My heart may ache.
I may not understand any of this but I know that God brought me to this place.
He never promised this would be easy.
He never said His work is without cost or sacrifice.
He does promise that He is in control.
I can trust in that truth and stand firm during the hard season of waiting.
where we are.
caught off guard.
When I posted on Friday afternoon I was writing from a place of peacefulness and gratitude.
Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo Immigration Authorities Suspend Issuance of Exit Permits to Adoptees
That was me: caught off guard.
Tossing in the waves, feeling hopeless. As James wrote, “The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” {Jas. 1:6} There was no denying that I was being tossed by the wind, grasping for breath.
“The Lord promises that if we trust in him with all our heart, if we do not lean on our own understanding, and if we acknowledge HIm in all our ways, He will make our paths smooth. {Proverbs 3:5-6} God will pave the way for us.” – James Macdonald
I read those two sentences over and over. I tried to pray but all I could muster was a simple, sincere, cry out to my Heavenly Father,
I wrote that little pray in my journal and felt peace envelop me.
I am trusting that God; the One who called us to this place, the One who has provided time and again, the One that has affirmed our path over and over; will move in a mighty way.
He will protect the children who are waiting and praying for a family.
He will hold each and every orphaned child in our daughter’s country in His loving embrace.
He will command His angel armies to surround the orphanages and the foster homes where these children are living.
He will protect them from illness and pain.
He will bring them home to the mommas and daddies and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and nanas and papas that are waiting and loving them from afar.
Hope will rise.
And, in the meantime, I will continue to meet with my other waiting mommas after we tuck our littles in at night. We will continue to hold hands under the stars and pray. We will continue to cry out to our Abba Father and ask that He protect our babies. We will continue to hold a vigil of prayer and trust. We will keep our eyes on Him.
Our Hope. Our Redeemer. Our Comforter. Our Ever Present Help in times of trouble.
His plans are higher and greater.
In this season of waiting for our daughter to come home, unexpected news can be jarring.
I long to be at a place of such trust that I will not be shaken no matter what storm blows my way. But, the reality is, I’m not there.
I’m human. I’m weak and I’m weary of this process.
The small victories are rejoiced over. Yet, the setbacks and delays quickly send my rejoicing edging toward despair. These days, my emotional pendulum swings sharply and unexpectedly.
Surprising news this past week took my well-laid out plans and scattered them in the wind.
I was confused. The path ahead seemed foggy and murky.
Right after the news, He brought me away. Away to a place where I can stand in reverent awe of His majesty and glory. Time away to rest in Him.
I reflect back on all that He has done. Events, conversations, friendships, words of encouragement, provision, new paths… all orchestrated by Him. All of it leading to this very place.
And I see it. In the way the ocean tosses a shell to the shore, refining it. I am being refined by my Father.
Fear. Doubt. Confusion. They do not belong in this place. God is the author of good things, He never authors pain or chaos.
These words sang over my heart this morning as I walked along the sea. I’m so thankful for His unending, never-failing, powerful love and sufficient grace.
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