Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

Sunday is on the way.

This morning, I read the post I wrote on Good Friday a year ago. At that time, our daughter was sick and I sat here, broken, aching to be there.

Here I am. Another year has passed and I’m still half a world away. And, once again, I’m broken and aching to be there holding her. Friends visiting have told me she isn’t feeling well again. I can hardly wrap my mind around any of this pain. Knowing all of the moments that I am missing out on… the mundane and the beautiful moments of parenting. All of them, out of my grasp.

My words from last year ring just as true today…

“On this, the darkest day in the history of mankind, I am feeling utterly broken. I am longing for my Jesus like never before.

As we place the cross on our Lent tree and reflect on His sacrifice, I sit speechless and raw before my King.

Today, our daughter is sick half a world away. She was diagnosed with severe malaria, typhoid fever, giardia and a respiratory infection. I am immensely grateful that she is in a hospital where she will receive treatment for at least the next three days before returning to her orphanage. Yet, I am helpless to comfort her. I am helpless to care for her. I am helpless to calm her fears. My heart is aching and shattered.

Today, I have glimpsed a unique component of the crucifixion story. I can identify like never before with the heart of Mary. As she watched on as her perfect and spotless son was tortured and crucified, I can only imagine that she was helpless, aching, and shattered. She knew since that first meeting with the angel, that this day would come. She knew He was never really hers. She knew He was the Son of God, the Savior and King for all. Yet, her heart was that of a momma. I can assume that her heart looked on with fierce love as her baby was hurting and her arms longed to reach out and wrap Him in her embrace. To provide comfort. To protect Him from the pain.

I have sat in transfixed awe as my Jesus has shown me the beauty of His love over and over again during the course of this adoption. He has shown me that I can love someone not of my flesh with every fiber of my being. He has shown me that His heart breaks with the oppressed. He has shown me that He can make all things beautiful and He can heal brokenness and pain. He has shown me that He defends justice and mercy. He has shown me that His love for me is given freely. He has shown me that I am His daughter, adopted into the family of Christ. And, today, He has shown me that the hurt and the pain of this day is as fresh and real today as it was two thousand years ago.

I have these words from my Savior on my heart today…

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” {John 17: 33}

“I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” {John 17: 15; emphasis mine}

I’m reminded that, like those who sat at the table breaking bread with their teacher and friend dumbfounded as He tried to explain that He would be poured out for them, I am unable to see beyond the hurt. I cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end {Ecclesiastes 4:11}.

Therefore, all of my hope rests in the One who poured out His own life as an offering to cover my sins, my brokenness, my hurt.

My hope. My Savior. My King.”

Every fear and sorrow of Friday became tears of joy on Sunday, so if your life feels like a dark Friday, hang on, Sunday is on the way. – Jennifer Rothschild

still fighting.

As I reflect back on the past couple of weeks, I am in awe. The outpouring of love, support and encouragement from so many has truly strengthened my weary heart. Prayers on behalf of our daughter have reached God’s ears from all over this globe. I am immensely grateful and hopeful that all of this work will bring awareness and a solution to bring her home to our waiting arms. 

This message to waiting families from Kelly with Both Ends Burning (leading the advocacy campaign) sums up the hard work of the past two weeks: 

CONGRATULATIONS! What you have accomplished in less than ten days is nothing short of spectacular! Over 100,000 letters to Congress were sent for your children. It appears as many as 200 members of Congress are stepping forward to extend a hand to the President and Prime Minister of DRC to seek a solution to whatever it is that stands between you and your children. You all became the news in over 20 markets, and more stories are coming every day. For the first time in the history of my work in this field, members of Congress are reaching out to me to see what they can do to help you be united with your children. 

On Monday, we were interviewed by our local news station about our story. The sweet reporter called and asked if “we could talk this afternoon.” Thinking she wanted to talk on the phone, I agreed. Thankfully, I clarified asking if she meant “talk in person – as in, on camera” and she said yes and that she would be at our house in about an hour. 

