Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

nothing is wasted.

Dave and I spent Sunday night listening to Steven Curtis Chapman sing and share his family’s incredible journey… it was an awesome night and so encouraging.

Dave was incredibly impressed that I only cried once the entire time…during a video of Show Hope families uniting with their adopted kiddos. It was hard to watch all of those “airport moments” — the one we are so longing for — without tearing up.

So, I have to share another song with you all today. I don’t know why this blog is turning into a radio station lately but it just is. 🙂 I had never heard Jason Gray’s song, Nothing is Wasted, before Sunday night’s concert where he also performed.

Oh. It is good. There are so many of us walking through a valley right now. Hardships and heartaches seem to abound right now. No matter what you are enduring, this song will likely speak to your heart, as it did mine. It is such an awesome reminder that all of this will be redeemed. God will use all of it for good. No tear shed has gone unnoticed, my friends. None of this sorrow is wasted.

“Nothing Is Wasted”

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

(Bridge)
When hope is more than you can bear
And it’s too hard to believe it could be true
And your strength fails you halfway there
You can lean on me and I’ll believe for you
And in time you will believe it too

(chorus)
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
Sometimes we are waiting
In sorrow we have tasted
But joy will replace it
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted 

Hope.

Last night, a dear friend cried with me and spoke beautiful truths. I don’t want to forget her words. They resonated so deeply and sunk into the recesses of my heart, the places where the light of hope had diminished.

She reminded me that our God is HOPE. That is His very nature. Therefore, I can continue to hold onto HOPE. I need to rebuke the lies of the enemy telling me that it is impossible for S to come home this year. Nothing is impossible for God. And, even if, even if, she isn’t home in the next month or the month after that or after that…even then, I can hold onto hope. He will give me grace and strength to make it through each and every day. I need to take one day at a time and hold onto Him in each moment of waiting.

She will come home. God led us here. God led us to our daughter and He will not forsake us now.

We are a family. Even if I’m not the one who tucks her in at night, she is my daughter. She is Dave’s baby girl. She is Ben and Nathan’s sister. We are a family. Now. We can hold onto that. We don’t have to live in a state of constantly looking ahead and wishing for a time when we are all together. We can embrace these moments now. Knowing that God is knitting our hearts together.

*********************************

And, you know what? God gave me the sweetest gifts over the past couple of days…

I learned that S had pointed to a photo of me in her album and said, “mama” and then pointed to Dave and said, “papa.” It seems like such a small thing. But, oh my heart. To learn this – that she recognized her mama and daddy – made my heart swell with joy. I’ve prayed so many times for God to prepare her little heart to become part of our family and I believe this was proof that He is at work.

And, yesterday, Ben built a tower for “S” with legos and told me she could play with it when she gets home. We took a photo to send to her…

And, then, we saw this…

They were thrilled to see her looking at the photo of Ben! {oh, yes, and Nathan cut his own hair the other day…resulting in a shaved head…details}.

Pure sweetness. Brothers and sisters connecting across the globe.

Hearts being knit together.

Please, Jesus. Move the mountains before us to bring our daughter home!!!!!

sovereign

On Wednesday, the US Embassy in Kinshasa held a conference call for adoptive parents to help clarify what to anticipate in terms of this exit permit suspension. Of course, they were not able to tell us much more than what we already knew. This decision is not one that can be swayed by the American government.

As our agency stated in a summary email after the call {in regards to cases like ours}, “it means that your case will continue to progress until it is
time for the exit permit and then you will unfortunately go into a “holding
pattern” until the situation is resolved.” And, according to the Embassy officials, the suspension will likely last the full 12 months.

 

The past few days have been hard. The little light of hope I had been holding on to that this suspension would be short lived and our daughter would be home before the year’s end has been diminished.

I know, I fully trust, that God is bigger than any government decision and I know, I fully trust, that God could overturn this suspension in a mere moment.

But, I am human. My heart is quite literally crushed. Getting out of bed in the morning seems like an insurmountable feat at this point. In my darkest moments, I’d admit that I cannot continue to hold out hope that this suspension will be short-lived. Because, the reality is, I am trying to guard my heart.

I am taking a break from social media…I’m taking a break from anything and everything that exerts extra energy. I need to reserve my energy for my husband and these two precious boys under my roof. I need to be here for them.

