Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

It is official!!!!!

As shocking as this sounds {yep, that’s sarcasm, folks}, we had one more minor snag in our paperwork last week.

After running around like a crazy person getting all of our documents re-notarized before we left for our trip, I was only concerned with checking the new notary expiration date. Which explains how I forgot to make sure Dave signed his medical form. {AH!} Or, that’s what I tell myself to make me feel slightly less unorganized.

Our case manager had to mail the form back to us in Florida where we were on vacation for Dave to sign and return. It literally arrived at the last minute – we were driving out to the airport when the mailman delivered the much anticipated envelope yesterday afternoon. Dave quickly signed it and we sent it off again to Oregon!

I’ve spent more money in shipping these envelopes lately. It’s a little ridiculous…

That little envelope was the finishing touch on seven months of paperwork drudgery!

We are SO excited to announce that…drumroll please…

We are OFFICIALLY on the WAIT LIST!!!!

Our very first wait list numbers…

Yes, there are three numbers. I didn’t just get carried away with my colored chalk…

We were originally only going to be on the “girl” list until we felt God’s stirring to be added to the “sibling” list. Then, we were surprised today when our case worker gave us our official numbers that included a “boy” list number. Our home study parameter wording indicated we should be on all three lists. We considered removing ourselves from the “boy” list but we prayed for clarity … which led us to stay on all three lists.

Yes, this means we could bringing home a little girl OR a little boy OR a girl and a boy OR a girl and a girl OR a boy and a boy.

Got all that?

Everyone keeps asking when we will be adding the newest member to the Marrs clan. The answer is a little complicated. Our agency is estimating current wait times to be approximately 22 months from this point until we receive a referral. There are so many unknowns with the program but this helps us to get a general idea of how long it may take to see our newest child’s face for the first time.

It seems like a daunting wait but we are thrilled to have made it to this step. We know that God will sustain us during the wait. He will provide grace and patience and spiritual growth as He draws us closer during this time {and I’m sure there will be many moments of doubt and impatience and very ungraceful behavior which is why I’m praying for His constant presence}.

As my friend, Debbie, reminded me…22 months is also the gestational period for an elephant. So, it’s basically like I’m I’m pregnant with an elephant. Hmm…maybe not the best analogy. 🙂

Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes! Please keep them coming. Keep praying for our future daughter or son or daughter and son or son and son or daughter and daughter. I’m sorry – I have to figure out a better way to state that, don’t I?! 🙂

We. Are. SOOOOOOO. EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

With much love,
Dave, Jenny, Ben & Nathan

One Step Closer!!!

To do on Saturday morning: a visit to the farmer’s market.

That was our agenda for the morning. No other plans. Just a leisurely-spent morning sipping coffee and walking a few blocks to the downtown square to buy fresh blueberries and strawberries {which we ate the majority of before we made it home} and a new planter with fresh herbs.

A calm, relaxing, quiet morning.

The weather was perfect – cool and sunny.

We even stopped by our dear neighbor’s house on the way home so the boys could see her pet turtle and pick raspberries in her patch out back. She is the sweetest lady in the world. Ms. Betty. She has to be in her late 70’s and we saw her on our walk home riding her bike {!} to pick dandelions for her turtle’s lunch. She invited us over and we just enjoyed her company. She told us more about her life and her family. It was fascinating. We weren’t rushed to be anywhere so we just visited with her and soaked up the uninterrupted time together. Times like that are few and far between in our hurried and busy lives.

I thought there was nothing that could have made this day begin any more perfectly.

Until we arrived home.

I noticed we had mail and, as soon as I saw the packet from Dillon, our home study agency, I was overcome with a combination of joy and panic.

Joy because I had been waiting for this packet to come for weeks. It was our final, approved and notarized home study.

Panic because I thought it would arrive on Monday or Tuesday. I wasn’t prepared. I had left our I-600a application and cover letter at my office last week thinking I would get the home study and mail it off sometime during the week.

So, I frantically retyped our USCIS application and cover letter, grabbed our home study, our birth certificates and our marriage license and raced out the door. {Dave stayed home to put the boys down for their nap}.

It was 11:30 at this point.

I rushed to the bank to have two cashier’s checks issued to accompany our application.

As soon as I pulled into the bank, I realized that I didn’t know who to issue the checks to. How could I not have printed these off last week?? Frustrated at my lack of preparation, I called Dave to check it out online. He couldn’t find anything so I made an assumption and had them issued to “USCIS.”

I ran out the door and headed to the Fed Ex office to mail our packet off. As I was filling out the “to” section on the shipping label, Dave called and alerted me that he double checked in our AGCI workbook and we needed the cashier’s checks written to the Department of Homeland Security.

WHAT?!

I dropped my pen and raced out the door. The poor guy behind the counter must have thought I was a complete lunatic.

I sped back to the bank and was confronted with a five-person deep line.

I waited in line VERY impatiently. I was even annoying myself with my loud sighs and pacing back and forth.

I prayed. I apologized for not planning ahead and asked for God to get this application in the mail. I turned it over to Him. I was gently reminded that this will all work out in His time. Not mine.

