Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

when your arms are empty ~ {guest post}

Photo Credit: Alyssa Sieb

Infertility is isolating. It is painful. It is full of heartache and disappointment and bitterness. It is all consuming – emotionally and physically. You can’t get away from the pain. The struggle is fresh and raw each and every month.

Yet, above all of the emptiness and hurt — a persistent, unrelenting spirit of hope remains.

Hope that this is going to be “the” month. Hope that this new doctor, this new test, this new procedure, this new medicine will finally work.

How can you be a good friend to someone walking through the valley of infertility? To continue reading this post, I’m over HERE today writing for the series, “Together Through Pain“…

if you fear Him, you need fear nothing else.

Fear can easily become a stronghold. In my life, the enemy fights dirty. When a glimmer of opportunity presents itself, he pounces with fear.

Specifically in this adoption process, I have so many fears that nag and tug over and over again. Within this blog journal alone, I counted forty-nine posts designated to the topic of fear. My very first post on this blog was rooted in stepping out in faith to overcome a personal fear.

{Warning: here’s where I’m about to freak some of y’all out, and, seriously, I get it. I’m freaked out by spiritual warfare. I believe in it, but I’ve never witnessed it so powerfully as I have during this adoption journey}.

The other night, I was woken in the night by an intense, petrifying, gripping sense of fear. My chest was tight and I couldn’t catch my breath. It literally felt like someone was pushing down on me or sitting on my chest.

After talking with a respected pastor last night in our small group {that’s a whole God story in and of itself…we recently jumped on board with a new church plant in our community and it has been an answered prayer and immense blessing); I confirmed what I suspected to be true: I had an encounter with evil.

The air was dripping with darkness and I immediately started praying and reading the Word until peace was restored and I was able to go back to sleep. I am shaking typing these words because the experience was terrifying and so very real.

Here’s the thing; I know that we are not fighting against flesh and blood here, but against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms {Ephesians 6:12}. I know that we are working to bring light and love to a beloved child of God who has been left alone in a place that the enemy thought was his dominion. I know all of these things, but I can’t truthfully say that I’m not a little shocked by it all. I have led a pretty safe, un-risky life up until this point. I have never before been in a position where I have had to rebuke satan’s grip.

Yet, here I am. Feeling a teensy bit crazy but also trusting wholeheartedly in the solid truth of My Savior. I can recognize what is happening and I can stand firm. I am protected by His shield of love. I am safe.

I am with you continually, so don’t be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to My hand. Keep your eyes on Me, enjoying Peace in My Presence. {Jesus Calling}

The Lord said to me in the strongest terms: “Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you. Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear Him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.” 
{Isaiah 8: 11-14}

“Don’t be like this people, always afraid somebody is plotting against them. Don’t fear what they fear. Don’t take on their worries. If you’re going to worry, worry about The Holy. Fear God-of-the-Angel-Armies.“
{Isaiah 8: 11-14; the Message} 

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Protect them, so all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord, surrounding them with your shield of love. 
{Psalm 5: 11-12}

God is with us in the wait.

If we’re friends on facebook, you know that I am just over this whole waiting thing.

I’m done. 

I’m ready to have S home. I’m ready for the boys to play with their sister instead of pretending to drive to Africa on their bikes to visit her. I’m ready to watch her grow up here in our home, instead of through photos {and, yes, the photos are treasures, little glimpses into her world…but, they are not substitute for the real thing}. I’m ready to ensure her belly is full of healthy food that will give her nourishment. I’m ready to hear her laugh. I’m ready to teach her new things. I’m ready to learn how she likes to sleep {ben has to be surrounded by his stuffed animals and holding onto two – very precise- tags on his blankets & nate likes to hold all three of his babies and be covered up with his blanket from grandma marrs with two others at his feet. they’re hilarious}. I’m ready to hold her and rock her to sleep. I’m ready to see her wearing the cute little outfits hanging in her closet. I’m ready to get to know her and her personality. I’m ready to hear her cry and learn what soothes her. I’m ready to teach her new words. I’m ready to show her the love of a family. I’m just ready, already.

All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’m ready.

I shared this photo on facebook and received so many words of encouragement from loved ones. Many who have been here, smack dab in the middle of this tormenting wait, who understand the pain and the urgency and the tears.

I had a friend {who is in south africa right now to bring home their son!!}, share these wise words:

“Always remember that God is never separate from your wait. He is The Lord of waiting. He is the liberal giver of grace for the wait. Because your wait isn’t outside of his plan, but a vital and necessary part of it, he’s with you in your wait. And remember…God isn’t so much after the success of your life or ministry- he’s after you. So as you wait, tell yourself again and again: waiting isn’t just about what I get at the end of the wait, but about who I become as I wait.” -Paul Tripp 

What a poignant reminder of the work God is doing in my heart during this wait. A reminder that the dark nights of grieving and fear pressing down on me, attempting to crush my hope and trust; always give way to the light of the morning. The light that was purchased at such a high cost on a cross so many years ago. The light of His righteousness.

As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I will wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me…For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord himself will be my light…the Lord will bring me out of darkness and into the light, and I will see His righteousness.
{Micah 7: 7-9}
I don’t know how much longer we will wait. Delays and uncertainty stretch as far as we can see from our place here on earth. Yet, God sees the big picture. He authored this story and knows how it ends. He knows the victory is coming.
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. {Habakkuk 2:3}

relax and laugh…

Today’s devotional in Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling is so beautifully said and freeing. A reminder to ignore the whispers of the enemy that take the form of guilt. A reminder that our loving God wants us to experience joy in abundance. 


“Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don’t take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you.”


After a perfect day yesterday celebrating Dave for Father’s Day, I can’t help but think of how fitting Sarah’s words are this morning. Relax, laugh, enjoy these days.

We spent the day experiencing quiet moments tucked away from the world. Moments of joy. We stepped away from our responsibilities. We slowed our pace. We deeply inhaled the fragrance of summer – heavy air dripping with humidity – and escaped to the luxury of a mid-afternoon movie date while a sweet neighbor read to our sleepy boys and stayed home for us while they napped.

The day was steeped in holy moments.

That evening, we were ushered into His kingdom by the laughter of our boys.

“Laughter lightens your load and lifts your heart into heavenly places. Your laughter rises to heaven and blends with angelic melodies of praise. Just as parents delight in the laughter of their children, so I delight in hearing My children laugh. I rejoice when you trust Me enough to enjoy your life lightheartedly. 

Do not miss the Joy of My Presence by carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Rather, take My yoke upon you and learn from Me. My yoke is comfortable and pleasant; My burden is light and easily borne.”