Blessings and Raindrops

seeking joy in the midst of the ordinary

True Love is This…

I feel like my life has been moving past me at 100 miles an hour this past week and I just can’t seem to keep up with everything. It seems like I am going to drop all of the balls that I’m so carefully juggling all the time. Honestly, this week has left me feeling overwhelmed and defeated. (And cranky and irritable and short-tempered).

I have been looking forward to today all week because I have the day off (with a completely clear calendar until the evening  — which NEVER happens). I had planned to get caught up with snuggles and laughter with the boys. And, the never-ending “to do” list of laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, adoption paperwork, bills…

I had also planned to blog about our adventures last weekend in Florida and yesterday’s Easter egg hunt with sweet little friends. I really want to keep up to date with photos and happenings in our lives because I am using this as my journal for our family and I don’t want to forget all of the fun things we have been up to.

I will put that blog post off until another day because, this morning, God gently reminded me what the purpose of today is.

Today: Good Friday.

Today is the day we remember that Christ suffered through torture and humiliation. Then, He gave his beautiful, perfect, and holy life for you and I.

Sweet friends, do you have as hard a time wrapping your lil’ human mind around that as I do?

I can hardly grasp how Jesus could give Himself up for all of us. Why did it have to happen like that? Why did He sacrifice everything and become a defeated, broken body for us?

I have always wondered how God managed to hold himself back from opening the Heavens and lifting his sweet Jesus from that cross in order to remove him from the unbearable pain and heartache he was enduring on behalf of all of us earthly sinners. We are NOT worthy of that sacrifice.

But that is the point of it all, isn’t it? We are not worthy. We are LOVED.

Have you all read the book, “The Shack” by WM. Paul Young? (If not, I recommend it!)

Do you remember the section of the book when Mack was told to choose which two of his five children would spend eternity in “God’s new heavens and new earth” and which of his children would “spend eternity in hell”?

Do you remember what the judge told Mack as he started to panic at this thought?

She said, “I am only asking you to do something that you believe God does. He knows every person ever conceived, and he knows them so much deeper and clearer than you will ever know your own children. He loves each one according to his knowledge of the being of that son or daughter. You believe he will condemn most to an eternity of torment, away from His presence and apart from His love.”

After a little more discussion and panic about choosing among his own children, Mack finally screamed, “I can’t. I can’t. I won’t!”

Finally, he looked at the judge “pleading with his eyes” and said, “Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I’ll go in their place…” He then fell at her feet and cried and begged to go in place of his children.

She responded in a whisper, “Now you sound like Jesus.”

Reading this section of the book opened my eyes a little further to the depth of Jesus’ love for me. For each of us. 

If someone were to ask me to choose an eternity in hell for either of my boys, I would not hesitate for a second; I would instantly beg and plead to take their place. To cover their transgressions with my love. I would do anything to protect them.

And, I am just a human with human flaws and human limitations. These are my children. They can mess up, they can make me angry, they can turn from me. But they will NEVER lose my love.

I look at these faces and I am filled with joy. Filled to the brim with overflowing love.

And, isn’t it incredible to know that God feels that way about us? But in a MUCH bigger way. In a way that we will probably never be able to comprehend while living in this flesh.

Blessings to you all on this beautiful day!

146 Million Minus 1

Over the past few months, I have had a sense of unrest in my life. I have been feeling abundantly blessed and incredibly selfish. Wondering if I am using my gifts and resources the way I should. I have been praying specifically for God to open my eyes to what He sees and to have clarity around where and how He wants me to serve.
My eyes have been opened. Wide.
Opened to the 146 MILLION orphans in the world. Opened to child trafficking. Opened to prison-like institutions in the country of Uganda where small children are locked away with little supervision, food or water. Opened to hidden hospitals in Ethiopia where women go to have Fistula operations after they are shamed and outcast by their families due to injuries suffered during childbirth.
I cannot close my eyes or my heart to the pain in the world felt by the least of these. This is the stuff that I used to read about or see in a film and think, “how sad and tragic…” Maybe I would send a check or say a quick prayer but it wouldn’t take long for me to forget about this suffering and get back to my life.
It didn’t affect me. I could live in my bubble of safety and security and abundance and ignore the pain that innocent women and children were experiencing around the world. It was too daunting, too overwhelming and too paralyzing otherwise.
146 Million Orphans.
146 MILLION.
What could I possibly do to make a difference? This problem is so big. Too big for me.
And, that, my sweet friends, is the problem. I kept asking what I could do. That question led me nowhere. Once I started asking how God could use me to do His work, I realized that He is so much bigger than the statistics. Bigger than the need that seems unending.
He can move mountains. He can use ordinary people like me to do His work.
The most incredible thing about this change of my heart is that God was working on Dave’s heart at the same time. Our kind, loving, gentle Father was stirring in the heart of my husband independently of my own stirring. I hadn’t spoken to Dave about the call I felt because I was still sorting it all out. It was between me and my Father.  It felt too sacred to discuss just yet.
Then, one day Dave casually mentioned his feeling that we were supposed to do something. Something that would require a step of faith. He felt called to Africa; Ethiopia in particular.
Our God is so incredibly loving and perfect in His timing!!
I was feeling the exact same call. At the exact same time.
God knew Dave and I needed to be at the same place spiritually in order to unite us together for this journey. We would need one another for support and encouragement and prayer. We are so much stronger together.
So, if you are still with me at this point (sorry, I know this is a long post!), you are likely wondering what we are going to do.
We are THRILLED to announce that we are going to adopt a little girl (or possibly siblings…God is really asking us to step out in faith here) from the beautiful country of Ethiopia!!