The bank teller was an angel on earth and rushed to reissue the checks for me. I wanted to jump over the counter and give her a hug but there was no time.

It was 12:12 and the last Fed Ex pick-up for the day happened at 12.

Knowing that there was little hope of getting this out today, I still raced back to the Fed Ex office. Rushing in, looking all kinds of crazy, I yelled, “Did I make it?!”

I had! The pick-up was late!!!

I snapped a quick photo before handing over six months of hard work to the frightened kid who unfortunately came to work that day. He definitely thought I was crazy.

I had a date in my head since the beginning of this process: May 14th. That was my goal to have our paperwork complete. We almost made it. Our USCIS application (last bit of paperwork) will arrive to their office on the morning of May 14th. Pretty awesome, right?

Next up, fingerprints and then shipping off our giant dossier packet to AGCI. We are SO close, I can taste it!!!

And, I can’t forget to mention, when I arrived home from what felt like a audition for “The Amazing Race,” the house was CLEAN and the boys were asleep. What else could I possibly ask for on this Mother’s Day weekend?? Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

“Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.” Ephesians 1:4 (emphasis mine)

There is Great Joy Ahead…

As if being reminded of my 4-year old talents wasn’t profound enough, I wanted to share another {possibly EVEN better} lesson learned from the Living Proof Live event.

I know, I know…you’re thinking, this can’t be possible. You already told us that you were a child genius! What more could you have to share?! Ha!

Before I get to the good stuff, first let me give you a little bit of the back story…

We have been working HARD on our dossier paperwork for our adoption. It is just ridiculous how long this is taking. It is a checklist of documents, people. A checklist.

I am the self-proclaimed QUEEN of checklists. That is what I do. I check things off lists. I write down tasks that I already completed just so I can check them off.

This is why I am beyond frustrated with all of this paperwork. For Pete’s sake, I should be able to compile a bunch of bloody documents, right?! (I don’t know why I used the word “bloody” – I guess I’m feeling British this morning after having a scone for breakfast).

Anyway, we have been having setback after setback with these documents.

I KNOW with 100% confidence that the enemy is working against us here. He HATES adoption. He will stop at nothing to stand in our way. This isn’t just about gathering documents. There is a real spiritual battle happening here.

Every single time I think we have a document returned complete and notarized, we find a mistake. Dates not matching. Wording not exact (and I mean EXACT).

For example, I have had to have my sweet, kind, fabulous HR manager rewrite my employment letter SIX times. SIX. Are you kidding me?!

Last week, I was in tears on the phone with our CPA. Dave is self-employed and we need a very specific letter from our CPA stating in exact terms that he has been Dave’s CPA for the past 8 years and Dave’s salary last year was X and his anticipated salary this coming year is X.

Well, that just sounds simple, doesn’t it?

It’s not. Dave doesn’t have a set salary. He reinvests money into his business all the time. And, his taxes for 2011 are not final so the CPA will not write what the salary amount was for 2011 yet. He also will not estimate what Dave’s salary for 2012 will be. He also won’t just agree with me on what our rental income for 2011 was. I gave him a number that is accurate based on our calculations and he won’t just use it. Can you hear how loudly I’m typing this? Do you sense my frustration here?!

UGH!

To make matters worse, just after VERY exciting progress that our home study is written and under review (we need a final home study in order to apply for our approval from the US Immigration office), I got an email on Saturday morning from our social worker stating that our agency does not agree with her approved parameters. This sounds complicated but basically, she approved us for a child or siblings up to 36 months old and our agency (based on our very initial conversations) has us approved for one child up to 18 months old.

So, there is a problem. The agency approval HAS to match our home study approval.

Okay…that was a long background story…

The point of this all is to say that I received the email from our incredibly patient and fantastic social worker on Saturday morning as I was leaving the hotel to go hear Beth Moore speak.

I was a hot mess, ya’ll.

A blubbering, frustrated, sad, annoyed, mess.

I NEEDED to be filled up. I needed to be reminded of WHY we are doing all of this. And, WHO is in charge of it all.

And, I was.

God did not let me down. He never does. Never.

As Beth asked us to turn in our Bible’s to 1 Thessalonians, I flipped a little too far and landed right on the first chapter of 1 Peter.

Do you know what was highlighted in bright yellow and caught my attention? 1 Peter 1:6.

“There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.”

Wow…did you get goosebumps too?

That’s not even all of it!

I was feverishly writing this verse and my thoughts down in my notebook (basically, I wrote “the enemy is fighting this against this adoption every step of the way but God is charge. His timing is PERFECT. We will suffer through paperwork and the wait and the grief and the long road ahead BUT there IS great joy ahead!”)

As soon as I finished writing, do you know what Beth did?

She asked us to turn in our Bibles to 1 Peter 1:6!!!!!!!!

I literally could not believe it. My sister-in-law was sitting next to me and about fell off her chair since I had just shown her the verse I had written down.

Beth went on to say that we must go through trials and afflictions and be tested in our faith. But we will also have holy moments in this very unholy place (earth). We must still fight the good fight.

I know that someday I want to be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:6).

