Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

in the dark.

On this, the darkest day in the history of mankind, I am feeling utterly broken. I am longing for my Jesus like never before.

As we place the cross on our Lent tree and reflect on His sacrifice, I sit speechless and raw before my King.

Today, our daughter is sick half a world away. She was diagnosed with severe malaria, typhoid fever, giardia and a respiratory infection. I am immensely grateful that she is in a hospital where she will receive treatment for at least the next three days before returning to her orphanage. Yet, I am helpless to comfort her. I am helpless to care for her. I am helpless to calm her fears. My heart is aching and shattered.

Today, I have glimpsed a unique component of the crucifixion story. I can identify like never before with the heart of Mary. As she watched on as her perfect and spotless son was tortured and crucified, I can only imagine that she was helpless, aching, and shattered. She knew since that first meeting with the angel, that this day would come. She knew He was never really hers. She knew He was the Son of God, the Savior and King for all. Yet, her heart was that of a momma. I can assume that her heart looked on with fierce love as her baby was hurting and her arms longed to reach out and wrap Him in her embrace. To provide comfort. To protect Him from the pain.

I have sat in transfixed awe as my Jesus has shown me the beauty of His love over and over again during the course of this adoption. He has shown me that I can love someone not of my flesh with every fiber of my being. He has shown me that His heart breaks with the oppressed. He has shown me that He can make all things beautiful and He can heal brokenness and pain. He has shown me that He defends justice and mercy. He has shown me that His love for me is given freely. He has shown me that I am His daughter, adopted into the family of Christ. And, today, He has shown me that the hurt and the pain of this day is as fresh and real today as it was two thousand years ago.

I have these words from my Savior on my heart today…

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” {John 17: 33}

“I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” {John 17: 15; emphasis mine}

I’m reminded that, like those who sat at the table breaking bread with their teacher and friend dumbfounded as He tried to explain that He would be poured out for them, I am unable to see beyond the hurt. I cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end {Ecclesiastes 4:11}.

Therefore, all of my hope rests in the One who poured out His own life as an offering to cover my sins, my brokenness, my hurt.

My hope. My Savior. My King.

Every fear and sorrow of Friday became tears of joy on Sunday, so if your life feels like a dark Friday, hang on, Sunday is on the way. – Jennifer Rothschild

amazing news!

It’s snowing outside. Big, gorgeous white snowflakes.

So unexpected after the warm weekend we just had. Hard to believe we were out working in our garden four days ago…

As I sit by the warmth of the fire and watch the flakes fall silently to the ground, I’m reminded of the magnificent words God spoke to Job {chapter 38} in order to draw his eyes away from his present suffering and up to the grandeur of God. God demonstrates that His wisdom and power are far beyond a human being’s comprehension.

4“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?
8“Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12“Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16“Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19“What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
22“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?
24What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
28Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?
29From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?
31“Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades?
Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
or lead out the Bear with its cubs?
33Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God’s dominion over the earth?

And, here I am. Questioning how big God is. Questioning why He is allowing such suffering. Questioning why our road to our daughter has been so long and full of heartache. 
And, I’m reminded that the very same God who keeps a storehouse of snow and blankets the earth with it’s majestic beauty is the very same God who holds our daughter close. 

Last night, I updated our adoption journey page and reflected back on all that God has done to refine my heart in this process. I melted in gratitude for each and every step we have walked on this journey.  He has never left our side. He has remained faithful. 

a photo I snapped during our last winter storm. 
a perfect example of the beautiful handiwork of our majestic God. 
Creator of the universe.
My first prayer this morning was to hear from Sheena today. I haven’t heard from her in days and I felt myself beginning to slip into fear. I asked for encouragement and a glimpse of how He is at work.
Oh, how good our God is… 

At 10:58 am, I received a phone call from Sheena with wonderful news. Sheena had visited S and she was looking much healthier than during her last visit two weeks ago.


She no longer had a fever. 


She drank two bottles of formula and took an entire dose of vitamins and iron. 


She was wearing one of the outfits and the shoes we sent in her care package. The shoes were much too big but the shirt and skirt fit {size 18 months}.


She can crawl and stand on her own. She isn’t walking yet {praying we are able to witness her first steps!}


She is being loved on and cared for by one of the older girls in the orphanage who, at one point when S was crying, picked her up and spoke to her and calmed her down easily. She likely now sleeps next to this older girl, as she used to be bunk mates with Shelby. 


She smiled at the older girl. 


She is 29″ tall. Her chest is 19″ around. Her feet are 4 1/2″ in length.


She is quiet. 

All of these details! Little treasures sealed away in my heart.

