe you are turning two tomorrow. TWO. YEARS. OLD. My babies are officially toddlers.

The past two years have been the most blessed of my life. You both amaze your dad and I each and every day. We watch in awe as you soak in the world around you. You are learning and changing so much each day. I hardly even realize how much you’ve changed until I look back on old pictures or watch old videos. You seem so grown up now! You are both talking all the time and you’re both so polite (most of the time) and sweet and innocent. You are full of love and make me see the world differently. I love experiencing the world through your eyes!

One Month – this picture always makes me laugh!
One Year
Two Years

Ben – you are my sweet, kind-hearted soul.

You love animals – stuffed or real. You sleep with about six stuffed animals every night and Mr. Bear is still your favorite.

You love your paci and your blankie. You have to hold onto the tag of your blanket when you lay down to go to sleep. We find the tag and hand it to you that way.

You’re very sensitive and you are also very inquisitive. You like to know how things work. You study everything. You are cautious and take your time before trying something new.

You have the sweetest voice in the world. When you say, “Please” and “Thank you, Daddy” or “Thank you, Mommy” … my heart literally melts. You could get absolutely anything you want when you look at me with those big, bright blue eyes and say, “Please.” It is just the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. You have been putting words together and making little sentences lately. Yesterday, you told us that your cup was “not working.” And, you love to say, “Cheers!” and tap cups with us during dinner. It’s a funny thing your daddy taught you.

You also love to race or be chased. Nana Marrs taught you to put your hands on your legs and bend down while I say, “Ready, Set, Go!” before you race off. You laugh so hard while you run. You have always had the most infectious laugh.

Your smile is contagious and you could charm the moon, my sweet boy.

You love to dance. You also love an audience. You always are so sweet and tell everyone, “Bye Bye” or “Night Night” and give hugs and kisses before leaving someone’s house or heading to bed.

You love to sing in the car.

You are independent and like to play by yourself sometimes. You could “cook” in your kitchen or on your new BBQ set for hours.

You are the light of my life.

One Month
One Year
Two Years Old!



Nate – you are my funny, cuddly, dare-devil.

You make everyone laugh. You are the life of any party and light up any room you enter.

You climb on everything and have no fear of anything. You always have bumps, bruises and scrapes. {Today, you climbed Aunt Katie’s pile of bricks and fell off and scraped your arm up and dropped a brick on your toe. It was bleeding and is bruised.}

You love making truck noises and are really good at it. You make tractor noises, beeping noises for big trucks backing up, fire truck sirens, airplanes, dump trucks and garbage trucks. You love construction trucks and get so excited when you see one.

You love your baby {your glow seahorse} and take it with you everywhere.  You have two and prefer to have them both in your arms at all times. Especially when you sleep.

You like two of everything. If I hand you a cracker, you will say, “I need two.” You’re that way with anything…”Two” and “Baby” are your favorite words.

You also love to say, “Dada” “Mama” “Papa” “Nana” and “Chi Chi”.  You probably say those words twenty times a day. You also say, “No!” in response to Ben saying, “Mine!” {which he does a lot}.

You are so sweet with your brother. When he cries or gets hurt, you bring him his blankie and even give him your beloved baby for comfort.

You love to give hugs. You especially love hugging your friend Hannah, your brother and Max {our pup}. They are all not very appreciative of your hugs but you still give them! And, you hug all of your family when you are saying goodbye. You are very loving.

You love to snuggle in the morning. You and I snuggle up on the couch and watch “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” or “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” together every morning. I treasure our snuggle times. Sometimes you will fall asleep on me when you wake up too early…those are some of my favorite moments. Listening to you breathing and praising God for the abundance of love in my life.

You are the light of my life.

One Month
One Year
Two Years Old! {Barnyard Party}

Ben & Nate – I love you with all of my heart and am so honored to be your momma. You will always be my precious babies. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of the journey to get to this place. I am grateful and blessed!!

I love you! Happy Birthday boys!!!!

XOXOXO,
Mama 🙂

One Step Closer!!!

To do on Saturday morning: a visit to the farmer’s market.

That was our agenda for the morning. No other plans. Just a leisurely-spent morning sipping coffee and walking a few blocks to the downtown square to buy fresh blueberries and strawberries {which we ate the majority of before we made it home} and a new planter with fresh herbs.

A calm, relaxing, quiet morning.

The weather was perfect – cool and sunny.

