JOY Archives - Blessings and Raindrops

The past couple of weeks were a blur.

I mentioned here that Ben became ill and ended up in the hospital. We did the dance of logistics with friends and family picking up the other kiddos at school and juggling being at Ben’s side while caring for his siblings for four exhausting days. Thankfully, it was just a nasty virus. Fluids, rest and medicine did the trick to get it out of his system.

Gratitude is not a strong enough word for the flood of relief I feel now that he is back to his silly, sweet self. It was as though we stood on the precipice of a cliff, knowing all of the ways the storyline could play out. Facing fear in the face and choosing to trust a God who is unpredictable is HARD.

“Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” – Oswald Chambers

After Ben was feeling better, we went ahead with our vacation plans to the beach. There, God reminded me of our need for seasons to unplug and be present with our people, about the importance of being still and allowing our souls to breathe.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.

{Psalm 23: 1-3}

We came home and faced the aftermath of two unpredictable weeks for our Sylvie. She still struggles with unfamiliar and changes to routine. Maybe she always will. I don’t know. All I know is that this past week was HARD.

I never want to paint an overly rosy picture of adoption. I also never want to glaze over the beauty even in the hardest of hard. Adoption is a broken and messy kind of beautiful.

I know there are families who transition easily into their new normal, who just walk forward without skipping a beat. Love and bonding and attachment happen seamlessly.

We are not that family.

I want to be honest in that. I so strongly believe that other families who are struggling silently need to know that they are not alone. I have an amazing network of support. I have other mommas to lean on who get it. I can be honest and real and share the ugly. I am so grateful for the ones who listen to me vent and cry and yell and love me anyway. Who gently remind me to take it one day at a time. Who pray for me and my girl. Who model selfless love for me.

It’s an ongoing, always evolving journey toward wholeness. Even though we have days that feel as though we have taken ten steps backward and will never climb out of the pit, we also have the most incredible glimpses of joy and such sweetness that I am left speechless.

In all of this, I’ve been continually learning the wonderful lesson of intentionally seeking joy, particularly in the hard moments. Because, after all, joy is a choice. I can choose to sit in the bitterness, the unanswered questions, the anger, or I can choose to shift my focus to the progress, the laughter, the good.

That photo at the top of this post? It’s a reminder of how I have spent the past several days sitting on the front porch swing watching the leaves turn on those TWO trees out front. We only have two bright trees reflecting the glory of autumn although there are so many others in our yard. I choose to keep my eyes on them. I love that they are right out front and I can watch through the windows as the colors shift and the leaves start to fall.

It’s all about perspective.

Yes, indeed. Joy is a choice.

I haven’t made any resolutions this year, and I typically do not, because I don’t need another thing to strive toward. Even if it’s something good and worthy. But, I do like this popular idea of choosing one word for the year.

Up until yesterday, I hadn’t been able to nail down a word. I had mulled over the idea and prayed for some sort of Divine inspiration.

After reading Kara Tippitt’s book {a must read for all mommas}, the word KIND was a forerunner. I love the idea of filtering everything — every thought, every action, every response — through a kindness filter. Heaven knows that I need to do this more often. Especially with all of these impressionable ears around.

Yet, it didn’t feel like a good fit for my one word.

Yesterday, as I was driving to church {late, of course}, it hit me.

JOY.

2015 will be the year of Joy.

I like the way it rolls off my tongue. I like the way I can look back over pages and pages of journals and notebooks from the past few years and see this word jump off the page frequently. I like the way it takes intentional effort to live with joy. I especially like the way it is the antithesis of fear.

As I thought through the impact of choosing JOY as my one word, I reread my notes from our church’s women’s retreat and they resonated deeply:

Fear is all smoke and mirrors.

God is with us.

We go to the worst-case scenario and the result is Wasted Joy.

We sabotage joy. We cannot be present in the joy because we are afraid of what is coming.

That’s it. The very essence of fear is that it seeks to hold us captive – to steal our joy. Fear creeps in silently, slowly even. Before you realize what has happened, how you have allowed the fear to invade, you find yourself up in the middle of the night unable to breathe under the weight of it.

But, joy. Joy combats fear. It exists in the trusting, in the Hope.

Our circumstances do not determine our joy. Joy is lasting. Happiness, which is based on life’s ever-changing circumstances, is unpredictable.

This world is scary. This world is full of sorrow and brokenness and disease.

Yet, it’s also full of beauty and love and hope.

We have to intentionally choose JOY. We have to look above all of the hurting, all of the pain, and fix our eyes on the author and perfecter of our faith. Joy requires action. Joy requires gratitude.

Yesterday, as I uploaded the photos from our recent New Year’s trip, I saw it.

Because, the truth is, sometimes reality doesn’t live up to your expectations and you miss the countdown and the midnight kiss {because everyone is exhausted and sick}. And, sometimes, you can’t go outside because it’s raining. And, sometimes, there are crying babies in the middle of the night and flu diagnosis and ER visits.

And, there is still JOY.

Joy because there is a dock where the littles can fish.

Joy because there is laughter at the big “catch.”

Joy in the quiet, slow mornings where memories are made.

Joy in the shrieks of excitement that result from spying a pile of wrapped packages.

Joy in stolen moments with loved ones, tucked away from the world.

Joy in discovering what you are capable of and the gift of being present to capture the moment with photographs and applause.

Joy in the innocence and depth of a child’s imagination.

Joy in babies’ laughter.

Joy in the celebration of a brand new year ahead. 365 days just waiting to unfold.

Joy in a break from real life. A break from work and school and bills and dishes and laundry. {And, yes, swimming goggles are a perfectly appropriate accessory for a cold, rainy morning in Tennessee}.

Joy in the gift of time with loved ones. As hard as the goodbyes can be, the moments together are worth it. They are worth the long hours in the car, the rearranging of schedules, the effort made to be together.

Joy in the awe of God’s creation. Under layers and layers of rock and dirt…there, deep below the earth’s surface, He gives us unexpected, majestic beauty.