Why Adoption?

Our Father first adopted us into His kingdom through this beautiful, grace-filled, thing called adoption. He set the example. We are to follow that example. It’s as simple as that.
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
Simple Truths:
We are called to care for the orphans of this world.
We are simply called to love. To love God and to love others.
And, we believe that our lives are meant to glorify God and to build His kingdom.
Why Ethiopia?
We feel particularly called to this country. That is the only reason that matters. God asks us to care for all of the orphans of the world. We are not meant to be limited to boundaries or nationalities. Dave and I have also been particularly affected by the statistics and fate of orphans in Ethiopia due to poverty and disease.
So, we are in the midst of the paperwork stage of this journey. 
Now let me say that the statement “paperwork stage” sounds fairly simple and straightforward.
It is anything but simple. It is HARD.
There have been many days when I have sat and cried and been so overwhelmed that I didn’t know where to start. I often take out our checklist and read it over and over and still wonder what I need to do. As soon as we get one document completed and I’m ready to check that off the list, I realize that there is an error with incorrect dates or signatures or wording and we have to redo the entire thing.
I spend hours on our agency’s listserv (a site where other families in various stages of the process share thoughts, suggestions, and really just unite together to support one another), or reading blogs from other adoptive families.
And, friends, I am asking for your prayers.
I know that Satan and evil are real. Spiritual warfare is real. I am witnessing it.
The enemy is at work to prevent the beautiful, redemptive work of adoption. He is causing confusion, pain and doubt. He is lengthening the process of bringing these precious children home to a loving family through lies, fear and government red tape. He isn’t just using the Ethiopian government; he is at work within our own US embassy in Ethiopia. So many families adopting through our agency are in a fight for their children. Their cases are being held up for further investigation and review. Referrals are slower than ever but the problem of starvation, disease and drought have not gone away.
Dave and I are so excited and so incredibly afraid to walk this path. However, we walk confidently knowing that God is asking us to do this and He will never leave us. We also know that He will not leave our future daughter as she experiences devastating loss and grief.
I can hardly type this without crying. I pray constantly for our future daughter and her birth family. I do not know her story yet but I know that in the midst of the beauty of adoption, we often forget that it is rooted in loss. Loss of our daughter’s birth family, her birth country and its culture.
And, oh how my heart is heavy when I think of the loss our daughter’s birth mother will experience. A mother’s heart. I can’t even think of the words to describe the grief and sorrow she will know.
Again, I am reminded of our Father’s love. His redemptive love will be at work in all of this. He will NOT leave us alone.
I heard Mandisa’s song, “Stronger,” this morning and was thankful to be reminded me of this truth, “if He started this work in your life, He will be faithful to complete it.”  
I am so thankful for that promise and invite you to walk this journey with us. We have a long road ahead and I will keep everyone updated on this blog.
As it stands now, after we submit our dossier to Ethiopia (we’re waiting on our final home study and taxes…hoping to get final dossier submitted by mid-May), referral wait times are estimated to be between 18-24 months. After we receive our referral, we will travel approximately 2-3 months later to go to Ethiopian court and to meet our daughter! Assuming all goes well at the court level, we will be submitted to the US Embassy. It has been taking 2-3 months to get the Embassy appointment. At that point, we will travel again to bring her HOME.

We will have to return home without our daughter while we wait on an Embassy appointment. I am dreading that day more than I can articulate. I do not know how I will get on a plane without our daughter. I will be depending wholly and completely on God to carry me.

See what I mean about the LONG road ahead? But we know it will all be SO worth it!