Meanwhile, I’m trusting God to work all of this out for good. I’m trusting the One who has held our daughter in His hands before we ever knew her.

Y’all know music speaks to my soul and gives my heart words to cry out when my well has run dry. Wednesday afternoon, after my mother-in-law mercifully came over to watch the boys for a couple of hours so that I could get out of the house and cry and pray alone, I listened to Chris Tomlin’s song, Sovereign, over and over and over. I sang along with the words and have repeated them out loud continually since. Such truth. I have let these truths wash over my heart and I am thankful that God can be trusted and He has not left our family for a moment.

My favorite verse… In your never failing love, You work everything for good, God whatever comes my way, I will trust you…

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

Please continue to pray for a miracle with us.

november 12th.

One year ago today, we saw her face for the very first time.

We knew. This little girl would change our lives forever.

At the time, we still didn’t know where the path would lead. I wrote these words two days later, as we pleaded and prayed and begged God for discernment and clarity…

 
“We saw a little girl’s face who was orphaned and in a place where she is at risk. Our hearts were stirred {stirred is a nice, easy word but it’s not the right one…I don’t know what the right one is – broken, shattered, wrecked?} as we gazed into her big, brown eyes. We memorized her features and imagined holding her in our arms. Her button nose and pinchable cheeks tugged at our hearts.
We prayed. We begged. We pleaded. We cried out. We asked for discernment and clarity. Is this our daughter, Lord? Is she the one we have been waiting for? Why are we seeing her face? Are you asking us to move? Are you asking us to bring her home? Why are we feeling such unease and caution?

We prayed and begged and pleaded for her. For her safety. For her well-being. For her heart. We continue to do so.  I keep praying for the gates of Heaven to send forth angels of protection to surround her in the days and months to come.

We were uneasy and anxious with the situation. We felt led to her but we also felt God asking us to wait. I begged Him to clearly, undeniably show us what He wanted from us. We feared misinterpreting His call and His will.”
 

She was our daughter at that very first glance. We knew. Yet, the enemy jumped at the chance to raise fear and doubt and suspension. He knew that we were about to walk into unchartered waters and we were ripe to be taken out by fear.

The days that followed were a blur of tears and prayers. Then, peace. Undeniable confirmation. Security. Promises.

The whole story of us being led to our daughter is truly incredible. God was in every single detail. His promises are true and He can be trusted.

As I sit here today, one year later, I can say that He is good. Even if this road has been longer and harder than we ever imagined it could be. Even if we are bruised and battered and weary from the fight. He is good.

He gave me a sweet gift this morning… time with our daughter {technology is incredible!!}… and new photos to treasure and new details to memorize. New photos that show how far she has come.

The big, brown eyes we saw one year ago that were full of sorrow and despair are now bright and full of joy and laughter. She is well loved, well cared for and safe. We are immensely grateful.

 
 

God has once again reminded me that He is at work. I can rest in His promises. Although this path is long and hard, He is drawing me near and the story He is writing for our daughter is going to continue to be truly magnificent.

I happened upon these words from a post I wrote last November…

“I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts. “
{excerpt from ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young}
  
A friend posted these words from Charles Spurgeon’s “Morning & Evening” devotional….
 
“FAITH untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too. Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers wear so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier; no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky; no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand; and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity.”
 
A fellow adoptive momma who has also traveled a long road posted these powerful words last night…
 
 “I fear I’ve often fallen under the illusion that if relationships or jobs or endeavors do not come easily, something is terribly wrong. I must not be trusting God or I’ve somehow misinterpreted “His will,” as if it’s a treasure map I just need to find. I am much more a grown up than a child in my faith. Instead of accepting what God entrusts to me, I worry and I doubt.” {-Holly Doden}
 
The truth is, our hearts have grown, our eyes have been opened and our faith has been strengthened on this long journey.
 
Yes, the waves continue to rise, the wind continues to whip, and the sea continues to swell…yet, He continues to hold us close.
 
We waited three long years with empty arms and God did not disappoint, He gave us full arms and full hearts when our boys were born. Every tear on that journey was absolutely worth it. And, I have no doubt that someday I will look back on this wait for our daughter and say the very same thing. Ever tear was absolutely worth it.