perspective.

My world stopped spinning this morning as I willed myself to breathe. Everything moved in slow motion as I dialed Dave to tell him that my concerns were validated by the doctor.

She had ordered additional tests.

Initially, she warned me that if further diagnostic testing was needed, it wouldn’t take place for at least a month based on current scheduling timeframes. After the exam, she made a call and informed me that I was scheduled to go in for tests in one hour. Not in a month. I was to get in my car, go home, kiss my boys, and drive to the hospital. For not one test, but two. To be sure.

I called my mom. Then, I allowed myself to cry for about five minutes {maybe ten} before I turned my radio up and sang along to worship music. It was as though I heard the words for the very first time.

My God is greater.
My God is stronger.
Our God is Healer. Awesome and power. 

I prayed and prayed and prayed. And, as I received my medical bracelet and was shown to my room, I felt peaceful.

After I had been fully groped and smashed in machines, the sweet, gentle, kind nurse told me that the radiologist would review everything and I would know something before I left. I could not believe it. I had been told to be prepared to wait a week on the test results. I was grateful that I wouldn’t have to wait in uncertainty.

And, the absolute best news came … I was healthy. The tissue was normal.

It was not cancer.

There are no words to adequately describe that moment. Overwhelmingly thankful. Grateful. Blessed. Relieved. 

I’m praising God for a renewed perspective on my blessings and what is {and what is not} important. This life is so short and filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns. And, when it is all on the line, even for a moment, what it all comes down to is love. Who you love and how you love. 

I’m choosing to love big. I’m choosing to learn from this scare and commit to pouring myself out to those around me. My boys. My husband. My family. My friends. The girl at the check-out. The man at the post office. My neighbor. All of them.

It’s hard to do. Life is messy. Life is hard. Real life happens in the between the moments of thankfulness and quiet and solitude. That is why I’m writing this down. As a commitment and a reminder to myself. This is important. This happened today for my good. I believe all things work for the good of those who love God. He is using this to shape my heart and show me how vast His love is for me.

I’m picking myself up and getting on with life. I’m breathing deeply. Big, full breaths rich in gratitude.

Tonight, my house is still and all of my boys are sleeping soundly upstairs, I’m sitting in front of a roaring fire, sipping my favorite cinnamon spice tea from my favorite snowman mug. I’m counting my blessings and I’m soaking in truths about my God’s promises.

I’m also praising God for His provisions. Earlier this evening, I sorted through the first round of donations that we will send to our girl’s orphanage. I am humbled by the outpouring of love for our precious girl and her friends. Truly, truly incredible.

Album for our S 🙂

Sweet dolls and vTech recordable photo album for our girl. We each recorded a message for her. Her brothers sound beyond adorable telling her they love her and want her to come home soon.

Formula, medicine, vitamins, nutritious snacks, diapers, bottles, toothbrushes, lotions, diaper creme…all headed to a little orphanage in central Africa soon.

With much love and gratitude tonight,