the bentonville sessions. - Blessings and Raindrops

Dave and I spend the third thursday of every month in someone’s home, surrounded by old and new friends, with the sweet melody of laughter and live music filling the air.

We have been overwhelmed by our community’s response to this unique evening that is The Bentonville Sessions. These events have evolved from an idea that our friend, JD, had a few months ago. He wanted to get a group together each month for a “house show” in our town. Essentially, he wanted to host live music in a home, in order to create a intimate experience and an opportunity for local artists to perform in an unconventional venue.

Having an overwhelmingly altruistic spirit, he knew this community would embrace the idea and he wanted the shows to benefit something good. He asked us if all of the profits {from memberships to the series} could benefit Feed Their Tummies. Um. Yes. Yes, that would be just fine.

Here we are. Four shows later. In awe of the way God has worked in this community to create something that is so, so fun to provide resources that will feed precious little ones half a world away {seriously, you guys, it is just the most fun time — everyone is so kind and welcoming and the artists are incredible and the feeling in the air is just pure joy, it feels impossible to capture in words or photos}.

We couldn’t be more grateful for this work that we have been invited into. I looked around last night and just took a deep breathe of gratitude.

I thought back to two years ago, typing these words after the conversation with God that changed the course of my life.

” I marveled at the other women’s faith and strength and perseverance.

I listened to their stories. Their testimonies. Their words of truth.

And, I felt like a fraud.

That is the exact word I gave to what I was feeling. I didn’t even know it until I said it to my gentle and loving Jesus.

I am not holy and sweet and kind like these other women.

I am sarcastic, cynical, and scared. I’m afraid of radically changing my life for Jesus. I know he is wrestling with my heart right now and I am afraid to move. I don’t know where to step. I don’t know what to do. I feel raw and exposed to all of the hurt and suffering on this earth and I don’t know what to do.

Yes, we are adopting. Yes, we are listening and obeying with that one thing. But, there is so much more we can do. So much more we should do.

Look at these other women. I met so many mamas who have adopted 10+ kids. Older kids. Special needs kids.

I met women who started ministries and work across the globe for justice and mercy for the oppressed. These women are making a difference. They are building the Kingdom.

And, I am just spending my days going to work, doing laundry, running around, filling my days doing ordinary things. I am ordinary. I do not belong among these 450 women. They are all doing extraordinary things.

And do you know what He told me?

I heard these truths (not with my ears, but crystal clearly. I wrote them down in my journal immediately so I would not forget the exact phrasing):

“Precious, daughter, you are my treasure.”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“You don’t have to do it all.”

“I am with you. I will guide you. You just have to trust.”

“All you need to do for me is be a light. Be My light. Bring My light into the darkness in this world.”

I stood with tears flowing down my cheeks. Soaking in His embrace. In His love. Knowing that He loves me. He treasures me. Me. It was the one of the most profound moments in all my life. Feeling my gentle Savior showering His love and grace on me.

I am still aware of all the pain and darkness and oppression in this world. But I no longer am afraid to move. I know that the Lord will guide me. He will show me how to move. When to move. Where to move. I don’t have to feel guilty that I’m not doing enough. I just have to respond to His call. I just have to keep my heart open and share His love. “

I remember that moment with such clarity. I want to go back in time and give myself a hug. I look back and think: this, all of this, is what you had in store for me and I had no idea what was coming. I have clung to those simple, transformative words many, many times over the past two years : Be My Light.

There is such freedom in letting go of the guilt and embracing the story He is writing in my life. And, what a beautiful story it is. Surrounded by such an amazing little tribe of world-changing, Kingdom-builders. I never saw any of this coming but I could not be more grateful for the small part I get to play in it all.

If you are local to NW Arkansas and would like to join us each month, we would love it! Find out more at www.bentonvillesessions.com.

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