Y’all. I was a mess. I had been doing laundry and unpacking (the never-ending supply of) boxes all day. I called Dave frantically leaving messages and texts to COME HOME NOW. His brother finally got in touch with him (he was working on some piece of equipment and didn’t hear my calls) and he came right home to save the day and clean the house while I showered. 

{Important side-note and lesson learned: we clearly need to practice our emergency procedures – I could have been in labor}!

You can view the story HERE. I wish they would have shared the petition to Congress so folks watching had a specific way to help do something. Yet, I think they did a great job editing down our hour and a half of talking and crying into a short segment.

{Another side-note; I fully realize that I don’t actually look pregnant because of the strange way I’m sitting – could someone had told me to sit up straight, would that have been too much to ask?? I’m sure people watching thought I had just been under so much stress this past year and a half that I’ve taken up competitive beer drinking, hence the beer gut. To clarify, that is not the case. I’m actually growing a human here}. 

Then, after all of this good news and momentum, we were knocked off our feet with really shocking news yesterday. There was a delegation from DRC headed to the US this week and next to meet with our government, as well as families and children that are home. We found out yesterday that the delegation trip was canceled. There are rumors as to why and what happens next but it is all speculation at this point. I am feeling a supernatural peace about this news. I’m praying that this is God’s hand and He will turn this surprising news into something good. He isn’t surprised, He knew this would happen all along. He has a bigger plan and He is working. 

More than ever, I know that we are not fighting against flesh and blood in this battle. There are innocent lives caught in the middle of a power struggle with the ‘spiritual forces in the heavenly places’. 

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. …” {Ephesians 6:10-18 ESV}

Please continue to pray fervently with us for all of the children growing up thousands of miles away from the love a family. Pray for their little hearts as they wait. This wait is hard on us but there is no comparing the pain of a parent longing for their child to the pain of a child longing for a parent. Please pray that the wait is coming to an end very soon.

weekend links.

A couple of links that are too good not to share…  

This post from ‘the Nester’.

Source

She basically went into my head and wrote my thoughts down on her blog. I’m not entirely sure how she managed this but she did it. Practically word for word. This is where we are with this crazy farmhouse renovation and staring imperfection in the face all day, every day. Yet, we are choosing to embrace the beauty and the joy. We are inviting friends over to hunt down the beauty alongside us.

“I have never had to stare imperfection in my home in the face more than I am right now in this mess of a fixer upper that we bought. Apparently, I’m not done learning to live with the imperfect, the undone, the slow change. 

What does being okay with our imperfect, beautiful, potential filled mess look like in real life? 

For me, it looks like inviting people into the midst of the mess.“

Source
————————————————————————————————————————–

This video I viewed at my recent retreat. Powerful, powerful words by author Brene Brown.

My heart found rest in her words. Particularly as I try to make sense of why we are still separated from our daughter.

The thing is, I believe God turns everything for good. I trust that He is sovereign. I trust that His timing is perfect. Yet, I also know that we live in a fallen, broken world. And, I know that my Jesus is weeping with us. He will take this pain and redeem all that has been lost. Even still, He did not orchestrate or author this pain. In His perfect plan, she would never have been made an orphan in the first place.

“Be assured that God is grieving today. God is weeping too.

…That changes everything.” 

Happy weekend, friends!

holding onto hope in the wait.

The past week has been a whirlwind. I can’t thank you all enough for joining us in this rally cry to get our daughter home. The support and encouragement has been amazing and humbling. I’ve been moved to tears many times in response to the outpouring of love this past week.

It has also been an incredibly stressful week. I’ve been glued to my computer and phone waiting for updates and next steps to be announced. Emails, phone calls, text messages, and status updates have been all-consuming.