We even stopped by our dear neighbor’s house on the way home so the boys could see her pet turtle and pick raspberries in her patch out back. She is the sweetest lady in the world. Ms. Betty. She has to be in her late 70’s and we saw her on our walk home riding her bike {!} to pick dandelions for her turtle’s lunch. She invited us over and we just enjoyed her company. She told us more about her life and her family. It was fascinating. We weren’t rushed to be anywhere so we just visited with her and soaked up the uninterrupted time together. Times like that are few and far between in our hurried and busy lives.

I thought there was nothing that could have made this day begin any more perfectly.

Until we arrived home.

I noticed we had mail and, as soon as I saw the packet from Dillon, our home study agency, I was overcome with a combination of joy and panic.

Joy because I had been waiting for this packet to come for weeks. It was our final, approved and notarized home study.

Panic because I thought it would arrive on Monday or Tuesday. I wasn’t prepared. I had left our I-600a application and cover letter at my office last week thinking I would get the home study and mail it off sometime during the week.

So, I frantically retyped our USCIS application and cover letter, grabbed our home study, our birth certificates and our marriage license and raced out the door. {Dave stayed home to put the boys down for their nap}.

It was 11:30 at this point.

I rushed to the bank to have two cashier’s checks issued to accompany our application.

As soon as I pulled into the bank, I realized that I didn’t know who to issue the checks to. How could I not have printed these off last week?? Frustrated at my lack of preparation, I called Dave to check it out online. He couldn’t find anything so I made an assumption and had them issued to “USCIS.”

I ran out the door and headed to the Fed Ex office to mail our packet off. As I was filling out the “to” section on the shipping label, Dave called and alerted me that he double checked in our AGCI workbook and we needed the cashier’s checks written to the Department of Homeland Security.

WHAT?!

I dropped my pen and raced out the door. The poor guy behind the counter must have thought I was a complete lunatic.

I sped back to the bank and was confronted with a five-person deep line.

I waited in line VERY impatiently. I was even annoying myself with my loud sighs and pacing back and forth.

I prayed. I apologized for not planning ahead and asked for God to get this application in the mail. I turned it over to Him. I was gently reminded that this will all work out in His time. Not mine.

The bank teller was an angel on earth and rushed to reissue the checks for me. I wanted to jump over the counter and give her a hug but there was no time.

It was 12:12 and the last Fed Ex pick-up for the day happened at 12.

Knowing that there was little hope of getting this out today, I still raced back to the Fed Ex office. Rushing in, looking all kinds of crazy, I yelled, “Did I make it?!”

I had! The pick-up was late!!!

I snapped a quick photo before handing over six months of hard work to the frightened kid who unfortunately came to work that day. He definitely thought I was crazy.

I had a date in my head since the beginning of this process: May 14th. That was my goal to have our paperwork complete. We almost made it. Our USCIS application (last bit of paperwork) will arrive to their office on the morning of May 14th. Pretty awesome, right?

Next up, fingerprints and then shipping off our giant dossier packet to AGCI. We are SO close, I can taste it!!!

And, I can’t forget to mention, when I arrived home from what felt like a audition for “The Amazing Race,” the house was CLEAN and the boys were asleep. What else could I possibly ask for on this Mother’s Day weekend?? Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

“Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.” Ephesians 1:4 (emphasis mine)

Weekend Festivities

Whew! This past weekend was BUSY…but in a really, really good way. We spent the entire weekend sharing laughs with some of our all-time favorite people.

Here’s the breakdown: we hosted two impromptu dinners with friends at our house, one baby shower (well, that was just me and not Dave), and one going away dinner for Uncle Bob & Aunt Jill. We also attended a neighborhood get-together, baked (and ate) loaves and loaves of homemade bread, planted some flowers for Earth Day and started quite a few fires (on purpose).

I will warn you now, this is going to be a long post. I have cut down the photos as much as I could. I sent the 100+ images out to my mom and sisters but I had to share some of the highlights here for memory’s sake. These are images of the moments I absolutely treasure…weekends at home together with loved ones!

Friday —

It was really chilly here on Friday so we spent the afternoon playing at Hannah’s house and then Katrin and I took the kiddos to our favorite coffee shop downtown for coffee (for us) and chocolate milk and banana bread for the kiddies. It was so fun and relaxing.

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE having Friday’s off??

After our coffee date, the kiddos played in the park for a while and then Katrin, Scott and Hannah came over for some homemade soup for dinner. It was a perfect night for soup and what will probably be our last fireplace fire until next winter.

While we waited for the Clubines to arrive, the boys (all 3 of them) sat and watched the fire (and ate a banana).
After dinner, Hannah joined the boys for a bath and donned some of their bigger PJ’s (explains the Santa PJ’s she’s wearing) before we walked her and her parents back home. 
Can you tell how much we are loving having the Clubine’s as neighbors??!

