Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

this unexpected life.

Two years ago, we took in a baby lamb in need of bottle feeding around the clock. I thought it would be fun and the lamb was pretty adorable so there was a zero percent chance of me turning her away. Trixie-the-lamb thought she was a dog and went on walks with us and slept cuddled alongside our lab on the porch. She grew up, we added a couple of friends and she had a baby.

These days, we have twelve sheep (Trixie is the matriarch), a llama, half a dozen cows (with babies due soon!), a dozen chickens, three dogs and two kittens.

Never, ever, ever did I expect to live on a farm with actual food that we produce and eat and animals that we care for each day (Did I mention the word NEVER??). Yet, here we are. Making it up and learning as we go (see photo example here of Dave’s first sheep shearing experience – bless it).

Here’s the thing, life will undoubtably throw you all sorts of curve balls (God’s not surprised by any of them but we certainly can be) and you have a choice:

Run and hide because you feel ill-equipped;

OR

step into the crazy and laugh and learn and make a lot of mistakes and ask a ton of questions and risk looking foolish along the way.

I promise you, looking foolish is actually fun if you’re willing to not take yourself too seriously.

I couldn’t be more grateful for the fact that we kept saying yes to the crazy and now have a pasture full of animals and we get the privilege of marveling as we watch brand-new mommas coax along their shaky-legged newborns to their feet. Or, for the sweet simplicity of lingering on the front porch with my love and a steaming mug of coffee, before the day begins, laughing together as we watch the kittens hide behind a tree to scare the llama.

This is the (completely, unexpected and absolutely unplanned for) good stuff.

The kitchen remodel. {Part 1}.

I have to admit, our kitchen is now my absolute favorite room in the house. The light in here is amazing and bright, we’ve tripled our cabinets and storage and the space is just so much more functional for our family. I was a bit hesitant to remove the kitchen island entirely but had a gut feeling it would work for us. And, it absolutely has. The kitchen table gets so much use and love and creative juices are constantly flowing there with craft projects and snacks and life taking place smack in the center of things.

And, you guys, I have FIVE completely EMPTY cabinets/drawers in my kitchen! <– UNHEARD OF in a 100+ year old house. Granted, I purged a ton in this process but there are so many cabinets that I don’t even have enough stuff to fill them all. I told Dave that the empty cabinets give me SO MUCH JOY that I never, ever want to fill them. I have a intense urge to create empty drawers and spaces everywhere. I’ve channeled my inner Marie Kondo and there’s no going back now.

I promise to share photos of the entire space soon, along with the plans and the thought process that went into the entire kitchen design (including all the challenges we faced along the way – par for the course with any remodel). For now, I’m stilllllllll waiting on my range (week of June 25th- I’m looking at you) so I’m holding off on sharing more until the kitchen is completely finished.

BUT, Dave just wrapped up building our brand new (STUNNING) kitchen table and I had to share because I’m so proud of him and how ridiculously talented he is!

This table is the center of the room that is the heart of our home so it had to be just right. A lot of thought and planning went into this design and I am so, so, so happy with how it turned out! Here is a look at the inspiration photos I compiled when we started designing the table…

Sources: Upper Right, Upper Left, Lower Right, Lower Left

As I compiled these images, a few things stood out: 1) I love light wood tones. 2) I want the space to feel airy and bright and casual…not at all stuffy or formal. 3) I love the look of raw, unfinished, slightly rustic wood, particularly against the clean contrast of our kitchen cabinets with inset doors and European inspired hardware.

Because the table is in the center of the room, we carefully planned out measurements to ensure the space didn’t feel confined or too tight for ample seating (we do have a lot of people who need to fit around this table every day…and growing ;)). I love the look of chairs around a table but also needed the space savings and extra seating a bench provides. I decided to mix and match with a bench on the side of the table facing the range (to save on space) and five chairs surrounding the table (Dave designed the legs with head chairs in consideration). A sweet friend picked these gorgeous vintage chairs up for me a couple months ago at Roundtop and I bought them via Facetime and hoped for the best … thankfully, they’re absolutely perfect!

Dave used silver maple to build the table and, in order to keep the raw look that I love, sealed it with a clear-finish epoxy. We actually used the exact same epoxy to seal our white oak floors – it’s awesome and creates a hard, durable finish without any sheen.

I can’t wait to share photos of the FINAL, final space once my long-awaited range arrives! I also promise to share more room tours soon. There’s still so much to do but we do have a few finished spaces that I can’t wait to share with you all.

Have an awesome week, friends!

Sources:

Run toward him.

Two years ago, we took in our first bottle-fed baby lamb. Admittedly, I was caught up in the cuteness of her soft fur and her ever-present smile, I wasn’t thinking about the long-standing Biblical history of this little animal. Yet, as the years have passed and I have watched and learned from our now small (and continually expanding) herd, I’m consistently amazed by what God can reveal to us through His creation.

