Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

when hope feels lost…{He's right there}.

I woke up this morning and did the same thing I’ve done every day for as long as I can remember, I checked my email looking for word from the Embassy or from our daughter’s foster mom in Congo. I always check my phone to see if any important news has come through from the other side of the globe while I slept {to be fair, sleep is a relative term since Charlotte was up off and on most of the night}.

This isn’t healthy. Believe me, I know. I know I shouldn’t check my phone before I even say a thank you to my Creator for this new day.  But, the thing is, when your child is waiting for you on another continent, you cannot stop praying for news and hoping against hope for positive updates. Since email is the source of those updates, I check over and over again all day long.

This morning, there was once again no news. Instead, a question came across from another waiting mama friend- she asked for advice on how I was able to cope and stay sane during this wait.

That simple question did it. It broke me.

I suddenly realized I wasn’t staying sane. I wasn’t keeping it together… instead, what I was doing was letting go of hope. Over the past week or so, I’ve let go of believing that the latest news could actually mean our daughter will come home sometime soon.

You see, about three weeks ago, we received some really good news and I was so hopeful, so sure, that this was finally it that I started planning logistics for her homecoming. And, then, nothing. No news. No updates. Just waiting… in silence.

So, I started giving up. I stopped praying as often and as boldly. I stopped believing that God could do this and that this could really be the time.

I didn’t realize I had traveled down this road slowly inching my way toward despair until that question was asked this morning. I answered her honestly, I told her that I was starting to give up and let go of hope and that was the only way I could make it through the day. That was the only way I could walk into her room and not crumble. The only way I could manage to look at her clothes hanging in the closet or her bag packed or her photos on the wall without hitting something. Or wailing. Or weeping.

After letting all of this out, I realized I should go ahead and have a talk with Him. God knows my heart. He knows. So, I just stopped evading Him and finally admitted what I was doing. I asked forgiveness and asked Him to sustain me once again.

I then pulled out my prayer journal.

I read through the pages and cried out to Him. Why? Why, God? Why have you answered almost all of these requests {literally, it is astounding to see what He has done with the requests on those pages- not all answered in the way I thought they would be, but answered in a more incredible way than I had ever prayed for} but my daughter still waits???? Why are you ignoring this one? This is important, God. YOU asked us to walk this road. You brought her into our lives and our hearts. Why would You turn away now?

You can probably guess how my little rant ended. A gentle stirring in my heart.

Read the words again.  All of these prayers — miraculous healings, babies coming home, healthy babies born, provision, safety — answered. 


I stopped then and responded in gratitude. Praising Him for the bounty of goodness that I have witnessed.

Then, these verses were before me…

As for me, I look to the Lord for his help. I will wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me…For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord himself will be my light…the Lord will bring me out of darkness and into the light, and I will see his righteousness. {Micah 7: 7-9}
The Lord replied, “look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” {Habakkuk 1:5}
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. {Habakkuk 2:3}

And, then, as I opened my computer to type this post, my email contained a new post from a dear friend. Sarah wrote these words about how to keep walking forward when the road gets bumpy that ministered to my aching heart this morning.

The last words of her post could not have been more perfect. Tears fell as I read…

“Most of all, know that you are not alone. God is there to be your comfort and your Rock. He has set you on this road, however bumpy it may get. And He will not leave you. He will not leave your children.
He is FOR you. He is FOR adoption. He is FOR the orphan.”
I am so thankful for reminders that He is near. He hasn’t forgotten and He isn’t giving up on me. I will keep knocking and asking and hoping. I will hold onto Him. 

our candle is lit.

This week, over fifty adoptive parents convened on Capital Hill to meet with representatives of Congress and Senate regarding the current suspension of exit permits for our adopted children. They participated in ninety-nine meetings over the course of two days and worked extremely hard to advocate for all of our children waiting.

I have been ridiculously emotional following all of the posts and photo updates from the meetings. I wanted to be there alongside these mommas and daddies SO very badly. It absolutely killed me to not be there. But, with Charlotte being only five weeks old, we made the decision for me not to travel and to support the families there in prayer. I have held them and the ones they met with in prayer all week long and am honored to lift these requests before our Sovereign God.

A candlelight prayer vigil was held on the Hill on Tuesday evening. We participated here at home. We prayed over our daughter and all of the children waiting. We prayed for each of our friend’s babies by name. We prayed for the ones we have held and loved on during visits.

God directed me to these verses to pray boldly on behalf of all of the children waiting …

You are the God of miracles and wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations. {Isaiah 77: 14}

Your pathway led through the sea, your pathway through the mighty waters– a pathway no one knew was there! {Isaiah 77:19}

We prayed for God to demonstrated His miraculous and awesome power by creating a pathway to bring our children home to our waiting, and aching, arms. We asked that He use these meetings to open hearts and bring in new voices to speak up for justice. We asked that He receive all of the Glory for what He is preparing to do.

It was an emotional night. I was overwhelmed and humbled in gratitude as friends from near and far sent photos of the candles they lit in honor of our daughter. Knowing that she was being prayed for by name by so many was absolutely incredible. There is a feeling of solidity knowing that you are linking arms with sisters and brothers in Christ and going to battle in the Heavenlies together …  

How can you help?


Because of the work of these families in DC, Chairman Royce and House Foreign Affairs has unanimously passed the House Resolution 588 {DRC Adoption Resolution}.

