resting in His promises.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and prayers and tears and joy and confusion. I really don’t want to get into any of the details on here but I do want to share a little bit about what we have experienced this week on this emotional rollercoaster ride in this world of adoption.

The short story is this: we saw a little girl’s face who was orphaned and in a place where she is at risk. Our hearts were stirred {stirred is a nice, easy word but it’s not the right one…I don’t know what the right one is – broken, shattered, wrecked?} as we gazed into her big, brown eyes. We memorized her features and imagined holding her in our arms. Her button nose and pinchable cheeks tugged at our hearts.

We prayed.

We prayed. We begged. We pleaded. We cried out. We asked for discernment and clarity. Is this our daughter, Lord? Is she the one we have been waiting for? Why are we seeing her face? Are you asking us to move? Are you asking us to bring her home? Why are we feeling such unease and caution?

We prayed and begged and pleaded for her. For her safety. For her well-being. For her heart. We continue to do so.  I keep praying for the gates of Heaven to send forth angels of protection to surround her in the days and months to come.

We were uneasy and anxious with the situation. We felt led to her but we also felt God asking us to wait. I begged Him to clearly, undeniably show us what He wanted from us. We feared misinterpreting His call and His will.

He led us to incredible families who knew more about this situation than us. We knew nothing about her country’s adoption program, her orphanage or the agency representing her. God placed people in our path over the past 24 hours that have held our hands {figuratively}, listened, advised, and encouraged. They shared their hearts and their hard journeys. They didn’t sugar coat the situation and they gave us information that overwhelmed and burdened us. But, we are so grateful. Although, I haven’t slept in days and am in tears constantly, I know that this information was necessary. It was hard to process and it is hard to understand and comprehend. It’s hard to fathom, honestly.

I kept praying for God to lead Dave so that I could have peace that we are on the same page and know that God was working and that we weren’t simply trying to control and force the situation to work in our favor.

And, He did. He is faithful. He knew that I could NEVER, ever, ever make this decision on my own. He knew that I couldn’t walk away. I can’t. I can’t make the call to the agency to tell them that we are going to stay on our current course. Dave can and will lead us. We both ache but are peaceful with this decision to stop and to trust.

We know, we believe, we have FAITH that, even this, will be made beautiful. God is sovereign. He is always, always good. He has gone before us and knows where this path will lead.

We can’t see it. We don’t know what is ahead or why this precious little girl has become part of our story. We will pray for her and her forever family and pray that God uses the work He is doing in our lives to glorify Him. That is all we can ask for and all we are promised. To be loved. To be held. To never be forsaken. Even in our hurt and confusion and heartache.

I rest in the promise of my most favorite verse…”There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for awhile.” {1 Peter 1:6}