Saturday — 

I dare you to tell me that this isn’t THE sweetest boy on this planet (bedhead and all)…

You see, I took this picture of Ben with my phone Saturday morning when he was being silly and snuggling with his giant teddy bear. I told him that his cousin Michael would love a picture of Ben and the bear (Michael MAY tie for the world’s sweetest boy on the planet award…) because he loves bears and he loves his little cousins. So, sweet, adorable, loving Ben gave his bear a giant hug and said, “Cheese!”

Just after I sent the photo off to my sister, Angie, Nathan came into the living room yelling and shaking his hand at me.

His hand (and his stomach and his chest) was covered in poo. Not surprisingly, the wall in the laundry room was too. I suppose he tried to rub it off on anything he could find. (Now, I really can’t blame him there…)

Seriously. This is not made up.

And, yes, this is the same child who pooed in the bathtub a couple months ago.

I blame this behavior entirely on his father. 

Legend has it that a certain camping trip was ended abruptly when a certain little Davey decided to drive trucks in piles of “mud” in the family tent. No lie. These are the genes Nathan inherited. 

Please feel free to laugh out loud. I did. It’s all you can do with a houseful of boys. I promise you. 🙂

Moving along to Saturday afternoon, everybody cleaned up and we headed to our little neighborhood get together (I call it a neighborhood but we live downtown so it’s just our little block but it feels cozy like a neighborhood to me). Each year, Mrs. Bogle hosts a party for all the neighbors to come over on Prom night.

Now, if that doesn’t leave you confused, I don’t know what does.

Well, all of the high schoolers (from our town’s high school) come to the park across from Mrs. Bogle’s house (that is appropriately named, “Bogle Park” since she owns and maintains it :-)), to have photos taken before prom.

Sounds simple enough, right? Just some high school kids having their picture taken before heading off to dinner and prom with their date. Why would we go to eat apps and watch these kids take photos?

It is actually quite a spectacle. Hundreds of kids and their parents congregate at the park starting in the early afternoon. There are limos, shuttle buses, professional photographers… the works. And, we had a front row seat to all the action. I sort of felt like I was a commentator for a red carpet special. There were some amazing dresses and some very interesting ones.

And, a few of us adults decided to dress up in our own prom gear. Why not? We’re old and weird and embarrassing anyway.

I tried to get a photo of Ben & Nathan in front of the high school kids…this was all I could get. I find it hard to believe that someday (sooner than I would hope), these sweet, innocent, toddlers will be going to prom themselves. Maybe I will embarrass them with this photo on their prom night. Ooh..and the earlier story in this post. Oh, the poor dates these boys bring home…
How sweet is this? Like father, like son. Sometimes those genes they share are pretty darn cute. 🙂
I didn’t go over and get in the middle of the action but can you see how many people there are over there? And it goes back all the way into the park!
Feeding Mrs. Bogle’s Hog statue.
Go Gators! 🙂

Next up, our crew headed back to our house for a little bouncing and a barbecue…

It looks like Nathan just pushed Caroline. He is way too excited and she is  upside down and backwards. Hmmm…..
After taking out Caroline in the bouncy, he went after her sister. Nathan and Evelyn were tackling each other for about 20 minutes…
Apparently, I need to teach this boy some manners.

Sweet friends 🙂
Digging in the flower bed with a spatula. Normal, right?
Everyone wanted in on the digging-in-the-dirt action.

Surprisingly (or not at all), we ended the night with another bonfire…this one was a little more tame. No dead trees, just some firewood.

Dave’s Uncle Bob & Aunt Jill from Minnesota recently renovated the apartment behind Katie’s house  (we now call it “The Marrs’ Compound”) and will stay there during there visits to NWA. We SO enjoyed having them as neighbors and will miss them this summer while they’re back in Minnesota! (Cousin Emily is in this photo with Chiquita in her lap too :-)…luckily, she’s staying in town)!

Hannah wanted a photo with Nathan and he obviously did not. Ha!

Sunday — 
The boys both ate breakfast while holding their football and basketball. They would not put them down. They are my little athletes (and/or they just didn’t want their brother to take their ball).

I spent my Sunday morning at a wonderful brunch celebrating my sweet friend, Muffy’s baby boy on the way. This was truly one of the simplest and most fun showers I have hosted in a long time! Because this is her second baby, we decided to do a low-key brunch at a local restaurant.