This past Sunday {Easter morning}, after being awoken bright and early by the kids to hunt for eggs and check out Easter baskets, Dave and I went out front to drink coffee on the porch while watching our favorite entertainment as of late – the newest baby lambs jump and play in the pasture. As soon as the older sheep heard our voice, they came running. Now, I know better, I stay quiet in the mornings unless I’m fully prepared to bring them treats. Dave, on the other hand, thinks the stampede is hilarious and shouts “GOOOOODDDD MOOOORRRNNNIINNNGGG!” in a ridiculously high octave. As they ran toward us, fully expecting maple-y goodness, I was struck by a thought.

“My sheep recognize my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” {John 10: 27}

In biblical times, shepherds would lead their flock out of the city to graze each day. They would guide their herd to the patches of grass amidst the rocky terrain throughout the region. They would also protect their sheep from dangerous animals or treacherous holes in the ground. The sheep literally trusted the shepherds with their lives.

These days, in our small Northwest Arkansas town, our own little flock graze merrily in an abundantly grass-filled pasture. They are protected by fences and barbed wire and dogs. They don’t really need Dave or I except for treats and additional feed in the winter.

Even still, they know our voice. And they follow us whole-heartedly. They RUN toward us when we call, trusting completely that we will provide them with good things.

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they recognize his voice. They won’t follow a stranger; they will run from him because they don’t recognize his voice.” {John 10: 3-5}

I’m studying Nehemiah and found it interesting that, when the exiles returned to Jerusalem to start the daunting task of rebuilding the destroyed city walls, the priests were the first to begin the work. Led by Eliashib, the high priest whose name “coincidentally” means “God will restore,” they started to rebuild at the Sheep Gate.

Why the Sheep Gate? Why not fortify the supporting walls first?

The Sheep Gate was used to bring sheep into the city to the Temple for sacrifices and, by rebuilding it, the spiritual leaders focused on the priority of worship first and foremost.

This particular gate was critical to the spiritual health of the people. Later, in John, Jesus used the illustration of the Sheep Gate to present the idea of salvation through Him. He could have stopped there. He could have explained that the Temple sacrifices would soon no longer be necessary, for He would be the perfect lamb to be slain as atonement for sin.

Yet, He didn’t. He told the people (and us) that He is not only the gate for the sheep, but He is the Shepherd who will lead us with mercy. He tells us that wherever we go, we will find green pastures. We won’t need to settle for measly pockets of grass sprouting up between rocks. We will have abundance because, He tells us, His purpose is to give life in all its fullness. (John 10: 6-10)

As I sat on the porch last Sunday morning, watching the sheep run toward Dave’s joy-filled greeting, it occurred to me. We should be running toward Jesus with even more abandon than these animals are running toward the possibility of a treat and a back rub. We can trust Him for so much more – He promises abundance and life in all its fullness. And, He doesn’t say we have to wait until we reach Heaven to experience the richness He offers. We can live in the fullness here and now. Your Kingdom come, on earth as it is in Heaven.

May we embrace the call to run through the Gate toward His voice with courage fueled by simple, honest trust. Trust formed day after day, walking behind and beside Him. Trust rooted in the knowledge of His ridiculously lavish love toward us.

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is.” {Ephesians 4:18}

a much-needed break.

In the busyness of life, white space often feels illusive. Days are brimming with obligations and unread emails and making beds and renovation decisions and laundry and conference calls and soccer practice. I forget to plan ahead for dinner and find myself scrambling at the end of a long day to transform the meager contents of the fridge (grocery store runs always fall to the bottom of my list) into something edible for my family. I sign reading logs and practice math facts and ensure teeth are brushed and soap is used in the bath (why is it so difficult to remember to use soap? Is this quandary unique to my little people? Tell me it isn’t so…). I close my eye and smile as sweet voices lift up words of thankfulness for the little moments from the day before offering up innocent pleas for “a healthy baby brother” and “protection for our animals” and healing for a scratch or a sore throat or an “infection in my ear,” I kiss foreheads and tell stories and finally collapse into my own bed. Exhausted physically but so very full.

Enter, Spring Break.

The calendar for this entire week has been blissfully empty. A week specifically set aside for rest and laying down responsibilities. The weather practically showed off all week – sunshine, cool temperatures and chilly nights – perfect for exploring outside during the day and making bonfires with s’mores in the evenings.

