Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

week one.

The moment he saw his long-awaited little sister for the first time.

Wow. What a week! My head is still spinning from being blown away by God’s faithfulness to our family.

The fact that Dr. Laure was able to bring our daughter home and help with the first few days of transition is just a blessing beyond what any words could describe. She helped Sylvie feel safe and know that this is her new home. She left yesterday morning and I was prepared for a major meltdown but it didn’t happen.

In fact, yesterday was a sweet, sweet day. I know we were being covered in prayer and I absolutely felt them. We experienced so many moments that were just beautiful and holy. Dancing together in the kitchen when the song “beautiful things” came on… eating cake together to celebrate the birthdays we spent apart… snuggled up with both of her brothers and her sister and daddy and I in Nate’s bed for bedtime stories…

I have so much to share from this past week but I only have a few brief moments while Sylvie and Charlotte are both napping and the boys are down at the pond fishing with Nana. So, I will just say this: life is busy.

It’s busier than I ever remember it. Busier than it was with newborn twins.

Yet, slowly, moment by moment, we are starting to find a rhythm and have little glimpses each day that we will make it through this season and find our new normal. Sylvie is adjusting so much better than I had anticipated. The boys are doing so well with all of the changes. Ben is so, so sweet and patient with her. Nathan is having a harder time – he is craving more of my attention and affection. At the end of the day, I am completely worn out from pouring into these four little ones all day. I want them all to feel loved and safe and secure. Yet, I know that I can entrust them all to Jesus. He will protect and shepherd their hearts. I do not need to do this alone. He is right here beside me.

We are being loved on so well by our community. We are well fed and errands are being taken care of. The blessing of a meal prepared and delivered each evening is beyond words. I have no time to even think about food preparation so this seemingly simple act of cooking for our family is just an immense gift right now.

I have so many memories and photos to share from our first week together. Everything is a first and things are new and exciting {and sometimes new and scary} for Sylvie. It’s been such a joy watching this new world unfold before her eyes.

One of my close friends who has walked this long road with us step by step was there at the airport last week taking photos. I had to share a few. What an incredible night this was. Surrounded by the very people who have been on their knees beside us praying our girl home. God was in that airport and everyone there witnessed His glory and His victory.

The boys were so excited and nervous. Everyone told me Nate was fidgeting with his hands the whole time he waited for us…

Dave and I met Laure and Sylvie at the gate and the rest of our family waited at the top of the escalators for us… 

This was the moment they first spotted us!

Friends and loved ones welcoming her home!

The adoption community is such a beautifully, tight-knit, encouraging and loving community … friends that I’ve made during this journey have become some of my closest confidants. Only another adoptive momma can fully understand the heartaches and the joys. My dear friend, Suzanne, drove seven hours in a day to be here to welcome Sylvie home. I started bawling when I saw her. I still can’t believe she made the trip just to give me a hug on this long-awaited day. Incredible!
I have never noticed this sign hanging in the airport before.
“No matter where you’re from… You’re home now.”
Wow.  

Crazy family of SIX!!!!! 

She was so scared and overwhelmed after making the long journey home. 
It has been an absolute joy watching her personality emerge over this past week as she has started to feel comfortable and safe here. We are overwhelmed at the honor it is to have a front-row seat to God’s redemptive and healing power at work. 
Thank you all for the prayers, words of support and encouragement and love. We are grateful beyond words!!!!

a whole month…

Five weeks ago yesterday, we finally laid eyes on our precious Charlotte for the very first time. In many ways, it feels like she has been a part of our family forever and we can’t remember our lives before she arrived. Yet, today, I feel like I blinked and the past five weeks flew by in a flash. It may or may not have something to do with sleep deprivation.

Dearest Charlotte,


You have been such a gift to your daddy and I. In this season of our lives, you are an unexpected and lavish blessing from our Abba Father and you have instantly burrowed into our hearts. 


I was standing in church last week holding you during worship and it struck me just how miraculous this all is. The fact that I was able to get pregnant and the fact that we have a completely healthy scrumptious little newborn princess… it is so clearly the work of a mighty God who loves you abundantly, sweet one. I just cannot believe He gave me the incredible honor of being your momma. It is too great a gift for words. I am moved to tears just looking at you sometimes. 