Please call your congressman today and tell them you support HR588!

Here is a “script” for your call:

“I am calling to let you know that House Resolution 588 regarding the international adoption crisis in DRC just cleared the House Foreign Affairs Committee without opposition, and to ask that you vote in favor of HR588 when it reaches the House Floor.”
Thank you so very much!!!

in the wait.

As we wait here, in our forty-fourth month on this journey to our daughter {based on the date we originally started this adoption journey in October of 2011}, I am weary. So very weary. I ache to hold her again and I pray in desperation for God to protect her heart as she continues to wait.

I often question why. The thing is, this journey was never about us. It has always been about this precious little girl. I can handle this. It’s not fun, it’s exhausting, and I’m sick and tired of it BUT I can manage. It’s this innocent child who has been caught in the middle of this messy process that needs protection and strength. She is the one who can’t understand what is happening and I cannot understand why she has to be in this situation to begin with.

Yes, I know. We live in a fallen, broken world. But, the reality is, that knowledge doesn’t make this waiting even an ounce less painful.

As I prayed this morning through my tears, pleading with the One who has carried me through this waiting, I asked for encouragement. I begged Him to show me that He has not forgotten our family.

I felt led to read through a journal from a recent women’s retreat and I stumbled upon my own words. Words that buoyed my spirit and allowed me to turn my gaze back to Him.

“I don’t understand any of this but I can trust Him. He is always faithful and He is the author and perfecter of my faith. He writes the story and it isn’t over yet. He is asking me to wait in Hope. He is asking me to keep running toward Him and simply doing the work set before me.“

And, the words to a song we sang in worship were written on that same page. Words that I sang as a prayer to my daughter…

Next, I found myself reading a very familiar scripture.

“He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” {Isaiah 40: 29-13; NLT}

Thankful for the reminder, I asked again for strength. I asked that He allow me to persevere because I am so weary and exhausted.

That’s when I noticed them. The verses just before this familiar promise. The ancient words that came to life as they spoke to my questioning heart…

“O Israel, {Insert: O Jenny!} how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? Don’t you know that the Lord is an everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depth of his understanding.” {Isaiah 40: 27-28; NLT}

Wow. What an incredible message of Truth for my weary soul today. 

Encouraged and uplifted, I will continue to wait in hopeful anticipation of what is to come. I continue to be grateful for the community of loved ones near and far who join Dave and I on our knees asking the Everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth, the One who sees us in our distress, for the miracle that will finally bring our daughter home. And, we are already praising Him for what comes next. Knowing that He always works every situation for our good and His glory.

Sunday is on the way.

This morning, I read the post I wrote on Good Friday a year ago. At that time, our daughter was sick and I sat here, broken, aching to be there.

Here I am. Another year has passed and I’m still half a world away. And, once again, I’m broken and aching to be there holding her. Friends visiting have told me she isn’t feeling well again. I can hardly wrap my mind around any of this pain. Knowing all of the moments that I am missing out on… the mundane and the beautiful moments of parenting. All of them, out of my grasp.

My words from last year ring just as true today…

“On this, the darkest day in the history of mankind, I am feeling utterly broken. I am longing for my Jesus like never before.

As we place the cross on our Lent tree and reflect on His sacrifice, I sit speechless and raw before my King.

Today, our daughter is sick half a world away. She was diagnosed with severe malaria, typhoid fever, giardia and a respiratory infection. I am immensely grateful that she is in a hospital where she will receive treatment for at least the next three days before returning to her orphanage. Yet, I am helpless to comfort her. I am helpless to care for her. I am helpless to calm her fears. My heart is aching and shattered.

Today, I have glimpsed a unique component of the crucifixion story. I can identify like never before with the heart of Mary. As she watched on as her perfect and spotless son was tortured and crucified, I can only imagine that she was helpless, aching, and shattered. She knew since that first meeting with the angel, that this day would come. She knew He was never really hers. She knew He was the Son of God, the Savior and King for all. Yet, her heart was that of a momma. I can assume that her heart looked on with fierce love as her baby was hurting and her arms longed to reach out and wrap Him in her embrace. To provide comfort. To protect Him from the pain.

I have sat in transfixed awe as my Jesus has shown me the beauty of His love over and over again during the course of this adoption. He has shown me that I can love someone not of my flesh with every fiber of my being. He has shown me that His heart breaks with the oppressed. He has shown me that He can make all things beautiful and He can heal brokenness and pain. He has shown me that He defends justice and mercy. He has shown me that His love for me is given freely. He has shown me that I am His daughter, adopted into the family of Christ. And, today, He has shown me that the hurt and the pain of this day is as fresh and real today as it was two thousand years ago.

I have these words from my Savior on my heart today…

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” {John 17: 33}

“I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” {John 17: 15; emphasis mine}

I’m reminded that, like those who sat at the table breaking bread with their teacher and friend dumbfounded as He tried to explain that He would be poured out for them, I am unable to see beyond the hurt. I cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end {Ecclesiastes 4:11}.

Therefore, all of my hope rests in the One who poured out His own life as an offering to cover my sins, my brokenness, my hurt.

My hope. My Savior. My King.”

Every fear and sorrow of Friday became tears of joy on Sunday, so if your life feels like a dark Friday, hang on, Sunday is on the way. – Jennifer Rothschild