There were only a handful of us there and these girls are all some of my closest friends in this area. I have known them all for years and LOVED having a quiet brunch with them. We were able to have adult conversations and eat our food as slowly as we wanted and drink our coffee while it was still warm…it was fabulous! 🙂

No stress planning included a fun bouquet centerpiece put together with flowers I bought at Sam’s club (& Katrin added diapers so it was a useful gift too!) and then yummy cakeball favors!
The Mama-to-Be (again) 🙂
LOVE these girls!!

Other Sunday activities included…

Baking homemade bread and making homemade pasta sauce 🙂 YUMM!
I’ll have to get this recipe from Dave to share…it was INCREDIBLE!!! (He also made two other loaves and rolls that were all eaten!)
And, in honor of Earth Day, we planted new flowers out front! 
Lastly, we hosted a going away dinner for Bob & Jill as they headed back to Minnesota on Monday morning. It was a wonderful evening full of delicious food (homemade pasta, salad from the garden, homemade bread and homemade brownies!) and laughter. We have absolutely loved having Bob & Jill live next door this past month or so…we got so used to seeing them out on walks or having them drop by for a visit. They are wonderful neighbors and we can’t wait until they are back for another visit! We miss them already!
Sorry for the lengthy post…I just couldn’t leave any of these good times out! 🙂
I leave tomorrow morning for Florida with Nathan! We are going for my sister’s wedding shower on Saturday. I am hosting with her other bridesmaids and have been hard at work on all sorts of projects and planning. I can’t wait to share the details of her shower! It should be a PERFECT day – I cannot wait!!
Ben and Daddy will be soaking up some one on one time. And, I’m sure Nathan will love all the attention from Nana & Papa (& aunt lori, uncle steven, aunt christina, bradley, grandma and nana) all to himself! 
I’m a little nervous again about separating them but I think it will be a fun experience for them both. This is our last flight while the boys are under two so I’m taking advantage of Nathan being able to fly free one last time! 
Happy Wednesday!!

There is Great Joy Ahead…

As if being reminded of my 4-year old talents wasn’t profound enough, I wanted to share another {possibly EVEN better} lesson learned from the Living Proof Live event.

I know, I know…you’re thinking, this can’t be possible. You already told us that you were a child genius! What more could you have to share?! Ha!

Before I get to the good stuff, first let me give you a little bit of the back story…

We have been working HARD on our dossier paperwork for our adoption. It is just ridiculous how long this is taking. It is a checklist of documents, people. A checklist.

I am the self-proclaimed QUEEN of checklists. That is what I do. I check things off lists. I write down tasks that I already completed just so I can check them off.

This is why I am beyond frustrated with all of this paperwork. For Pete’s sake, I should be able to compile a bunch of bloody documents, right?! (I don’t know why I used the word “bloody” – I guess I’m feeling British this morning after having a scone for breakfast).

Anyway, we have been having setback after setback with these documents.

I KNOW with 100% confidence that the enemy is working against us here. He HATES adoption. He will stop at nothing to stand in our way. This isn’t just about gathering documents. There is a real spiritual battle happening here.

Every single time I think we have a document returned complete and notarized, we find a mistake. Dates not matching. Wording not exact (and I mean EXACT).

For example, I have had to have my sweet, kind, fabulous HR manager rewrite my employment letter SIX times. SIX. Are you kidding me?!

Last week, I was in tears on the phone with our CPA. Dave is self-employed and we need a very specific letter from our CPA stating in exact terms that he has been Dave’s CPA for the past 8 years and Dave’s salary last year was X and his anticipated salary this coming year is X.

Well, that just sounds simple, doesn’t it?

It’s not. Dave doesn’t have a set salary. He reinvests money into his business all the time. And, his taxes for 2011 are not final so the CPA will not write what the salary amount was for 2011 yet. He also will not estimate what Dave’s salary for 2012 will be. He also won’t just agree with me on what our rental income for 2011 was. I gave him a number that is accurate based on our calculations and he won’t just use it. Can you hear how loudly I’m typing this? Do you sense my frustration here?!

UGH!

To make matters worse, just after VERY exciting progress that our home study is written and under review (we need a final home study in order to apply for our approval from the US Immigration office), I got an email on Saturday morning from our social worker stating that our agency does not agree with her approved parameters. This sounds complicated but basically, she approved us for a child or siblings up to 36 months old and our agency (based on our very initial conversations) has us approved for one child up to 18 months old.

So, there is a problem. The agency approval HAS to match our home study approval.

