“We saw a little girl’s face who was orphaned and in a place where she is at risk. Our hearts were stirred {stirred is a nice, easy word but it’s not the right one…I don’t know what the right one is – broken, shattered, wrecked?} as we gazed into her big, brown eyes. We memorized her features and imagined holding her in our arms. Her button nose and pinchable cheeks tugged at our hearts.

We prayed. We begged. We pleaded. We cried out. We asked for discernment and clarity. Is this our daughter, Lord? Is she the one we have been waiting for? Why are we seeing her face? Are you asking us to move? Are you asking us to bring her home? Why are we feeling such unease and caution?

We prayed and begged and pleaded for her. For her safety. For her well-being. For her heart. We continue to do so.  I keep praying for the gates of Heaven to send forth angels of protection to surround her in the days and months to come.

We were uneasy and anxious with the situation. We felt led to her but we also felt God asking us to wait. I begged Him to clearly, undeniably show us what He wanted from us. We feared misinterpreting His call and His will.”
 

“I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts. “

{excerpt from ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young}

  

A friend posted these words from Charles Spurgeon’s “Morning & Evening” devotional….

 

“FAITH untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too. Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers wear so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier; no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky; no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand; and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity.”

 

A fellow adoptive momma who has also traveled a long road posted these powerful words last night…

 

 “I fear I’ve often fallen under the illusion that if relationships or jobs or endeavors do not come easily, something is terribly wrong. I must not be trusting God or I’ve somehow misinterpreted “His will,” as if it’s a treasure map I just need to find. I am much more a grown up than a child in my faith. Instead of accepting what God entrusts to me, I worry and I doubt.” {-Holly Doden}

 

The truth is, our hearts have grown, our eyes have been opened and our faith has been strengthened on this long journey.

 

Yes, the waves continue to rise, the wind continues to whip, and the sea continues to swell…yet, He continues to hold us close.

 

We waited three long years with empty arms and God did not disappoint, He gave us full arms and full hearts when our boys were born. Every tear on that journey was absolutely worth it. And, I have no doubt that someday I will look back on this wait for our daughter and say the very same thing. Ever tear was absolutely worth it.

 Lord Jesus, please let this woman, your daughter, and the woman who carried our precious S in her womb, feel your peace as she takes this final step of relinquishing her precious baby girl. Comfort her heart and give her strength. Lord Jesus, please let her arrive safely to the interview. And, Jesus, please let the interview go well. Please let the Embassy staff hear her story and stand in agreement that S is an orphan no more- she is a beloved and treasured daughter of our King and can come home to be a part of our family!!!

 

After walking on cloud 9 all morning {even through my exhaustion – no, I could not fall back asleep}, I leaned that the state department had posted a new alert with updated information from the immigration authority in the DRC. You can read the alert HERE.

 

Honestly, this doesn’t change things for us. We are still waiting out the exit permit suspension and praying HARD that it does not last the full 12 months. Please, Jesus.

 

But, this affects three of my close friends on this journey. Three strong women who have walked this road with me and have encouraged me, prayed for me and stood beside me. These three women {and many others} are now being told that they cannot bring home the children they have come to love {and two of them have met their babies already} simply because they are single {and one precious momma is a young widow}. To say that this news is devastating is an understatement.

 

I am so encouraged to already see good coming out of this… we have a group of mommas that have been relentlessly praying, sharing scripture and encouraging one another. And, yesterday, we collectively cried together…across the nation. It has been incredible to watch God bind these sweet sisters’ hearts together for the cause of justice for the orphaned and oppressed.

 

In yesterday morning’s Bible study, Beth Moore’s words rung in my ears. This statement just sent goosebumps up and down my spine. Such truth.

 

“Anxiety steals our joy. All anxiety is rooted in control. Anxiety turns into all out fear when we know we have no control.” – Beth Moore

 

Amen, Beth. Amen.

 

My anxious heart did a double take in that moment. I know that I have absolutely no control here. But, I also know that the One who is in control has more authority than any government decision. Therefore, I am trusting that God cares what happens to S and all of my friend’s children, and I am casting my anxieties onto Him. {1 Peter 5:7}

 

I can’t change my circumstances but I can change my outlook. I can keep my eyes on Jesus and stand firm in His truth.

 

This morning, I shared what God spoke to my heart with my fellow mommas. I’ll copy some of here because I want to remember all of this. I want to look back on these days and see God’s hand in all of it.

 

 

“Good morning, sweet sisters. Warning: this is long. 

 I had to share a little of what God spoke to my heart this morning…
“Jenny, read Isaiah again. Remember my promises.”

You see, when we were struggling over the decision to change country programs and I spent an afternoon praying over the decision, God led me to one of my favorite books of the Bible, Isaiah. I read and cried and prayed and cried for hours. It was an incredible afternoon – I felt like Jesus was sitting there with me reading the words and explaining them to my heart and how they do not only apply to events thousands of years ago, but to my life today. And, how he wants to move in my life and in the life of His children in the DRC. I have highlights and underlines and asterisks and exclamation marks all over that book. He spoke so much truth to my heart that day. He gave me a clear direction for what He wanted Dave and I to do. And, now, as I read back through the same words, I am reminded, that the same God who brought them to life for me one year ago, wants me to read them now with fresh eyes.

He is going to perform a miracle, girls!
“Everyone will see this miracle and understand that it is the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, who did it.” {Isaiah 41:20}.

“He will reveal justice to the nations” {Isaiah 42:1}…When the poor and needy search for water and there is none, and their tongues are parched from thirst, then I, the LORD, will answer them, I, God of Israel, will never forsake them.” {Isaiah 41:17}.

“I, the LORD, have called you to demonstrate your righteousness. I will guard and support you…And you will be a light to guide all nations to me. You will open the eyes of the blind and free the captives from prison. You will release those who sit in dark dungeons {or dark orphanages!!}”
{Isaiah 42:6-7}

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. {We are HIS. Our children are HIS}. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior… you are precious to me. You are honored and I love you.” {Isaiah 43:1-3}

Last one…this is good… “For I am about to do a brand new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? {honestly, no, Lord, I don’t see it yet but I trust you}… I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home {and OUR babies!!}. I will create rivers for them in the desert!” {Isaiah 43:19}.

One of the commentaries in my Bible says this about the verse above, “The past miracles were nothing compared to what God would do for his people in the future.” I know that my family’s adoption journey has been full of incredible, incredible miracles. God’s fingerprints have been all over this path. He has confirmed our steps and revealed His heart to us in fresh ways. So, to think that the miracles to come are going to be far greater than anything He has already done, is awesome.

I cannot wait to see what He has already begun here. I’m praying that He bind our aching-momma hearts together in prayer and open our eyes anew to see His work. So that we can all give Him the glory when the miracles come to pass. So that, we will know without a doubt, that it was God’s hand who delivered our precious children.”

I cannot wait to watch the miracles unfold…