“So if you are suffering according to God’s will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for he will never fail you.” (1 Peter 5:19) Emphasis mine.

I know that there will be trials on this road. I know it will not be easy. But I know we are called to this place for a greater purpose. We are fighting the good fight every step of the way. And we will be rewarded. And, oh my, how great our reward will be. There is GREAT JOY ahead!!!

Pieces of Life’s Puzzle

This afternoon, I started taking out the CD cases stuck in my car door to see what I actually had stuffed into that compartment and I found the little journal that I used to keep in my purse. I had started the journal on July 7, 2009 and used it to record my thoughts during our journey to have children.  I had completely forgotten about this little purple notebook and was so surprised to find it there behind expired coupons and empty CD cases.

I didn’t mention this earlier on this blog, but we had originally started the process of adoption in 2009 after (unsuccessfully) trying to conceive biological children. It was a long, frustrating journey and the story is pretty complicated so I just didn’t want to get into all of that on here.

But, I wanted to give you that little background because I had to share an entry from this journal. I was in tears sitting in my car reading this today. I opened the journal to this page and think it is incredible to truly see God’s hand at work in the life of our family.

Reading this entry was equivalent to receiving another tiny piece to add to the giant puzzle of my life. I always imagine that we will all have these beautiful, completed puzzles that tell the whole story of our life on earth once we arrive in Heaven. Until then, we just get little pieces along the way and are too close to see the bigger, completed image.

I transcribed the entry word for word below, so please forgive me for grammatical errors and for it being a little long.

November 9, 2009

We are going to try IVF. 

Out of the blue, a few weeks ago, Natalie from Parkhill called to tell me that Sarah from the Little Rock Infertility Clinic would be in town for meetings and Dr. H had given her our file to review. She told us that, based on our history, we had a 50% chance of conceiving a baby and that my new insurance covers IVF completely.

Dave was thrilled and felt like this was our answered prayer. 

I was left more confused than ever.

I don’t understand why we’ve learned about the millions of orphans in the world and gone through all that we have just to come back to making a baby through science. It all feels hypocritical and selfish to me.

As I’ve been praying and trying to understand God’s will in all of this, these things have happened:

– I turned on the TV and decided to watch a TIVO’d episode of “Adoption Stories” – the episode was about a couple that chose not to do IVF and instead adopted from Russia.

– I received our first copy of “Adoptive Families” magazine. 

– At that point, I thought “God just sent me a sign” and then I looked up as I was leaving the house to go back to work and found a packet from an adoption agency at our door that I hadn’t seen earlier. The agency’s name is “All God’s Children International.” *

– In that packet, was the book, “The Strength of Mercy” by Jan Beazley. This book has captivated me – it is the story of a woman and her family following God’s will and finding themselves adopting an orphan from Romania and starting the agency, AGCI. It’s amazing because it is exactly what I needed to hear – He is in charge. 

I cannot time or orchestrate this plan. I know He planted this seed of longing in my heart to help a child (or many!) in the world and I have been searching frantically trying to find the child (through Rainbowkids.com and other waiting children lists) on my own terms and my own timeline but I don’t know God’s plan. 

I just have this one piece of the puzzle, I’m too close to see the bigger picture. The completed puzzle. 

But I do know that He will tear down all walls and government barriers that separate us from our child when the time is right. I trust in Him and can find comfort in the peace that only He can provide. 

I just opened Jan Beazley’s book to find passages that were especially encouraging and this is what I opened to, “…the Holy Spirit pursued our hearts. Even in our weakest hour of doubt, when our confidence grew dim, He lovingly breathed on the smouldering embers of our faith and we once again caught hold of the Father’s hand…we knew God was testing our willingness to trust Him, no matter the outcome.” 

Also, Jan had a difficult time convincing her husband at first that they should adopt. I have not been in that boat until now. 

Now, Dave wants to try again for a biological child. I think that may be God’s plan – why else would He have reopened this door? 

But, selfishly, I am dreading the medicines, doctor’s visits, hospitals, dissapointment, fear, heartache, pain. I just don’t know how I will go through it all again. Even as I write this, I am reminded that our merciful Lord wil hold my hand and keep me strong throughout it all. 

He will be by my side.  

Jan stated in her book, “God faithfully reminded me that He is in charge, that my husband’s heart is His department and not mine.” 

I thought that was profound. I have been trying to convince Dave that this doesn’t feel right but it doesn’t matter. His heart is set on trying and I think if we don’t try we will always wonder, “what if?” 

God is in charge of our path and He will place a call on both of our hearts when the time is right. **

 *At the time I wrote this, we were already in process with another agency and this was a completely unexpected packet from AGCI. This is the agency we are now working with! Can you see God’s hand at work?

**We did both receive a call on our hearts this past October. It was incredibly clear.

I am so thankful for the journey we have been on to get to this place. We were able to conceive our precious, precious boys through the miracle of IVF. And, we are now obediently following the path that God destined for our family before the beginning of time. I just didn’t understand it all when we first started on this journey three years ago.

*For the first time EVER, we had family photos taken last weekend by the talented Amie Hansen!! I’ll share more soon!

Blessings to you all!