We have had our share of sibling squabbles, please don’t envision us sitting around singing and laughing all day through. Even still, the sweet moments have far outweighed the hard ones. After being cooped up inside for the long, dreary winter months, my little people have essentially thrown on their shoes in the morning and let their imaginations lead them on outdoor adventures throughout the day. The boys worked together for two days constructing a rock pathway from the house to the lake, the girls have rehearsed their ballet performance on “stage” countless times (stage=daddy’s equipment trailer or a large rock; any flat surface will suffice), a puzzle is in constant progress on the dining table, a tree fort design has been finalized with work commencing this afternoon, fish have been beckoned with reels and turkey dogs (no luck just yet;)), and underground caverns have been explored.

As the remodel work on our house continues, and the countdown to the arrival of Baby Luke rapidly progresses (89 days to go!), I could not be more grateful for this blissful week of calm in the midst of our typically crazy lives. I feel like God has used this time to prepare my heart for the season we are poised to embark on.

As we approach the close of our chapter as a family of six, I am at peace. If I’m honest, the news of baby #5 was not met with immediate peace and exuberance. It took me a minute to wrap my mind around the fact that my plans were about to take a major detour – a miraculous one, yes – but a detour nonetheless. I had just started finding my footing again after a really hard season of raising a whole lot of really little people (4 under 4 can threaten to make a sane person rather crazy), dealing with unsettling health issues caused by extreme stress and PTSD from our traumatized daughter’s behavior and subsequent attachment disorder (that’s a whole other post for a whole other time, adoptive mommas – just know, we are in this together and it is hard and secondary trauma is very, very real but healing is possible), and feeling whole again as I started to work more consistently and write and take up running again. All the things I had placed on the back-burner for a few years were, once again, bubbling at the surface and allowing me to feel like my old self.

Charlotte will be starting kindergarten in the fall (somebody hold me). While I know I will be crying in a corner missing my little sidekick for a day or two (or three), I also had big plans for the new freedoms this would allow in my schedule. I could once again work at a more full-time pace and actually put my butt in the chair and start writing the book I have had swirling around in my mind for a couple of years. I considered training again for another long distance race (considered being the key word here;)) and started regularly attending a physically and emotionally rewarding pilates class. Dave and I started planning and dreaming about spending the summer back in our beloved South Africa and Zimbabwe as a family.

The VERY unexpected two pink lines threw a rather large kink in my nicely laid plans. I may or may not have marched outside, stick in hand, to find Dave and lay the news on him. I walked out of the garage just as he was headed back inside and, as we intersected on the driveway, I took the opportunity to kindly relay the wonderful news to him in the form of a stick thrown to his forehead.

It was not my finest moment.

He reacted in the calm, cool, level-headed way he always does while I sat in the driveway and cried for thirty minutes.

I’m so sorry, Luke. If you read these words one day, know that you are loved beyond measure and God has big, big plans for your life. He knew that despite my own selfishness, your life is the best gift He could have ever given our family. Your life was planned for this exact moment in the timeline of history. I may have not had you on my radar for 2019 but, goodness gracious, God did. And, God’s plans and timing are perfect and far greater than my own silly plans to run or work (two things I don’t even really like to do all that much;)) or “get my life back” – a lie straight from the enemy. My life has always been carefully and preciously held in the hands of my Father. And, even more importantly, my dreams have been shaped by God’s desires and are exceedingly better than they ever were ten years ago – before I had this loud, crazy, beautiful family of mine.

I may feel too old to start over again. I may feel ill-equipped to manage the emotions and spiritual development and laundry and school registration forms of five little people. I may feel overwhelmed some days with the sheer amount of stuff we continually accumulate and sort through and donate. I may feel completely insufficient at remembering preschool snack days or keeping all the school dress-up days straight or remembering to attend the 10:00 ballet class on Tuesday mornings consistently.

BUT, God.

He knows these five little loves of mine don’t need an organized momma or a momma who greets them after school with freshly-baked-from-scratch cookies or a momma who gets it right all the time and never has to apologize for her bad attitude or unkind words.

He knows they need a momma who loves them with a ferocity that could take on the very legions of hell. He knows they need a momma who will stand with them and be there for them no matter what life throws their way. He knows they need a momma who can’t “juggle it all” or live up to the standards of the world because she knows her need for Jesus and knows she is nothing in her own strength. He knows they need a momma to show them the upside-down Kingdom of God. He knows they need a momma who lives life with her plans surrendered in hopeful expectation of all God has in store. He knows they need a momma to teach them about life’s detours and the goodness of God in the midst of every unexpected turn.

He knows.

And, as we take our steps toward a new season as a family of seven, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I find myself awestruck that God would give so many good gifts to little ole’ me, someone who messes up all the time and is ridiculously undeserving.

And, I think that’s the whole point. To make a regular habit of pausing, taking an inventory of my many gifts from above and to offer up praise to the bestower of each and every one.