And, daddy and I aren’t the only ones who are head over heels for you. Your brothers absolutely adore you and constantly cover you in kisses and try to entertain you with songs and dances. They share their toys and blankets with you and will do just about anything to keep you from crying. They’re not incredibly effective in that department, seeing that when Nathan was asked how you are doing, he answered: “She cries and she poops all the time.” Well, that is sort of true. But, you have the cutest cry in the world :). 


We have loved getting to know your little personality. All of your cries and grunts {you are VERY vocal} and facial expressions. And, the way you stretch and pucker your lips after you eat. How you love a warm bath {even though you really, really didn’t like baths at first}, you love to be held {really, really, really love to be held}, you prefer to be outside, you dislike car rides and think that your car seat is a torture device {but you do like riding on the bumpy dirt road to our house}, you are a great eater {yay! such a different experience than with your brothers}, you have finally learned to like a pacifier, and you have started sleeping for six hour stretches for a few nights {let’s keep it up!}. 


We are treasuring these sweet newborn days with you and know that they will pass so quickly. You are so very loved, sweet pea. 


All of my love,
momma 🙂





another lesson in waiting.

This has been an eventful week for our little fam.

1: We *hopefully* sold our house {we have a signed contract but the buyers haven’t actually seen the house in person, they are buying it based on a FaceTime tour with their realtor. Needless to say, Dave and I have both decided to wait until closing at the end of this month before rejoicing}…

So many emotions swirl as we prepare to leave this house for good. The one that rises above all is gratitude. Thankful for beautiful memories in this home and an exciting new season of our lives in a new place. A long overdue update to come soon.


2: Nathan announced that I will be his high-school prom date {I’m perfectly happy with this decision. He made this prophetic statement when we were watching all of the high school kids take photos before prom at a park near our old house. Nathan asked why all the girls were wearing pretty dresses. Aunt Katie responded with, “someday, you’ll go to prom with a pretty girl wearing a pretty dress.” Nathan, in all of his 3-year-old brilliance, said, “mommy’s a pretty girl. I’ll go with her.” Well, then. It’s decided}…

3: Ben has officially moved out of nighttime pull-ups- hurray! {No more diapers/pull-ups! Oh, wait.}…

This was his amped-up sugar face from Easter morning. He has a very similar smile on dry mornings. I just don’t have a photo. Just trust me here.

4: and, lastly, I’ve been in what my doctor has called “latent labor” since Sunday.

The really strong contractions started on Sunday at Dave’s parents’ church. We were there for our niece’s first communion. I have heard that my exit during the Lord’s prayer quickly became the talk of the {for the most part, 80-and-above} crowd. I really thought this was “it”… we even had that movie-scene where Dave sped to the hospital. He nearly gave me a heart-attack with his driving.

After several hours of contractions and no progress with dilation, we were sent home. I was perfectly happy to keep her snug for another couple of weeks but my competitive side did kick in when I was told that I wasn’t progressing and I got really frustrated. I don’t know why I was wanting to get a move on. I really do want her to stay and grow for as long as possible. She is already ‘cooking’ for four weeks longer than the boys did and that is a huge relief.

After coming home from the hospital…happy to be home with Charlotte still “in the oven.”

I went back in on Tuesday because the contractions were getting worse and I had a couple of other “labor” signs {WebMD doesn’t lie, y’all…}. The doc on call sent me to Labor & Delivery at the hospital because I had a previous c-section and am attempting a VBAC and I’m high-risk {the vbac is possibility…nothing is set in stone. Well, except for drugs. That is not optional. I am still traumatized by the boys’ birth experience and will not even consider missing out on the epidural. The only person I vividly remember from the 48 hour nightmare of the boy’s birth was Neil, my anesthesiologist. Oh, Neil. You rock}.

After eight hours in a super comfy {I jest} hospital bed, I was sent back home.  I kept apologizing profusely to the hospital staff for being “that girl.” I know they were all talking about the fake-labor-chick in room 537 and placing bets on how many times I’ll be back in before the babe is actually born.

This morning was my weekly check-in with my OB and he was visibly sorry to tell me that I hadn’t progressed any further. He knew I was in pain and told me that, unfortuantely, there is not a walking-epidural option at this time. I asked to see Neil to verify this claim.

