Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

gratitude changes everything.

this year, more than ever before, thanksgiving isn’t a day of gorging ourselves and planning black Friday shopping routes. it is a day of gratitude. a day to be thankful for abundant blessings, especially for the truth that His mercies are anew each morning.

if i would have written this post yesterday, it would have been written from a place of emptiness and sorrow. i would’ve shared hollow words of gratitude – i wouldn’t have been able to offer up praise for all of the good gifts He has blessed me with in this crazy ride called life.

yesterday, i could’ve said thank you. but, my heart felt empty. my heart didn’t really want to say thank you. my heart wanted to sit on the couch and cry. alone. i didn’t want to be surrounded by family and friends full of holiday cheer. i wanted to wallow and be angry at the injustices in this world. i wanted to remind everyone that my daughter isn’t here to sit with us around this table. to eat this food that requires an afternoon nap afterward. she isn’t here. and, that is not fair.

but, today. today He has given me the grace i prayed desperately for.

i woke up from an incredibly realistic dream where i was holding my girl. we were playing hide and seek and she was laughing and smiling. i woke up missing her so very much. aching. crying out to Him, i cannot do this anymore! i miss her so much. please…make a way where i can’t see one.

and, then He whispered to my heart… she is mine. I am holding her near. for now, dear one, listen…

i did.

i listened. i heard the sweet sounds of giggles and footsteps running down the hall. these two boys. this loving, kind husband and father who knew that i needed to sleep in this morning. the three of them making breakfast, laughing together.

His mercies are new each morning. this morning, i can be thankful for all that He has done for our family. all of the miracles we have witnessed. profound, life-changing miracles. and, for the small miracles that unfold each day…the moments. the memories. the simple joys of this life.

this story that He continues to author is not my own.

despite the fact that i do not know the ending – i don’t even know what is on the next page – i can be thankful for my abundant blessings and the awesome surprises and the incredible joy that i am promised is yet to come.

nothing is wasted.

Dave and I spent Sunday night listening to Steven Curtis Chapman sing and share his family’s incredible journey… it was an awesome night and so encouraging.

Dave was incredibly impressed that I only cried once the entire time…during a video of Show Hope families uniting with their adopted kiddos. It was hard to watch all of those “airport moments” — the one we are so longing for — without tearing up.

So, I have to share another song with you all today. I don’t know why this blog is turning into a radio station lately but it just is. 🙂 I had never heard Jason Gray’s song, Nothing is Wasted, before Sunday night’s concert where he also performed.

Oh. It is good. There are so many of us walking through a valley right now. Hardships and heartaches seem to abound right now. No matter what you are enduring, this song will likely speak to your heart, as it did mine. It is such an awesome reminder that all of this will be redeemed. God will use all of it for good. No tear shed has gone unnoticed, my friends. None of this sorrow is wasted.

“Nothing Is Wasted”

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

(Bridge)
When hope is more than you can bear
And it’s too hard to believe it could be true
And your strength fails you halfway there
You can lean on me and I’ll believe for you
And in time you will believe it too

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
Sometimes we are waiting
In sorrow we have tasted
But joy will replace it
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted 

Hope.

Last night, a dear friend cried with me and spoke beautiful truths. I don’t want to forget her words. They resonated so deeply and sunk into the recesses of my heart, the places where the light of hope had diminished.

She reminded me that our God is HOPE. That is His very nature. Therefore, I can continue to hold onto HOPE. I need to rebuke the lies of the enemy telling me that it is impossible for S to come home this year. Nothing is impossible for God. And, even if, even if, she isn’t home in the next month or the month after that or after that…even then, I can hold onto hope. He will give me grace and strength to make it through each and every day. I need to take one day at a time and hold onto Him in each moment of waiting.

She will come home. God led us here. God led us to our daughter and He will not forsake us now.

We are a family. Even if I’m not the one who tucks her in at night, she is my daughter. She is Dave’s baby girl. She is Ben and Nathan’s sister. We are a family. Now. We can hold onto that. We don’t have to live in a state of constantly looking ahead and wishing for a time when we are all together. We can embrace these moments now. Knowing that God is knitting our hearts together.

*********************************

And, you know what? God gave me the sweetest gifts over the past couple of days…

I learned that S had pointed to a photo of me in her album and said, “mama” and then pointed to Dave and said, “papa.” It seems like such a small thing. But, oh my heart. To learn this – that she recognized her mama and daddy – made my heart swell with joy. I’ve prayed so many times for God to prepare her little heart to become part of our family and I believe this was proof that He is at work.

And, yesterday, Ben built a tower for “S” with legos and told me she could play with it when she gets home. We took a photo to send to her…

And, then, we saw this…

They were thrilled to see her looking at the photo of Ben! {oh, yes, and Nathan cut his own hair the other day…resulting in a shaved head…details}.

Pure sweetness. Brothers and sisters connecting across the globe.

Hearts being knit together.

Please, Jesus. Move the mountains before us to bring our daughter home!!!!!

sovereign

On Wednesday, the US Embassy in Kinshasa held a conference call for adoptive parents to help clarify what to anticipate in terms of this exit permit suspension. Of course, they were not able to tell us much more than what we already knew. This decision is not one that can be swayed by the American government.

As our agency stated in a summary email after the call {in regards to cases like ours}, “it means that your case will continue to progress until it is
time for the exit permit and then you will unfortunately go into a “holding
pattern” until the situation is resolved.” And, according to the Embassy officials, the suspension will likely last the full 12 months.

 

The past few days have been hard. The little light of hope I had been holding on to that this suspension would be short lived and our daughter would be home before the year’s end has been diminished.

I know, I fully trust, that God is bigger than any government decision and I know, I fully trust, that God could overturn this suspension in a mere moment.

But, I am human. My heart is quite literally crushed. Getting out of bed in the morning seems like an insurmountable feat at this point. In my darkest moments, I’d admit that I cannot continue to hold out hope that this suspension will be short-lived. Because, the reality is, I am trying to guard my heart.

I am taking a break from social media…I’m taking a break from anything and everything that exerts extra energy. I need to reserve my energy for my husband and these two precious boys under my roof. I need to be here for them.

Meanwhile, I’m trusting God to work all of this out for good. I’m trusting the One who has held our daughter in His hands before we ever knew her.

Y’all know music speaks to my soul and gives my heart words to cry out when my well has run dry. Wednesday afternoon, after my mother-in-law mercifully came over to watch the boys for a couple of hours so that I could get out of the house and cry and pray alone, I listened to Chris Tomlin’s song, Sovereign, over and over and over. I sang along with the words and have repeated them out loud continually since. Such truth. I have let these truths wash over my heart and I am thankful that God can be trusted and He has not left our family for a moment.

My favorite verse… In your never failing love, You work everything for good, God whatever comes my way, I will trust you…

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

Please continue to pray for a miracle with us.