Unfortunately, I’ve received my fair share of hateful remarks and spam comments from complete strangers with absolutely no regard for the truth or the facts. They are simply using this campaign for justice and twisting it to fit their personal agenda full of propaganda and lies. I wish I could say that the comments and the “shares” that have included my name and my daughter’s name didn’t bother me, that I shook them off and kept pushing forward. But, I can’t say that. The words rattled me and shook at my resolve. I wanted to turn the computer off and go into hiding. I wanted to stay silent and be left alone.

To be perfectly honest, I am exhausted. I am weary. I am so hopeful that this advocacy will make a difference yet I’m ready to be done. I’m ready for mundane moments of normalcy with my family… my complete family…moments that don’t require a ‘call to action’ or a political campaign. I just want to tuck ALL of my children in at night. I want to wash the extra set of dishes. I want to wipe another snotty nose and dry more tears and kiss my daughter’s boo-boos. That may sound completely crazy {who would ask for extra dishes or extra laundry or another snotty nose to wipe?!} but that’s where I am. Craving normal.

Which is why, I decided to step away this past weekend and attend our church’s women’s retreat in the middle of nowhere- with no cell service or access to internet. Just peace and stillness.

These signs marked one of the trails on the property. Beautiful reminders from a loving God. 

I even hauled my eight-month preggo self onto a bunk bed to sleep. If that isn’t proof that I needed some time away, I don’t know what is. {My sweet roomies did give me the bottom bunk and the only full bed in the cabin. Bless them}.

The theme for the weekend? All Things New.

He Makes All Things New.

It was a powerful message for my aching, longing, weary heart. The teachings were rich, the community was refreshing, the worship was passionate.

Amber Haines spoke on Friday night and her message centered on holding onto Hope in the wait. Umm. Yeah. Sort of what I needed to hear right now.

The thing is, “the wait” {no matter what it is that you are waiting for… an adoption, a pregnancy, physical healing, financial burdens to be lifted, a marriage to be restored… whatever “it” is) is dreary and long and we can become impatient easily. That impatience leads to a loss of hope. We start to turn our gaze away from the One who sustains us.

I’ve seen this play out over the past year and a half many times in my own life. When I take my eyes off of Jesus and His promises and I place them on the obstacles, the “what if’s,” or the failures, I lose hope. Even when I know, I trust, that He is good and He is working. Because, sometimes, in the wait, it feels like nothing is getting done. I look around at my circumstances and I don’t see the change I have been praying so desperately for. I doubt. I wonder if God hears me. I try to make sense of what is happening with human logic. I look to the efforts of man instead of the ability of God.

Amber said something very powerful in her message, “Every time we are being asked to wait, we are being asked to look to Jesus. To move toward Him – believing in the unseen.”

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
{Hebrews 11:1}

Faith is in the unseen. 

The miracle? Oh, it’s hard to admit this but I don’t need the miracle in order to hold onto Hope. 

I need to fix my eyes on Him and trust and wait full of His Hope. I can rest in knowing that my faith isn’t too weak or too small. I didn’t cause this. Even though this hurts and He weeps with me, He is using this to draw me closer, allowing me to endure my cross in order to reach the Hope set before me. He loves me. He knows my pain. He hears my prayers and catches my tears. This wait isn’t a punishment. He is working even when I can’t see it. 

After Amber spoke, a sweet, sweet moment with my Abba Father occurred. I felt a gentle nudge to turn to Psalm 40. As the words soaked into my heart, I realized that the worship team was singing a song I had never heard before. I lifted my eyes to the screen and saw the words being sung displayed… 

I waited patiently for
the Lord;
    he
turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy
pit,
    out
of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and
gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my
mouth,
    a
hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
the Lord

    and
put their trust in him.



Psalm 40: 1- 3. 

The exact verses I had been reading were being sung over me. 

For the Lord your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm your fears. He will exalt over you by singing a happy song. {Zephaniah 3:17}

I pray that whomever reads these words is encouraged today. And, you are able to hold onto another reminder from Amber’s message that seeped into my heart…


“Winter always comes before Spring. Every time.”