And, the most incredible news of all, God answered our prayers and S’s paperwork is now in the hands of our Power of Attorney to be submitted to guardianship court. Sheena believes our case will go to court tomorrow.

After all these months of prayer, we could be S’s legal parents in 31 days!!!!!!!!!!!

Will you join me in praying that our case is reviewed in court tomorrow? If so, we will enter into the 30 day waiting period before receiving our Certificate of No Appeal and deemed S’s legal parents. 
Thank you, God!!!! 

I know He is at work and He is working with and through our angel of a friend, Sheena. We are so blessed and grateful!

Sixteen photos and two videos arrived in my inbox after we hung up the phone. Sixteen photos of our gorgeous, perfect daughter. Sixteen photos and two videos full of details to memorize.

A few of my absolute favorites… {I cannot wait to take the hearts off of these photos so you can see how stinkin’ adorable and perfect she is!!!}

Praising the One who spoke the universe into existence and loves me enough to shower me with hope and encouragement today!

weekend smiles.

A few things that made me smile this weekend…
1. This dinner plus the most delicious homemade bread of all time. {Three of my Seven foods. Eaten alfresco. Awww…spring}. 

2. These hard workers helping daddy prep our garden {they had to take off their shirts to work. I don’t know why. It’s a boy thing}.

3. This look: halloween pajamas, drill and safety goggles. {Why would anyone consider wearing anything else to the grocery store with daddy}? 

4. This reminder during a much needed run. {These trees are bare and bleak but spring is coming and new life will be blooming soon. Much like the seasons in our life. Ecclesiastes 3:1}.

5. Fort construction chaos and giggles. 

fearless. part 2.

**catch up with fearless: part 1 here. 

I wanted to take a moment to expand upon Jen Hatmaker’s message at the Fearless Conference regarding rest.

It’s funny. I was looking back at posts from this time last year and I found posts about the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess and the concept of the Sabbath and the need for reducing the excess stuff in our lives in order to allow more of God’s kingdom to flow into the empty space {go on, take a walk down memory lane with me…here, and here and here}.

And, then, this past weekend, Jen reminds us of the need for the Sabbath. The need for restoration through rest. The need for spiritual nourishment.

“Spiritual nourishment is perishable. It’s good only for that day.” – Jen Hatmaker

Dave and I have false started many times with the implementation of a Sabbath in our lives. We have tried to protect just one day a week for rest and worship. We have even tried to deem one weekend each month Family Weekend.

We have tried.

Yet, we continually allow commitments and projects and deadlines to creep into that space. We continually allow the boundaries to come down and make exceptions for productivity. And, before we know it, we have long-forgotten about the sacredness of rest as a family.

It happens so innocently. Still, it happens again and again. We find ourselves coming up for air in the midst of the chaos of commitments and obligations and wonder how we found ourselves back here with this unquenchable thirst and need for refreshment.


Jen gently reminded us this weekend that at the very beginning of creation, God did not bless the day He created the heavens and the earth. Or the day He created the sky or the land or the sea. He didn’t bless the day He created fish or birds or all the animals on the earth. He didn’t even bless the day He created people in His own image.

Then, on the day when God rested from all of His work,  He “blessed the seventh day and declared it holy” {Genesis 2:3, emphasis mine}.

The day of rest was His very first blessing in history.

This day of rest is for us. It is a gift. It is precious and holy.

Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made to benefit people, and not people to benefit the Sabbath.” {Mark 2:27}

Therefore, Dave and I have committed to work deliberately in advance of this day. We will be fiercely protective of this day and draw boundaries to allow for our family to experience the blessings associated with a day that allows for our depleted cups to be filled once again. A day that allows for our focus to once again be moved to what is truly important. A day that allows for memories and laughter and joy to be created. A day that allows for moments of stillness. A day that allows us to push the pause button on the busyness and distractions and preoccupations that consume our energy.

A day that allows us to participate in the fullness of this life in the way that Christ longs for all of us to experience.

A day that allows more time together as a family. Outside. Laughing. Exploring. Worshipping our Mighty King of Kings.

Jen made an awesome analogy on Saturday. She compared parenting to a cup with a hole in the bottom. As parents, we continually pour in love and hope and courage and patience throughout each day. And this cup has to replenished.

There is no denying that we will grow weary without the sustenance that only our Savior can provide. Particularly if you have two toddler boys with a lot of energy and a stubborn streak inherited from their daddy {yep, I’m passing the blame here}. Especially then.

{I also love this post from The Tiny Twig …she talks about turning off our screens on the weekends. You should check it out if you’re looking for practical ways to be present}.