Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

caught off guard.

When I posted on Friday afternoon I was writing from a place of peacefulness and gratitude.

Shortly after hitting publish, my world was rocked. As we sat down to enjoy our last meal together at the beach, I noticed all of the missed calls and texts and FB messages as my phone lit up continuously. 
The state department had posted this alert. 

Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo Immigration Authorities Suspend Issuance of Exit Permits to Adoptees

I literally felt the waves come crashing down around me while uncertainty and confusion swirled. The immigration authorities in the DRC announced a suspension of Exit Permits to adoptees for up to 12 months. 

To say that I was in shock is an understatement. I cried and cried and eventually just felt numb. I was in a haze of confusion, anger, despair and sorrow. It wasn’t pretty. 
I wish I could say that I felt the quiet assurance of trust that God is in control even in this situation. But, I didn’t. Not at first. When I first heard this news, all I felt was fear. 
After dinner, I found a quiet spot and opened the study I had been prompted to dust off the shelf…Always True; God’s Promises When Life is Hard by James Macdonald.
I opened to where I had left off and saw these words of hope and truth:

Macdonald’s words echoed my heartache, “Christians don’t generally set out to doubt God. We don’t question our faith without reason. Life’s pain or unexpected questions simply catch us off guard.“

That was me: caught off guard.

Tossing in the waves, feeling hopeless. As James wrote, “The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” {Jas. 1:6} There was no denying that I was being tossed by the wind, grasping for breath.

“The Lord promises that if we trust in him with all our heart, if we do not lean on our own understanding, and if we acknowledge HIm in all our ways, He will make our paths smooth. {Proverbs 3:5-6} God will pave the way for us.” – James Macdonald

I read those two sentences over and over. I tried to pray but all I could muster was a simple, sincere, cry out to my Heavenly Father,

“Jesus, make a way where I can’t see a way.“

I wrote that little pray in my journal and felt peace envelop me.

“You keep him in perfect peace 
whose mind is stayed on you, 
because he trusts in you.”  {Isaiah 26:3}
Today, there are still no answers. Uncertainty continues to loom ahead like a dark cloud. Yet, I am at peace.

I am trusting that God; the One who called us to this place, the One who has provided time and again, the One that has affirmed our path over and over; will move in a mighty way.

He will protect the children who are waiting and praying for a family.
He will hold each and every orphaned child in our daughter’s country in His loving embrace.
He will command His angel armies to surround the orphanages and the foster homes where these children are living.
He will protect them from illness and pain.
He will bring them home to the mommas and daddies and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and nanas and papas that are waiting and loving them from afar.

Hope will rise.

And, in the meantime, I will continue to meet with my other waiting mommas after we tuck our littles in at night. We will continue to hold hands under the stars and pray. We will continue to cry out to our Abba Father and ask that He protect our babies. We will continue to hold a vigil of prayer and trust. We will keep our eyes on Him.

Our Hope. Our Redeemer. Our Comforter. Our Ever Present Help in times of trouble.

Joseph replied, 
“Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God? Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now — life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your children.” 
He assured them, speaking with them heart-to heart. {Genesis 50: 19-21 MSG}

Comments

  1. woosterweester says

    Jenny, I see in you such a fighting spirit, and it must tick off the enemy to no end for him to know you're going to be victorious in this. Our sermon this last week was about God making a way where there literally is no way. When I read those words of yours my breath caught in my throat. God is going to turn the tables and will soon trouble the trouble that troubles you. You will look on your "enemies" in triumph. You are not shaken. You are not moved. You may be knocked down from time to time but you are SO not out. Go one more round Jenny. The spirit of God in you is so strong and I'm not just up in the stands screaming for you, I'm down by the boxing ring, putting my head through the ropes, excitedly pounding the floor with my fist cheering you on, "One more round. Go one more round." Knock him out. Baby girl is coming home.

    • jenny.marrs@yahoo.com says

      thank you so much, rory!! what an amazing visual you painted… i love this analogy and am going to just close my eyes and picture you standing beside the ring pounding the floor!! love you!!!

  4. Julie says

    Jenny, my heart aches for you . . . it brings back memories of our adoption journey. One moment we are on our happy way when all of a sudden mountains get in the way. The boys were placed with us in March of 2005 but our adoption wasn't finalized until September of 2011. There were so many delays – all beyond our control. So many people told us to simply give up and asked "Why put yourself through this?"
    We couldn't give up, they were OUR boys and we had to keep our trust in God. He gave us the peace and the perseverance to see it through to the finish . . . which made it so much sweeter on Adoption Day!

    God WILL make a way . . . when there seems to be no way!

    Love ya,
    Julie