{I also told Dr. D about my vivid dream from last night – the one where Charlotte actually popped out and I didn’t even realize it. I showed up at my appointment and the nurse was freaked out by the fact that I had delivered a baby and didn’t know it. I asked if he thought that could happen. He just laughed and I suspect he wrote something in my chart. He thinks I’m a whacko}.

He explained that Charlotte’s head is very low {he stressed this several times… which only adds to my fear that she will fall out at any moment} and that is causing the contractions to be more painful. But, I could stay in this “latent labor” stage before progressing into “active labor” for several more hours or several more weeks. Hurray. That sounds fun.

So, we wait.

I’ve become fairly accustomed to waiting these past few years. It goes against my natural tendencies and drives me fairly crazy. I’m a Type-A planning machine. I like to know exactly when and where things will happen. I like to have a clear timeline so that I can mentally prepare for the days ahead.

A-hem.

Clearly, God has been working on that little detail of my personality. One would think I would have learned my lesson by now. Nope. I’m still hopelessly impatient.

So we will keep right on waiting anxiously to meet our newest love and I’ll keep you all posted. But not as often as I do in the group texts to my mom and sisters. We have an ongoing conversation about this labor process that has reached new proportions of hilarity. {Yet another reason I’m excited for S and C to have one another. There is nothing in this world like a sister. Nothing}.

In all honesty, I really love being pregnant and am going to soak up these final hours/days/weeks with her right here snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug. I love feeling her movements and marveling at the way God created our bodies to do such miraculous things. The fact that there is a little human being growing inside of me right now is truly unbelievable. I am also going to enjoy these last moments as a family of four. My sweet boys are about to have their world’s rocked and I’m just going to hold them close and let them be momma’s babies for a while longer.

Blessings to you all!

two years of change.

The past several days have been spent sorting through thousands of digital photos from 2012. I am officially two years behind on my yearly photo book “anniversary gift” for Dave and I really want to get these projects tackled before Charlotte’s arrival.

Although it was hard to pick and choose which photos made the cut {and I had to cut since I literally maxed out the number of pages allowed in an album}, I have absolutely loved looking back on all of these photos. The big milestones and the mundane moments of our everyday lives.

So much has happened in our little family in just two short years. The boys have grown and changed way more than I had realized…

April 2012.
They were supposed to be filling a bowl with water for the dogs. A-hem.
Maybe they haven’t changed all that much, after all. 
April 2012.
The fishermen of today were not so impressed with “fishy’s” back then.

2012 was the year we officially announced our desire to adopt. We had no idea what we were getting into at the time. We were still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as we stepped out in faith on this path.

March 2012. These two were BABIES! What were we thinking??? God clearly did a number on our hearts. We were just starting to come up for air after making it through the first year alive with twins. Honestly, their first birthday party was a “we all survived!” celebration. {I’m only half-joking. That first year with twins is H.A.R.D.}.

Here we are, two years later, bruised, battle-scarred and weary. Despite our circumstances and our ache to have our daughter in our arms forever, we are grateful for the path. Our faith has been tried and tested and our Father can get every ounce of credit for any strength we have today. He has carried us and continues to hold us close.

We don’t know what the next two years will look like but we can fully trust that He does. For that, I am grateful. That is freeing. I can release it all onto Him.

Nothing that has happened in our lives has come as a surprise to Him and nothing that is to come will catch Him off guard. I may be tossed about in the waves of life, I may lose my footing and take my eyes off of my Abba Father, I may falter and doubt, I may lose hope, I may lean toward bitterness and anger, I may question His plans… but HE. He is ONLY, absolutely, completely and fully good. He will not let me go. He will pursue me with His abundant love and His unending grace all the days of my life.

I can hardly grasp those truths. I can only fall to my knees in reverent awe and gratitude.

As we stand at the cusp of change, knowing that in a few short weeks {or sooner?} our family dynamic will forever be transformed by a snuggly newborn bundle, I can trust in His sovereignty and goodness. I simply need to feel the precious miracle kicking my ribs as I type these words to find proof. The fact that I will be blessed with another little love to call me ‘momma’… it is too much. Too much for my heart to take in. Knowing that I will soon be holding an unexpected gift of new life brings tears to my eyes. This baby girl, so very loved, will forever be a testament to God’s goodness. I can trust her, along with my precious boys and my beloved S into His hands. He has only good, beautiful things in store. For He promises that His plans are always for our good.