Okay…that was a long background story…

The point of this all is to say that I received the email from our incredibly patient and fantastic social worker on Saturday morning as I was leaving the hotel to go hear Beth Moore speak.

I was a hot mess, ya’ll.

A blubbering, frustrated, sad, annoyed, mess.

I NEEDED to be filled up. I needed to be reminded of WHY we are doing all of this. And, WHO is in charge of it all.

And, I was.

God did not let me down. He never does. Never.

As Beth asked us to turn in our Bible’s to 1 Thessalonians, I flipped a little too far and landed right on the first chapter of 1 Peter.

Do you know what was highlighted in bright yellow and caught my attention? 1 Peter 1:6.

“There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.”

Wow…did you get goosebumps too?

That’s not even all of it!

I was feverishly writing this verse and my thoughts down in my notebook (basically, I wrote “the enemy is fighting this against this adoption every step of the way but God is charge. His timing is PERFECT. We will suffer through paperwork and the wait and the grief and the long road ahead BUT there IS great joy ahead!”)

As soon as I finished writing, do you know what Beth did?

She asked us to turn in our Bibles to 1 Peter 1:6!!!!!!!!

I literally could not believe it. My sister-in-law was sitting next to me and about fell off her chair since I had just shown her the verse I had written down.

Beth went on to say that we must go through trials and afflictions and be tested in our faith. But we will also have holy moments in this very unholy place (earth). We must still fight the good fight.

I know that someday I want to be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:6).

“So if you are suffering according to God’s will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for he will never fail you.” (1 Peter 5:19) Emphasis mine.

I know that there will be trials on this road. I know it will not be easy. But I know we are called to this place for a greater purpose. We are fighting the good fight every step of the way. And we will be rewarded. And, oh my, how great our reward will be. There is GREAT JOY ahead!!!

Go. Be Love.

When I was four years old, I taught myself to recite the alphabet backwards.
“Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A”
I can still distinctly remember sitting in the little classroom that I had set up in the corner of our back porch memorizing these letters. I would sit for hours on end (or at least that’s how I remember it… it was probably more like 15 minutes at a time) and I would study the alphabet I had written on my chalkboard backwards.
I didn’t have a particular reason for this. I just wanted to be able to do it.
My mom used to have me recite it for our family and friends all the time. It was my little talent. Oh, how I loved seeing how proud my mom was of me when I would recite those 26 letters flawlessly backwards.
That bizarre skill has served absolutely no purpose in my life other than making my four year old self feel brilliant.
I had completely forgotten about this until this story came to mind as I was soaking in the words Beth Moore had spoken during the recent Living Proof Live event I attended.
As I take a good, hard look at my life right now, I can identify areas where I am spending ridiculous amounts of time and energy working at things that serve no greater purpose than to make myself feel good. I’m spinning my wheels in order to learn the alphabet backwards (metaphorically speaking).

A-hem. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

You see, it takes work and time and devotion to learn the alphabet backwards. You have to trick your brain into thinking in a way that is counter to what society teaches. Sometimes, you realize that all of that sweat and toil didn’t do anyone any good. You studied and you memorized but you didn’t actually DO anything with this knowledge.

The phrase I kept being reminded of again and again as I reflected on this weekend’s message was: Go Be Love.

That’s it.
Go.
Be Love.
Go out there in the world and be love for the needy. For the weak. For the brokenhearted.
Beth referred to “Fruit Tasters” of faith with the term, “They.” “They” need to see tangible expressions of Christ’s love through His followers. “They” need to see us prove it; prove that our lives have been changed through the Holy Spirit.
Tangible expressions of love.

These ideas come to mind…

: Bring dinner to an elderly neighbor.  
: Have coffee with a friend going through a difficult time. Then, be present and listen.
: Send a copy of your favorite book to a friend in need of encouragement.
: Create a “Blessing Bag” full of diapers or tea or cookies or groceries for a neighbor or a friend with a new baby.
: Send a loved one an unexpected card in the mail. Everyone loves finding a handwritten note of love amidst all the bills and junk mail in their mailbox.
: Create a clothing closet at a local school available to any child in need of socks or a warm coat.
: Sponsor a child through Compassion International or World Vision or HelpOneNow. Send your sponsored child a handwritten note often.
Dear friends, there are so many ways to GO and BE LOVE in your community and across the globe. I would love to hear from you with other ideas. I am challenging myself to do something each week that is a tangible expression of Christ’s love.
I am going to create a sign that says “Go Be Love” to hang on my bathroom mirror as a reminder each morning of this beautiful challenge.  
Will you join me in this challenge?  We can make a difference in our world.